Rebecca Anne Page,
Look at you! You're a beautiful woman! You've come a longg way kid! Don't believe me? Check your facebook. Look at your profile picture. Look at all the comments full of compliments. You'll believe me!
Guess what? Today, not even 6 months out of surgery, you're 80% of the way to your first goal of 165. That's right! You're giving weightloss a run for it's money. It's incredible the amount of weight you've lost in such a short period of time, did you forget? You tend to forget. You silly girl. You get so wrapped up in the day to day that you forget to reflect on the time that has gone by since the first letter. The letter in which you promised to love yourself no matter what and kick your own ass if you started to feel insecure.
How many times have you had to do that so far? Like a bajillion. I don't know why but I'm willing to bet money that it's not because of anyone elses opinion of your body, but because of your own. Actually, that's a fact. Everyone sees how far you've come. You should see it too. Just because you feel a little blah some days, that doesn't mean you're any less beautiful, it just means you're human. You're allowed to have days when your hair is a frizzy mess and your belly pokes out more than you'd like. You're allowed to feel like you don't want to get off the couch every once in a while. But only every once in a while.
You're making soo much progress mentally and spiritually. The physical aspect has become soo much easier and your hard work and determination are just becoming a part of who you are. Whodda thunk? Your discipline is something to be proud of. You know your limits and you know when you've had enough. Sure, you get sick every once in a while, but you've learned your lessons and learned so much in the way of how to live life as a bandster. It's not been an easy process by any means, but by golly, you rolled up your pants, put your gluttony behind you, and changed your lifestyle for the better. You made the most incredible decision of your life and you have never for a second taken it for granted.
However, you have taken yourself for granted. You've forgotten how caring and compassionate you are. You've forgotten that you give 110% in every single relationship be it friendship or acquaintance. There's nothing wrong with that if you like being taken advantage of. But learn to have walls for goodness sake. Have your guard up until its truly ready to come down.
I can't say that you haven't learned a lot about yourself though. You've learned to be assertive. Girl, you know what you want and you go for it! You may not always get what you want but you can never say you didn't atleast try and give your all. Always remember to be careful what you wish for though, because we know the grass isn't always greener on the other side and sometimes it's better to just let the weeds overtake those lawns..
Remember how 6 months ago... a year ago... you were desperate for love? You're at the midway point in that aspect as well. In the past few weeks and days you've done a lot of reflection based on the advice of others. You've said so many times that you don't need a boyfriend, yadda yadda yadda, but deep inside and to others you made it clear that you desperately wanted one. Someone to make you feel whole, to make you feel wanted, to bring you all that happiness and joy that love brings. And sure it's been the butt of many of your jokes... (i.e... if you find me a husband we can all go on a cruise!) but low and behold, it took several people telling you that this is not at all what you need right now, to realize that they are right.
At this point, you're slowly overcoming that insecure need for a partner. You don't feel (as much) the need to conform to societys norm of having a boyfriend. And why should you? You're not ready! You're still so young and impressionable and you still have so much that you want to do by yourself that will help you to grow into the woman that you will be when you do finally meet the right guy. It seems like it will never happen, but this is where you just have to "let go and let God." Have faith.
Faith, that's another subject we should discuss. In the last couple of weeks but most notably the past few days something inside of you has been yearning and reaching and grasping for faith. You're to the point now where you want to get back to the place where you were when you were young and innocent and full heartedly loved God. You were such a devout Chrsitian and so in love with your religion. What happened to that sweet angel? At what point did she get sidetracked? When it wasn't as cool to go to church? When you started partying? When you started hanging out with the wrong crowd? When every mistake you made and every regret you had made you feel like there's absolutely no way God could ever forgive you for the things you had done? In retrospect, they really weren't that bad you melodramatic drama queen, you! ;)
God forgives and forgets. He knows that you did not treat your body as the temple that He created. He knows you aren't always completely honest. He knows you have put other people and things before Him more than a few times. He knows you forget to pray every once in a while. He knows you aren't as close with Him as you used to be. But He forgave you for all of these things. And He's already forgotten. Just like that. Clean slate. No grudge. No guilt trip. No judgement. He's amazing.
You're on a spiritual journey right now and my hope is that by the time you read this and the other letter, 6 months from now (who am I kidding, you'll read them atleast once a month!), that you have found peace. My wish for you is that you have found that piece of the puzzle that has been missing for so many years. I hope that you've become more comfortable talking to God about your problems rather than keeping them bottled up until you take all your anxiety out on some unsuspecting victim be it your family, friends, or this blog. Keep doing that, too, but don't forget about who knew your life plan before you were created. And always, always remember that He forgives and forgets.
You're really at a good place right now, 6 months post-op. Who knows where you'll be next week. Having reread the last 6 months worth of blogs.. you can really be a piece of work sometimes.. you know that? Of course you do! Sometimes I worry about the rollercoaster of emotions from week to week and month to month but I know that's just the way you're wired, and heck, maybe you have a tinge of bi-polar. But really, you just have a tendancy to base your happiness on fleeting things, but I think you're learning that those things are not what will make you genuinely, steadily happy. You know what to do and how to get there, so do it. Utilize your resources. You're good at that!
I hope you've kept yourself busy like you have been! I hope you still love going to the Y or walking at Tanglewood. Or that you love it even more! I hope you're running easily now. That would make Dad SO proud! You're starting to take small strides towards being a runner, and it's not as bad as you thought it would be, huh? Keep up the good work! I hope you've taken up some interesting hobbies to add some spice to your life! I hope you've found a class that interests you and I reallyy hope you've figured out what you want to go back to school for, and have started the process of doing so!
I hope you're still reading books like crazy. What took you so long to take up reading again? Because it's the best pasttime since the gym you've found in a long time! The days of only having time to read while on vacation are long gone. Books are going to help you a lot in this growth process, I just know it.
Go look in the mirror. Look how far you've come. You may have lost 10 pounds in 6 months or you may have already met all of your goals. Heck, you may have maintained 182 for 6 months. Regardless. Go look in the mirror. Look how much you've changed. See what people see. See what those who never knew you at 245 pounds see. See what those who love you and are so incredibly happy for you see. See the girl who radiates from the inside out. See the passion that she has in her big brown eyes like her Daddy's. See the love that's inside that mind and that heart, and reciprocate that. Love her unconditionally. Love her every day of your life and never forget that it's just you against the world.
No one can make you feel as amazing about yourself as you can and no one will ever be able to if you don't feel that way inside and out. Keep that smile on your face but don't let it hide the pain that you're in. Realize that we all have our moments. No one is perfect and no one expects you to be happy constantly. But don't mask it until you break or you'll never be whole.
It's okay to still be dependent on your Mom, Dad, sister and best friends. It's okay to ask for help or to reach out when you need motivation. It's okay to say it's hard and it's okay to admit when you haven't been to the gym in a while. It's okay to say that you're not sure you can do something, but that you'll give it your best shot.
Just because you make it to your goal, don't get too comfortable. Don't think that the party is over and the game is done. This will be a lifelong battle and something that you'll have to work at everyday of your life. Don't think you can just go back to your old life once you've lost the weight. Remember you're in this for good and you never want to go back to where you were. Don't lose sight of your goals and of your God like you have in the past.
If you feel like you're struggling with your faith, take matters into your own hands and ask for guidance from someone who will understand where you're coming from and has been in your shoes. Everyone has felt the same way at some point or another and you're selfish sometimes in thinking that you're the only one.
Most of all, keep loving those around you with your whole heart and then some. They really do appreciate it and they really do need that love, sympathy, empathy and compassion that you so desperately want to give. Although you don't always know the right thing to say, be the listening ear that they need, because that's what they do for you. Don't ever forget that you are needed. Someone, somewhere, needs you every minute of the day whether you or they realize it or not. It's okay to depend on others as long as you're not completely codependent!
Someday you'll look back on this journey to your new life and you'll understand why you went through all the trials and tribulations you were faced with. It will all make sense in retrospect. Doesn't it always? You may not understand why things have always been more difficult for you, but they've made you so much stronger, and they continue to do so. Everyday.
Remember how proud your parents are of the progress you have made. Not only physically, but in your maturity. You've made many strides in becoming the woman you and they always knew you could be and would be. You're halfway to where you want to be physically and you have no intention of giving up!
Keep up the momentum and anytime you start to get down on yourself, keep kicking your own ass and spark that fire in your heart. It's there. It may not always be flickering as brighly as you'd like, but it just needs a little help sometimes.
Keep loving yourself unconditionally and remember that above all, your relationship with God and your family are what matters over anything and everything combined.
I love you Becky!
No matter what!
<3
March 23, 2010 my life changed in an amazing way. This is my Lap-Band (weight loss surgery) experience from start to present...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
WIW - pound it!
Finallyyyy, I lost.... a pound. Just one though. Just one little pound! But a pound in the right direction versus the wrong direction is one that is always welcome with open arms! I'm now at 182 and not deterred in the slightest! Can't wait to get to the 170s, because I live for milestones!
I have a feeling this half of the battle is going to be the hardest. With less to lose, and less frequent follow-up/fill visits.. I'm going to have to kick it into 5th gear to shed the next 50. And, I'm gonna need to have lots of patience.. that's for sure. Patience has never been a hard task for me, I'm fairly well adjusted. But I get bored reallyy easily. I get tired of routines and structure, but sometimes those things are necessary, i.e. gym regimen. Instead of going to the Y last night, Mom and I walked around the neighborhood and all the way down to Bermuda Run West's entrance. A 2 mile hike when measured. It was fun! I even found a Calloway golf ball for Dad :)
A couple of things Lap-Band related have been bothering me lately though. At my last appointment Fuzz asked if I'd had any problems with hairloss. Umm... no... I shed hair like crazy so idk how it could be much worse. But then, at the pool on Saturday, a lot more than a little bit came out when I took my ponytail down. It was weird. I'm going to mention this at my next appointment, and find out what to do to prevent my locks from leaving me!
Also, idk what the deal is, but I've had a hard time keeping down my lunches. Never dinner, just lunch. It's gross and way TMI (skip to next paragraph weak stomached weight watchers!) but if I eat too fast, as I usually do with a rushed lunch hour, I get all stopped up. Things just don't want to pass through. And duh, I know this, but sometimes I just forget. It's easier said than done to chew 30 times and take 30 minutes to eat. So, sometimes, if I feel like somethings not digesting, instead of walking around, I excuse myself and run to the bathroom only to cough up said blockage. It's gross. And I hatee it when it happens. But sometimes the simplest things, like bbq which I love and refuse to not eat (carefully) can get stuck. It sucks. But it's only happened a couple of times, and I think there's definitely more to it, but I'll just have to discuss these things with Fuzz next time I see him. Meanwhile I just need to be smarter and more careful about eatling lunch!
So this is week 3 of my new job. And let me tell you... it is wonderful! Matt just asked me in the elevator if I missed my old job yet. "Not at all!" was my appropriate response. He said he knew I was bored sometimes (Oh, sweet, gentle giant, you fail to realize that it takes me an hour to do the work that you give me.) but assured me that we would find more tasks for me to do. Which is great. I can do anything as long as you give me instructions so hopefully they can utilize me in a lot of different ways!
I'm bored with life in general kinda.. I mean. Don't get me wrong, I hateee drama. But when there's none, I get bored. I kinda feel like I've fallen off the friend wagon with some of my friends, and that makes me sad. I expressed it to a couple of them yesterday, out of self pity, and just kinda told them that I felt like I've been left out lately. Which I totally understand, but it didn't used to be that way, and I'm not sure what changed... I mean, I understood before when they told me that it was because of a certain person, but that's not an issue these days, soo.. it's just me? Idk. I'm definitely feeling sorry for myself, and pms-ing, so I'm blaming it on that.
I hate hate hate feeling sorry for myself, because my Mother raised me better than that. I am incrediblyy grateful for my friends and family and the ones who go out of their way to help and support me, especially. But like I said, when people quit inviting you to do things or to hang out, you start to notice, and you start to get bummed out. I still feel guilty about falling asleep last Friday when Ash & Kelly wanted to hang out, but after a long week my body just completely shut down. I think it needed that evening of rest, and luckily it was a longg weekend at that!
I spent much of the weekend workin on my tan! There's something to be said about a tan. It makes you feel soo much better. I'll never be caught without sunscreen after my Dad's bouts with skin cancer and my excruciating experience of sun poisoning from the lake last year, but something about soaking up the healthy rays and getting all bronzed up just does wonders for ones self esteem!
I even ventured out in one of my sister's old bikinis for a couple of those days, until my lily white tummy, even with sunscreen, started to get too pink for my liking/comfort! It was quite a test of confidence and I didn't feel as whale-ish as I thought I would! Eek. I told myself I had to muster up the courage atleast once this summer so that I can have something to look forward to/motivate me to have a bikini bod for the entire summer next year :)
Life is moving along as it should, but my gosh, I'm ready for vacations and exciting trips and whatnot! I love having things to look forward to, and I hate when they're over, I just get so anxious waiting for it to be time for them to happen. Don't we all?
There are a million things on my mind that I could go on and on about. About how I am starting to respect myself more and more, and expecting the same in return. About how I hope that I'm on the right career path. About how I am terrified about silly things. About how sad it makes me to see happy couples and wondering if I'm doomed to be alone for all my days. About how money sucks and is most definitely the root of all evil. And on.. and on.. and on. But, I won't! Life is good and I'm happy that things are simple for now!
NMW,
<3
I have a feeling this half of the battle is going to be the hardest. With less to lose, and less frequent follow-up/fill visits.. I'm going to have to kick it into 5th gear to shed the next 50. And, I'm gonna need to have lots of patience.. that's for sure. Patience has never been a hard task for me, I'm fairly well adjusted. But I get bored reallyy easily. I get tired of routines and structure, but sometimes those things are necessary, i.e. gym regimen. Instead of going to the Y last night, Mom and I walked around the neighborhood and all the way down to Bermuda Run West's entrance. A 2 mile hike when measured. It was fun! I even found a Calloway golf ball for Dad :)
A couple of things Lap-Band related have been bothering me lately though. At my last appointment Fuzz asked if I'd had any problems with hairloss. Umm... no... I shed hair like crazy so idk how it could be much worse. But then, at the pool on Saturday, a lot more than a little bit came out when I took my ponytail down. It was weird. I'm going to mention this at my next appointment, and find out what to do to prevent my locks from leaving me!
Also, idk what the deal is, but I've had a hard time keeping down my lunches. Never dinner, just lunch. It's gross and way TMI (skip to next paragraph weak stomached weight watchers!) but if I eat too fast, as I usually do with a rushed lunch hour, I get all stopped up. Things just don't want to pass through. And duh, I know this, but sometimes I just forget. It's easier said than done to chew 30 times and take 30 minutes to eat. So, sometimes, if I feel like somethings not digesting, instead of walking around, I excuse myself and run to the bathroom only to cough up said blockage. It's gross. And I hatee it when it happens. But sometimes the simplest things, like bbq which I love and refuse to not eat (carefully) can get stuck. It sucks. But it's only happened a couple of times, and I think there's definitely more to it, but I'll just have to discuss these things with Fuzz next time I see him. Meanwhile I just need to be smarter and more careful about eatling lunch!
So this is week 3 of my new job. And let me tell you... it is wonderful! Matt just asked me in the elevator if I missed my old job yet. "Not at all!" was my appropriate response. He said he knew I was bored sometimes (Oh, sweet, gentle giant, you fail to realize that it takes me an hour to do the work that you give me.) but assured me that we would find more tasks for me to do. Which is great. I can do anything as long as you give me instructions so hopefully they can utilize me in a lot of different ways!
I'm bored with life in general kinda.. I mean. Don't get me wrong, I hateee drama. But when there's none, I get bored. I kinda feel like I've fallen off the friend wagon with some of my friends, and that makes me sad. I expressed it to a couple of them yesterday, out of self pity, and just kinda told them that I felt like I've been left out lately. Which I totally understand, but it didn't used to be that way, and I'm not sure what changed... I mean, I understood before when they told me that it was because of a certain person, but that's not an issue these days, soo.. it's just me? Idk. I'm definitely feeling sorry for myself, and pms-ing, so I'm blaming it on that.
I hate hate hate feeling sorry for myself, because my Mother raised me better than that. I am incrediblyy grateful for my friends and family and the ones who go out of their way to help and support me, especially. But like I said, when people quit inviting you to do things or to hang out, you start to notice, and you start to get bummed out. I still feel guilty about falling asleep last Friday when Ash & Kelly wanted to hang out, but after a long week my body just completely shut down. I think it needed that evening of rest, and luckily it was a longg weekend at that!
I spent much of the weekend workin on my tan! There's something to be said about a tan. It makes you feel soo much better. I'll never be caught without sunscreen after my Dad's bouts with skin cancer and my excruciating experience of sun poisoning from the lake last year, but something about soaking up the healthy rays and getting all bronzed up just does wonders for ones self esteem!
I even ventured out in one of my sister's old bikinis for a couple of those days, until my lily white tummy, even with sunscreen, started to get too pink for my liking/comfort! It was quite a test of confidence and I didn't feel as whale-ish as I thought I would! Eek. I told myself I had to muster up the courage atleast once this summer so that I can have something to look forward to/motivate me to have a bikini bod for the entire summer next year :)
Life is moving along as it should, but my gosh, I'm ready for vacations and exciting trips and whatnot! I love having things to look forward to, and I hate when they're over, I just get so anxious waiting for it to be time for them to happen. Don't we all?
There are a million things on my mind that I could go on and on about. About how I am starting to respect myself more and more, and expecting the same in return. About how I hope that I'm on the right career path. About how I am terrified about silly things. About how sad it makes me to see happy couples and wondering if I'm doomed to be alone for all my days. About how money sucks and is most definitely the root of all evil. And on.. and on.. and on. But, I won't! Life is good and I'm happy that things are simple for now!
NMW,
<3
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Weigh In Wednesdayyyy
Well, once again.. no news! How boring! I wish I had something really exciting to report.. buttt.. I really don't.
I'm kind of giving myself a break. I've busted my butt to get this far, and now that I've gotten over the 50 pound mark, I'm just cruising for a bit! I feel like it's kind of necessary to take some time off every once in a while to regain perspective in any situation, so this is no different! I, of course, can't take a break from eating right, because that was a lifestyle change plus the band will always make for smaller portions (thank youuuu lap banddd for helping me not to pig out like I used to!).
I'm ready to start going back to the gym again, I just find myself making those same old excuses! "I'm soo tired" "I had a long day!" "I'm on vacation!" "I did really good last week!" etc. I need to get refocused and remotivated and not slack off just because I did so well for the first 5 months. It's hard, ya know? I'm not being very inspiring this week whatsoever! I think my mind/body/soul are just tired. Worn out. Exhausted. Fatigued. Playing catch up. Idk. But whew. I need a pick me up!
My confidence is still progressively getting stronger and more genuine everyday. I am finally realizing that I don't look the same on the outside as I used to, and that other people, especially those who didn't know me before, don't see who I used to be, and that's just crazy, so I show them pictures. Haha. It's amazing what can happen and I look forward to making more progress! I'm really glad that so far I haven't really had any issues with extra skin or anything. Something I was quite scared about. Not to say that it won't happen, but it'd be cool if it were a non-issue!
I've also gotten back into the dating scene... which is quite entertaining to say the least! It's funny. We live in the South but gentlemen, like my Daddy, are so hard to find these days. They are few and far between. They come off as having good intentions and then, wham! They turn out to be sex crazed teenagers trapped in 20-something bodies. Not shocking, to say the least, I mean, they're only human, and it's an innate trait. Nothing against men in general, just the ones I've met so far ;) I don't want to settle and I don't want to wait around forever... so I'm just going to take it as it comes and get some experience.. kissing toads and waiting for that prince like my sister says!
I took a much needed trip to the beach this past weekend with Magan and Ashley T. It was soo nice just to get away just for a couple of days. And one of the highlights was definitely buying a size 14 in jeans and a dress! Seriously. Shut the front door. I haven't been a 14 since I was 14. And granted, they're pretty snug, and I need to lose about 5 more pounds for them to be comfortable, but holy crap. 14! And the dress fit perfectly which was awesome because it was the only size they had other than 20s. I have dropped from a 24 to a 14. Wow. 5 sizes! Or maybe more like 4.5 for now. Regardless, woohoo!
I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks. Lots of trips planned! I'll be heading to the beach with my sis, Jay and the baby to play "nanny" while they go to a wedding at the end of this month, the following weekend we'll head down to Greenville for the ECU/UNC game and then leave for a week long family trip!!! Soo excited. Not exactly sure where we're going yet, but that's half the fun :) After we get back, the next weekend we'll head down to Jacksonville for my uncle's Naval Change of Command ceremony, which is exciting because I've missed every single one! Only this time he's phasing out, so I missed the really exciting ones!
I have a feeling that life is about to change for the better. I'm not sure how, when or why, but I just know that good things are coming my way, and the harder I work, the better it will be :)
NMW,
<3
I'm kind of giving myself a break. I've busted my butt to get this far, and now that I've gotten over the 50 pound mark, I'm just cruising for a bit! I feel like it's kind of necessary to take some time off every once in a while to regain perspective in any situation, so this is no different! I, of course, can't take a break from eating right, because that was a lifestyle change plus the band will always make for smaller portions (thank youuuu lap banddd for helping me not to pig out like I used to!).
I'm ready to start going back to the gym again, I just find myself making those same old excuses! "I'm soo tired" "I had a long day!" "I'm on vacation!" "I did really good last week!" etc. I need to get refocused and remotivated and not slack off just because I did so well for the first 5 months. It's hard, ya know? I'm not being very inspiring this week whatsoever! I think my mind/body/soul are just tired. Worn out. Exhausted. Fatigued. Playing catch up. Idk. But whew. I need a pick me up!
My confidence is still progressively getting stronger and more genuine everyday. I am finally realizing that I don't look the same on the outside as I used to, and that other people, especially those who didn't know me before, don't see who I used to be, and that's just crazy, so I show them pictures. Haha. It's amazing what can happen and I look forward to making more progress! I'm really glad that so far I haven't really had any issues with extra skin or anything. Something I was quite scared about. Not to say that it won't happen, but it'd be cool if it were a non-issue!
I've also gotten back into the dating scene... which is quite entertaining to say the least! It's funny. We live in the South but gentlemen, like my Daddy, are so hard to find these days. They are few and far between. They come off as having good intentions and then, wham! They turn out to be sex crazed teenagers trapped in 20-something bodies. Not shocking, to say the least, I mean, they're only human, and it's an innate trait. Nothing against men in general, just the ones I've met so far ;) I don't want to settle and I don't want to wait around forever... so I'm just going to take it as it comes and get some experience.. kissing toads and waiting for that prince like my sister says!
I took a much needed trip to the beach this past weekend with Magan and Ashley T. It was soo nice just to get away just for a couple of days. And one of the highlights was definitely buying a size 14 in jeans and a dress! Seriously. Shut the front door. I haven't been a 14 since I was 14. And granted, they're pretty snug, and I need to lose about 5 more pounds for them to be comfortable, but holy crap. 14! And the dress fit perfectly which was awesome because it was the only size they had other than 20s. I have dropped from a 24 to a 14. Wow. 5 sizes! Or maybe more like 4.5 for now. Regardless, woohoo!
I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks. Lots of trips planned! I'll be heading to the beach with my sis, Jay and the baby to play "nanny" while they go to a wedding at the end of this month, the following weekend we'll head down to Greenville for the ECU/UNC game and then leave for a week long family trip!!! Soo excited. Not exactly sure where we're going yet, but that's half the fun :) After we get back, the next weekend we'll head down to Jacksonville for my uncle's Naval Change of Command ceremony, which is exciting because I've missed every single one! Only this time he's phasing out, so I missed the really exciting ones!
I have a feeling that life is about to change for the better. I'm not sure how, when or why, but I just know that good things are coming my way, and the harder I work, the better it will be :)
NMW,
<3
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
"If you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got!"
Weigh In Wednesdayyyy...
was a moot point! I am happy to report that I have maintained 83 for a week, however, as I expected, I did not drop another 3 pounds. That was really crazy and I think it was actually borderline unhealthy! I know I'm going to lose weight more quickly than I ever could in the past, but dude.. I can't always expect irrational results! And that's something that I've accepted time and time again. However, this time, I'm proud of myself instead of using the "fake it til you make it" approach that I've mastered, I'm genuinely excited that I've kept off those 9 pounds in a month! Win.
I'm also becoming (sorry to disappoint, faithful weight watchers, no pun intended!) less concerned with the number on the scale! I'll continue to monitor and of course post my progress, but mentally I'm becoming more aware of the changes taking place phsyically. It's crazy. Every morning I wake up and, admittedly sucking in a bit, I check myself out in the mirror. Who needs a tape measure when you can see the little changes? The incessant, ever present back fat slowwwwwly going away and slowwwwly smoothing into my hips. The less prominent belly fat. The ridiculous thigh muscles that the leg press has provided (and that I make people poke while I flex, thanks for playing along guys). And not to mention, the reduction of chins.. Is enough for me to throw caution to the tape measure and base my confidence on my appearance to myself alone.
My confidence is something that has longg been lacking, but those days are numbered. I am genuinely confident in myself and my abilities as a person and I don't feel the need to beg for compliments anymore! They come freely, unprovoked, and mostly unexpected. I, admittedly, (and probably blog for this reason) have always loved attention, and when you receive it constantly, it's something to be missed when it's gone. I received attention, be it positive or negative, for a longg time from someone I had to constantly prod for compliments, approval and acceptance. Those. Days. Are. Gone. When I realized something had to change, so did said person. A break was taken from communication and my thoughts centered solely on me, myself and I. I started a great book, I spent a week night helping my sister with the baby, I worked out, and I spent an evening on La's porch with her and Steph catching up on life, love and lessons learned. I realized then, in those couple of hours, that old Becky was back.
This is something that took a couple of people "putting me in my place" and helping me to recognize the fact that I had changed. I had been long replaced by someone weaker than myself, succumbing to the powers that be. Being told that your friends haven't wanted to hang out with you because "you're always depressed about _____." is a hard pill to swallow. But, through tears, I did. It took a while for me to digest that horse pill, blame the Lap-Band, but finally, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I could imagine myself, being the person I am, the person I was, and the person I want to be. I could see myself happy and just as cheerful and carefree as ever. And I like that life. A lot better. Rather than trying to please everyone (k, just someone.) I realized that I have to take life as it comes, in my own perceived way, by the horns. I can't just keep expecting things to go my way and be handed to me.
"Be the change you want to see in other people." Is a quote that I have strived to live by. I haven't always done this, and I can't say that I always will. But I will always try to be a good role model. For myself, for my family, for my friends and for my nephew. I will show that anything is possible if you want it bad enough. If you try and fail, try again. If you keep failing, keep trying. I failed many a time at losing weight, but when I finally tried a new approach, I got a new outcome. I'm succeeding and I'm proving that things are possible when you make up your mind and commit, whole heartedly, to the outcome. For so long I quit trying, I gave up, and, much to my dismay and astonishment, I got the same results. As my Mother has always said, "if you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got."
When aforementioned person contacted me to wish me luck on my first day of work, even he was astonished by the change that had overcome me in just a week's time. No longer was I beaten down and frail. No longer am I beaten down and frail. I am reminded of this daily and I constantly praise myself in my head.. not outloud, because people might think me to be weird if I literally hi-fived myself. But, each passing day I grow.. as I shrink ;)
My new job, so far, is amazing. Everyone up here on the 3rd floor is soo nice and so genuinely welcoming! It's a nice change of pace not constantly watching my back/watching what I say to anyone other than trusted confidants! Not to mention the fact that I've already read all of the policy and have a great understanding of what is expected of me. I can't even begin to explain how tickled I was when Bobbi was training me yesterday and teaching me how to basically audit CIP (Crisis Intervention Program) applications taken/processed by the Salvation Army, and sign off on them. "Ok, this one is done! You sign here."... "Where it says Supervisor Signature?"... "Yep!" At this point I resisted the urge to blurt out by favorite catchphrase "SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!" I simply signed and dated, and moved on to the next stack of 50 or so apps. Talk about confidence boost. Whether I'm doing things correctly is to be determined...
Did I mention I have my own office? With a door that closes? And a desk made of wood (I think? It may be faux but it closely resembles wood.)? And a window? And a filing cabinet (which may or may not only contain my pink Snuggie at the present time)? And TWO hooks for art? And.. yeah.. that's exciting enough. I am astounded that anyone would bestow upon me such responsibility, such status and such possessions, but then I remember that I've worked hard to get here, I applied and I was chosen. There's a reason I'm here and I have to embrace every wonderful day as it comes. I am genuinely happy to be here and the change of pace is something I have craved for so long! I look forward to the "busy season" and mastering these programs, which Matt stated he feels are probably the easiest of any of our programs to learn. Whew! I got this!
Okay okay, enough rambling! I'm just so dang happy and proud of myself and my accomplishments, be they numerical, physical, or career related. I'm making something of myself and mentally hi-fiving myself regularly.
NMW!
<3
was a moot point! I am happy to report that I have maintained 83 for a week, however, as I expected, I did not drop another 3 pounds. That was really crazy and I think it was actually borderline unhealthy! I know I'm going to lose weight more quickly than I ever could in the past, but dude.. I can't always expect irrational results! And that's something that I've accepted time and time again. However, this time, I'm proud of myself instead of using the "fake it til you make it" approach that I've mastered, I'm genuinely excited that I've kept off those 9 pounds in a month! Win.
I'm also becoming (sorry to disappoint, faithful weight watchers, no pun intended!) less concerned with the number on the scale! I'll continue to monitor and of course post my progress, but mentally I'm becoming more aware of the changes taking place phsyically. It's crazy. Every morning I wake up and, admittedly sucking in a bit, I check myself out in the mirror. Who needs a tape measure when you can see the little changes? The incessant, ever present back fat slowwwwwly going away and slowwwwly smoothing into my hips. The less prominent belly fat. The ridiculous thigh muscles that the leg press has provided (and that I make people poke while I flex, thanks for playing along guys). And not to mention, the reduction of chins.. Is enough for me to throw caution to the tape measure and base my confidence on my appearance to myself alone.
My confidence is something that has longg been lacking, but those days are numbered. I am genuinely confident in myself and my abilities as a person and I don't feel the need to beg for compliments anymore! They come freely, unprovoked, and mostly unexpected. I, admittedly, (and probably blog for this reason) have always loved attention, and when you receive it constantly, it's something to be missed when it's gone. I received attention, be it positive or negative, for a longg time from someone I had to constantly prod for compliments, approval and acceptance. Those. Days. Are. Gone. When I realized something had to change, so did said person. A break was taken from communication and my thoughts centered solely on me, myself and I. I started a great book, I spent a week night helping my sister with the baby, I worked out, and I spent an evening on La's porch with her and Steph catching up on life, love and lessons learned. I realized then, in those couple of hours, that old Becky was back.
This is something that took a couple of people "putting me in my place" and helping me to recognize the fact that I had changed. I had been long replaced by someone weaker than myself, succumbing to the powers that be. Being told that your friends haven't wanted to hang out with you because "you're always depressed about _____." is a hard pill to swallow. But, through tears, I did. It took a while for me to digest that horse pill, blame the Lap-Band, but finally, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I could imagine myself, being the person I am, the person I was, and the person I want to be. I could see myself happy and just as cheerful and carefree as ever. And I like that life. A lot better. Rather than trying to please everyone (k, just someone.) I realized that I have to take life as it comes, in my own perceived way, by the horns. I can't just keep expecting things to go my way and be handed to me.
"Be the change you want to see in other people." Is a quote that I have strived to live by. I haven't always done this, and I can't say that I always will. But I will always try to be a good role model. For myself, for my family, for my friends and for my nephew. I will show that anything is possible if you want it bad enough. If you try and fail, try again. If you keep failing, keep trying. I failed many a time at losing weight, but when I finally tried a new approach, I got a new outcome. I'm succeeding and I'm proving that things are possible when you make up your mind and commit, whole heartedly, to the outcome. For so long I quit trying, I gave up, and, much to my dismay and astonishment, I got the same results. As my Mother has always said, "if you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got."
When aforementioned person contacted me to wish me luck on my first day of work, even he was astonished by the change that had overcome me in just a week's time. No longer was I beaten down and frail. No longer am I beaten down and frail. I am reminded of this daily and I constantly praise myself in my head.. not outloud, because people might think me to be weird if I literally hi-fived myself. But, each passing day I grow.. as I shrink ;)
My new job, so far, is amazing. Everyone up here on the 3rd floor is soo nice and so genuinely welcoming! It's a nice change of pace not constantly watching my back/watching what I say to anyone other than trusted confidants! Not to mention the fact that I've already read all of the policy and have a great understanding of what is expected of me. I can't even begin to explain how tickled I was when Bobbi was training me yesterday and teaching me how to basically audit CIP (Crisis Intervention Program) applications taken/processed by the Salvation Army, and sign off on them. "Ok, this one is done! You sign here."... "Where it says Supervisor Signature?"... "Yep!" At this point I resisted the urge to blurt out by favorite catchphrase "SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!" I simply signed and dated, and moved on to the next stack of 50 or so apps. Talk about confidence boost. Whether I'm doing things correctly is to be determined...
Did I mention I have my own office? With a door that closes? And a desk made of wood (I think? It may be faux but it closely resembles wood.)? And a window? And a filing cabinet (which may or may not only contain my pink Snuggie at the present time)? And TWO hooks for art? And.. yeah.. that's exciting enough. I am astounded that anyone would bestow upon me such responsibility, such status and such possessions, but then I remember that I've worked hard to get here, I applied and I was chosen. There's a reason I'm here and I have to embrace every wonderful day as it comes. I am genuinely happy to be here and the change of pace is something I have craved for so long! I look forward to the "busy season" and mastering these programs, which Matt stated he feels are probably the easiest of any of our programs to learn. Whew! I got this!
Okay okay, enough rambling! I'm just so dang happy and proud of myself and my accomplishments, be they numerical, physical, or career related. I'm making something of myself and mentally hi-fiving myself regularly.
NMW!
<3
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Hey hey WIW!
Today's weight is 183!!!! Wowowowowow! Another 3 pounds! This is getting absurd! I never in a million years thought I'd be losing weight this rapidly. Honestly, I think my hard work and determination and getting my butt to the Y atleast 2-3 times a week, or walking around the neighborhood with Mom is starting to reallyyy give me results! Instead of gaining muscle and seeming to plateu, I'm now continuing to gain muscle, but burn fat at the same time! Finallyyyy! Yayayay! This is the stage I've been waiting for!
I feel so incredibly good about myself these days. I'm actually starting to see how green the grass is on the other side! Why? Because I'm already ON the other side! The other side of 100 pounds away from my overall goal! I've officially lost 50 pounds since surgery!!! Another 50 and I'll be at 133 - woah! I'm 75% of the way to where I'm expected to be - my first goal - 165! Makes me so happy!
And people are definitely taking note. A lot of the people who see me alll the time even recognize the transformation, even my roommate who sees me everyday! Speaking of roommates, Kelly is the best ex roomie ever (how's that? :))!
People at work stop me in the hall to tell me how great I look and I still find it hard to believe when people call me "skinny!" A word that has never been in my vocab unless describing people I'm jealous of ;)
I've really started finding myself again, and that has started with letting go. Letting go of all the things that have held me back for soo long. I had a longg chat filled with lots of tears and laughter with my wonderful Mother on Sunday.. something I think I should do every single Sunday from here on out! She put so much in perspective for me and helped me to realize how much I've matured without even realizing it's happened.
At the ripe old age of 25 I'm truly beginning to realize what I deserve and what I want out of this life. I'm to the point now where I enjoy hanging out with my friends as much as possible, but at the same time, I long for stability and for the life that the other half of my friends have. Mom and I both daydream of me getting married, starting a family and going through all of the things that so many people already have, but we also realize that in order to find happiness, I have to let go of the things that tied me down - the self hate that I placed upon my body, the negative body images that I've always had, and the overall obscured view of the beauty that I have always had inside.
I'm just going to keep soul searching, as exhausting as it can be at times, and quit soulmate searching, because that's just something I have to leave up to fate - and anyone who may want to play matchmaker.. just sayin ;)
My new job starts next Monday and I couldn't be more excited! Matt has e-mailed me to get information necessary to complete the move form and so everything is getting really real! The past 2 years have been incredibly stressful job-wise, but I've learned soo much about myself, my goals and my ability to overcome and exceed expectations. I've gotten this caseload caught up and ahead, and while some things (ehhem.. filing.. sorry Ryan) have gone to the wayside, I've really learned how to organize myself so that I can get things done efficiently.
I have met so many wonderful people in this job and I've worked with people who I felt truly deserved my time, attention, and help through some of the most difficult times of their lives. While some days I felt like I was being taken for granted, accosted or telephonically abused, I look back on this start to my career with nothing but gratitude and respect for those who will continue to do casework to the best of their ability. It's a hard job and it's not for the weak of heart!
I know that I can move into this new position with newfound confidence, not only in myself physically and able bodylied (?, I just made that up.), but in my ability to learn new programs, new policies and new ways of working with the public and helping them to get through rough patches. I know that if I can manage a caseload of 1,067, I can do anything and I realize that I didn't know everything on day 1 or day 365 or whatever today is. I am prepared for the learning process and I know that this change will be so healthy for me and my new self! I'm scared but extremely excited!
Andddd, that's all folks!
NMW,
<3
Today's weight is 183!!!! Wowowowowow! Another 3 pounds! This is getting absurd! I never in a million years thought I'd be losing weight this rapidly. Honestly, I think my hard work and determination and getting my butt to the Y atleast 2-3 times a week, or walking around the neighborhood with Mom is starting to reallyyy give me results! Instead of gaining muscle and seeming to plateu, I'm now continuing to gain muscle, but burn fat at the same time! Finallyyyy! Yayayay! This is the stage I've been waiting for!
I feel so incredibly good about myself these days. I'm actually starting to see how green the grass is on the other side! Why? Because I'm already ON the other side! The other side of 100 pounds away from my overall goal! I've officially lost 50 pounds since surgery!!! Another 50 and I'll be at 133 - woah! I'm 75% of the way to where I'm expected to be - my first goal - 165! Makes me so happy!
And people are definitely taking note. A lot of the people who see me alll the time even recognize the transformation, even my roommate who sees me everyday! Speaking of roommates, Kelly is the best ex roomie ever (how's that? :))!
People at work stop me in the hall to tell me how great I look and I still find it hard to believe when people call me "skinny!" A word that has never been in my vocab unless describing people I'm jealous of ;)
I've really started finding myself again, and that has started with letting go. Letting go of all the things that have held me back for soo long. I had a longg chat filled with lots of tears and laughter with my wonderful Mother on Sunday.. something I think I should do every single Sunday from here on out! She put so much in perspective for me and helped me to realize how much I've matured without even realizing it's happened.
At the ripe old age of 25 I'm truly beginning to realize what I deserve and what I want out of this life. I'm to the point now where I enjoy hanging out with my friends as much as possible, but at the same time, I long for stability and for the life that the other half of my friends have. Mom and I both daydream of me getting married, starting a family and going through all of the things that so many people already have, but we also realize that in order to find happiness, I have to let go of the things that tied me down - the self hate that I placed upon my body, the negative body images that I've always had, and the overall obscured view of the beauty that I have always had inside.
I'm just going to keep soul searching, as exhausting as it can be at times, and quit soulmate searching, because that's just something I have to leave up to fate - and anyone who may want to play matchmaker.. just sayin ;)
My new job starts next Monday and I couldn't be more excited! Matt has e-mailed me to get information necessary to complete the move form and so everything is getting really real! The past 2 years have been incredibly stressful job-wise, but I've learned soo much about myself, my goals and my ability to overcome and exceed expectations. I've gotten this caseload caught up and ahead, and while some things (ehhem.. filing.. sorry Ryan) have gone to the wayside, I've really learned how to organize myself so that I can get things done efficiently.
I have met so many wonderful people in this job and I've worked with people who I felt truly deserved my time, attention, and help through some of the most difficult times of their lives. While some days I felt like I was being taken for granted, accosted or telephonically abused, I look back on this start to my career with nothing but gratitude and respect for those who will continue to do casework to the best of their ability. It's a hard job and it's not for the weak of heart!
I know that I can move into this new position with newfound confidence, not only in myself physically and able bodylied (?, I just made that up.), but in my ability to learn new programs, new policies and new ways of working with the public and helping them to get through rough patches. I know that if I can manage a caseload of 1,067, I can do anything and I realize that I didn't know everything on day 1 or day 365 or whatever today is. I am prepared for the learning process and I know that this change will be so healthy for me and my new self! I'm scared but extremely excited!
Andddd, that's all folks!
NMW,
<3
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
WIW - 3 down with no reason to frown ;)
Oh, Weigh In Wednesday, how nice to see you again! For real though, not for play play!
When I stepped on the scaled this morning I was tickled pink to see 186!!! Oh em gee. That's 47 pounds less than I was at surgery merely 4 months ago! And a whopping 59 pounds since last summer! Wow! Only 26/46 pounds to go til I get to their/my goals!!! And that is what keeps me motivated!
It gets hard sometimes... remembering and keeping in check, the end result and what exactly that means to me. Who do I want to be when I get to my goal? What do I want to stand for? How do I want to be perceived? I've done a lot of soul searching just to keep myself the "same." But the same isn't always the best! I think personality-wise I want to be the same, because my sense of humor has gotten me through life itself.
Mentally and self-worth wise, however, I want to be different. I want to exude confidence, not arrogance/cockiness and so many people get the two confused. I feel like my confidence is bursting at the seems and every once in a while I feel great, amazing, undefeatable, but other times I remember I'm still human and I still get sad sometimes and that's okay! I don't know what part of me thought that the more I lost, the less I'd EVER feel blue, but those waves still come and go.
Last week, for example, I started getting into some kind of funk where something was just off and my whole mentality was affected. Maybe it's just changes in hormones, but the "normal" side of me was questioning how I could not be bouncing off the walls excited about my weight loss! Don't get me wrong, I was and AM super proud of me everyday, but I guess I just wanted it to be some magical cure for every little thing that sets off my "blah" spells. Oh well, that was then and today is a new, great day!
I finally feel like I'm out of that stage and like I've got myself back. I guess anxiety about change, etc. kinda caught me off guard. Who knows? What I do know is that I got my ass back to the Y Monday night after a few days of not going once again, and could truly tell a difference. Last night I didn't have anyone to go with so I went and walked with Mom & Dad instead, which was great! We had fun and even ran a little bit! Something my giggly bits would've never allowed 59 pounds ago! So I can only imagine how easy it will be in another 50 pounds! :)
Life keeps throwing me unexpected curve balls and I must say, the good outweighs the bad. Thank goodness! I've always been a "glass half full" kinda gal, so, I choose to let the good outweigh everything.
My grandmother, say or believe what you will about guardian angels and whether or not they exist, has really been looking out for me lately. I see it in so many ways and it's really kind of hard to explain. I see it in the butterflies that she seems to send me and I see it in the words of wisdom from my family & friends. I see the way she guides me towards certain situations and away from others. I've always loved hearing stories and little sayings of hers, as Granna died when I was very young.
What I do remember is her optimism and her bright, colorful wardrobe and personality to match! I feel like a part of her lives on within me and that makes me heart smile. I know that she would be so proud of me right now and I know that seeing my parents so happy with my results makes her glow with happiness, because it does me!
On a less sappy note, I'm really not sure how this weigh is coming off so easily. I hate to say it but really I think, against my doctor's/nutritionist's will, it's because I've been skipping lunch - eek! At most I'll grab a non-fat coffee at Starbucks on my lunch break, sometimes a low-fat treat, but I'm just not really that hungry, so why eat a big meal like I used to at lunch? Whatever works is my opinion!
I've been sure to eat a good, protein rich dinner after working out, so that helps as well. I'm just not trying to be anorexic just to get to my goal - haha! Never a fear, I <3 food!
This is just a lifetime journey that I keep trying to rush to - I know I'm racing to the finish line but I just want so badly to get there, I can't even stand it sometimes. Looking at how much of a difference there is so far, it makes me that much more strong-willed and determined to see the end result!
Always rushing to get to the next stage - that's me for ya!
I'm enjoying the ride and everything it's brought with it, of course, but I'm even more optimistic about the next few months as I get closer and closer to my goal, smaller and more toned!!
I still love myself, past, present and future, above all!
NMW <3
Time for pictures!!!
The first one is from the Britney Spears concert w/the girls last September and the second is from Erin's bday party in Charlotte July 30!
Sept 5 2009:
July 30 2010:
When I stepped on the scaled this morning I was tickled pink to see 186!!! Oh em gee. That's 47 pounds less than I was at surgery merely 4 months ago! And a whopping 59 pounds since last summer! Wow! Only 26/46 pounds to go til I get to their/my goals!!! And that is what keeps me motivated!
It gets hard sometimes... remembering and keeping in check, the end result and what exactly that means to me. Who do I want to be when I get to my goal? What do I want to stand for? How do I want to be perceived? I've done a lot of soul searching just to keep myself the "same." But the same isn't always the best! I think personality-wise I want to be the same, because my sense of humor has gotten me through life itself.
Mentally and self-worth wise, however, I want to be different. I want to exude confidence, not arrogance/cockiness and so many people get the two confused. I feel like my confidence is bursting at the seems and every once in a while I feel great, amazing, undefeatable, but other times I remember I'm still human and I still get sad sometimes and that's okay! I don't know what part of me thought that the more I lost, the less I'd EVER feel blue, but those waves still come and go.
Last week, for example, I started getting into some kind of funk where something was just off and my whole mentality was affected. Maybe it's just changes in hormones, but the "normal" side of me was questioning how I could not be bouncing off the walls excited about my weight loss! Don't get me wrong, I was and AM super proud of me everyday, but I guess I just wanted it to be some magical cure for every little thing that sets off my "blah" spells. Oh well, that was then and today is a new, great day!
I finally feel like I'm out of that stage and like I've got myself back. I guess anxiety about change, etc. kinda caught me off guard. Who knows? What I do know is that I got my ass back to the Y Monday night after a few days of not going once again, and could truly tell a difference. Last night I didn't have anyone to go with so I went and walked with Mom & Dad instead, which was great! We had fun and even ran a little bit! Something my giggly bits would've never allowed 59 pounds ago! So I can only imagine how easy it will be in another 50 pounds! :)
Life keeps throwing me unexpected curve balls and I must say, the good outweighs the bad. Thank goodness! I've always been a "glass half full" kinda gal, so, I choose to let the good outweigh everything.
My grandmother, say or believe what you will about guardian angels and whether or not they exist, has really been looking out for me lately. I see it in so many ways and it's really kind of hard to explain. I see it in the butterflies that she seems to send me and I see it in the words of wisdom from my family & friends. I see the way she guides me towards certain situations and away from others. I've always loved hearing stories and little sayings of hers, as Granna died when I was very young.
What I do remember is her optimism and her bright, colorful wardrobe and personality to match! I feel like a part of her lives on within me and that makes me heart smile. I know that she would be so proud of me right now and I know that seeing my parents so happy with my results makes her glow with happiness, because it does me!
On a less sappy note, I'm really not sure how this weigh is coming off so easily. I hate to say it but really I think, against my doctor's/nutritionist's will, it's because I've been skipping lunch - eek! At most I'll grab a non-fat coffee at Starbucks on my lunch break, sometimes a low-fat treat, but I'm just not really that hungry, so why eat a big meal like I used to at lunch? Whatever works is my opinion!
I've been sure to eat a good, protein rich dinner after working out, so that helps as well. I'm just not trying to be anorexic just to get to my goal - haha! Never a fear, I <3 food!
This is just a lifetime journey that I keep trying to rush to - I know I'm racing to the finish line but I just want so badly to get there, I can't even stand it sometimes. Looking at how much of a difference there is so far, it makes me that much more strong-willed and determined to see the end result!
Always rushing to get to the next stage - that's me for ya!
I'm enjoying the ride and everything it's brought with it, of course, but I'm even more optimistic about the next few months as I get closer and closer to my goal, smaller and more toned!!
I still love myself, past, present and future, above all!
NMW <3
Time for pictures!!!
The first one is from the Britney Spears concert w/the girls last September and the second is from Erin's bday party in Charlotte July 30!
Sept 5 2009:
July 30 2010:
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Oh, hey 180's, nice to see you again!
Wooohooooo I'm finally in the 180s and it feels amazingg as do I! I'm at 189 and once again, I've lost 2 pounds since last week. Yay! I know I should be just as happy when I lose a pound a week, but really.. 2 pounds closer to my goal is always a huuuge victory!
I also got a new job!!! Another huuuuge victory! Starting in a couple of weeks I will be the new Community Resources Consultant for Forsyth County DSS! Yay! Sounds pretty important, and that's exciting to me.. it's all in a name! I'll be working with the LIEAP (Low Income Energy Assistance Progam) and CIP (Crisis Intervention Program) programs! Woo! No more casework! Well, just in a different capacity. I feel like everything is changing and all for the better.
I'm getting a grip on life and taking it by the horns. I'm doing amazing things and I've got a lot to look forward to and work towards. I feel like all of this change, while absolutely terrifying, is absolutely necessary. I constantly say that I want a change of scenery and I want to get out of "this place" but sometimes small changes are just as much. As long as I keep doing what's best for me, everything will fall into place!
I'm really in a good place right now and I don't want to jinx myself, but I feel like things are only going to get better. God has proven to me that if I put myself first and truly care for and love myself, others will do the same. It's amazing the outpour of support I've received recently. People I never talk to at work have stopped me in the hall to tell me how great I look or to ask me what my secret is :) My Lap Band surgery is no secret, and I love telling people about the procedure.
I can honestly say this is the best thing I've ever done for myself. Ever. For so many years I filled a void and a hole in my heart with food and spending money on clothes, etc. But now, I'm learning how to control my eating and everthing else is getting easier to control as well.. Finallyyy.
So many good things have been happening/are coming up! I had a fabulous trip to Charlotte last weekend to celebrate the life of my best friend, Erin, which was fabulous!
This coming weekend is my "little" cousin Don and Julia's wedding, they are soo precious and I can't wait for that celebration! <3 As well as seeing all of my aunts & uncles, exciting that Debbie, Don, Sandy and Kyle will be here!
Of course, starting my new position in a couple of weeks will be exciting! Anxiety inducing, but exciting! I'm really sad to leave my current unit... as much as I'm not sad to leave my 1,000 cases behind, I'm leaving behind the best supervisor I've ever had and the best coworkers I've ever worked with. They really make me laugh on a daily basis, but I guess moving on is what I've go to do. Hopefully I'll have the same stroke of luck upstairs!.. even half would be nice.
There's really not much else to talk about... the exciting part is that I'm down to 189! I am so flippin happy about that! I've worked hard to get this far, and the fact that I only have 29lbs til I get to their goal and 49 til I get to mine.. makes it seem soo much more attainable! I've already knocked out 44 since surgery and 56 since last summer... what's another 29-49?? Pshhhh!
NMW,
<3
Jen's phone takes great pictures :) Most recent of me & G-Unit from 7/31/10
I also got a new job!!! Another huuuuge victory! Starting in a couple of weeks I will be the new Community Resources Consultant for Forsyth County DSS! Yay! Sounds pretty important, and that's exciting to me.. it's all in a name! I'll be working with the LIEAP (Low Income Energy Assistance Progam) and CIP (Crisis Intervention Program) programs! Woo! No more casework! Well, just in a different capacity. I feel like everything is changing and all for the better.
I'm getting a grip on life and taking it by the horns. I'm doing amazing things and I've got a lot to look forward to and work towards. I feel like all of this change, while absolutely terrifying, is absolutely necessary. I constantly say that I want a change of scenery and I want to get out of "this place" but sometimes small changes are just as much. As long as I keep doing what's best for me, everything will fall into place!
I'm really in a good place right now and I don't want to jinx myself, but I feel like things are only going to get better. God has proven to me that if I put myself first and truly care for and love myself, others will do the same. It's amazing the outpour of support I've received recently. People I never talk to at work have stopped me in the hall to tell me how great I look or to ask me what my secret is :) My Lap Band surgery is no secret, and I love telling people about the procedure.
I can honestly say this is the best thing I've ever done for myself. Ever. For so many years I filled a void and a hole in my heart with food and spending money on clothes, etc. But now, I'm learning how to control my eating and everthing else is getting easier to control as well.. Finallyyy.
So many good things have been happening/are coming up! I had a fabulous trip to Charlotte last weekend to celebrate the life of my best friend, Erin, which was fabulous!
This coming weekend is my "little" cousin Don and Julia's wedding, they are soo precious and I can't wait for that celebration! <3 As well as seeing all of my aunts & uncles, exciting that Debbie, Don, Sandy and Kyle will be here!
Of course, starting my new position in a couple of weeks will be exciting! Anxiety inducing, but exciting! I'm really sad to leave my current unit... as much as I'm not sad to leave my 1,000 cases behind, I'm leaving behind the best supervisor I've ever had and the best coworkers I've ever worked with. They really make me laugh on a daily basis, but I guess moving on is what I've go to do. Hopefully I'll have the same stroke of luck upstairs!.. even half would be nice.
There's really not much else to talk about... the exciting part is that I'm down to 189! I am so flippin happy about that! I've worked hard to get this far, and the fact that I only have 29lbs til I get to their goal and 49 til I get to mine.. makes it seem soo much more attainable! I've already knocked out 44 since surgery and 56 since last summer... what's another 29-49?? Pshhhh!
NMW,
<3
Jen's phone takes great pictures :) Most recent of me & G-Unit from 7/31/10
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