Seriously.. I can't believe it's been almost two years since I last made an entry. For shame! I make absolutely no promises that I will be able to keep this up weekly like I used to, but I will say that I promise to try harder!
I'm not even going to go back to my last post to see what I said or where I left off.. what's the point? It's been so long. So much has happened, so much has changed, and well, so much is better, worse, or just the same!
I've been in denial for a while (that rhymes) about my weight gain over the past few months. Ughhhh. Alas, my body was like, hey girl... go see your doctor, stat. If you don't, I'm going to make your chest burn in a way you've never felt before until you do. And so, I had an appointment this morning and saw Elizabeth at Dr. Fernandez's office this morning.
I told her my symptoms and apologized a million times for not having been back to see them. She made me feel so much better about it, and told me that they're here for me, they won't make me come, but that I did the right thing in realizing that there's something going on, and coming in. So that made me feel a lot better. No reprimanding, no judging, just straight up help!
I've had some heartburn the past few months and just managed it with tums and milk and whatnot. I knew better, but I just wasn't ready to deal with it. My mind and body were not in sync. I'm working on that. The heartburn led her to believe that my band may be too tight. She checked my saline and there was still the same amount in there as before, so she took out .5 cc's to try to help reduce and get rid of the heartburn. I told her that I've felt like I could eat more than I used to, and that was worrisome to me. It was odd to her that I could eat more but had symptoms of a tight band, but less restriction.
They are sending me for an Esophagram, and will be calling within 3 days to schedule it. Basically I'll have to drink the nasty Barium Swallow and have x-rays done, same thing I had before and just after the surgery. Not too bad, I'm glad it's not an endoscopy like I originally thought when she said that. Yuck!
She said they wanted to check to make sure the band hasn't slipped.. which would be bad - requiring surgery and whatnot. But knowing my body, I feel like I've maybe been overeating and stretched out my little stomach. :( A coworker of mine had that problem and they let out her saline completely for 3 months, and everything returned to normal. That would be a good scenario, and I'm optimistic that that's what's going on with me. I like minimally invasive scenarios! So.. I'll just wait and see what they say..
She also asked about any new stress in my life, and without going into detail.. there has definitely been that! Hopefully things will calm down in the coming months, but right now things are crazy, and that's ok. Everything that comes will be dealt with, I just have to figure out ways not to internalize it and to get it out - hello, exercise!! I've GOT to get back to exercising like I was. I loved it, but sometimes it's so much easier to go home and take care of stuff there than it is to go to the gym and take care of myself there! Excuses, excuses. I know. Believe me, I've beaten myself up a lot!!
In the past two years I've gone from having lost 80 pounds to about 60. That just makes me want to cry, but that'll only get rid of like... an ounce. So what's the point? I've got to get back on track, and I'm glad that I have the support of my doctors and nutritionists to help me do just that! And I also have to hold myself accountable - not let myself keep making excuses.. and not slack on telling all of y'all about it. I got bored.. I got complacent.. just like with exercising, I quit blogging because I fell off the slippery slope of forgetting.. and then just not doing it.. and making excuses. Full disclosure, y'all!
Life-wise, things are great! Kevin (Linsey & Latham) and I have been together for two years now, and they've been an amazing adventure to say the least! I've done so many things that I never thought I'd do, and experienced so many firsts with Kevin, and some with the kids! From riding motorcycles, to flying cross country to Lake Tahoe. The three of them have brought me a sense of joy and fulfillment that I never knew I was missing. I knew something was missing, I just couldn't pinpoint it. We've already been through a lot in just two years, but every day we are together is better than the last. Kevin has taught me to take things one day at a time, and it's really helped me to quit living in the past. It's over and gone, and today is a new day. And patience, I've learned a lot about patience ;)
For a long time I thought I'd never meet my soul mate. I also never thought my soul mate would come with twins every other weekend, but life is full of wonderful surprises! I don't consider myself a step-mom at this point, but something that's weighed heavy on my heart since L&L came into my life is the stereotype of evil step-moms. I'm glad to be able to banish that in my own situation, but still, I'm sure there will always be haters. The only thing I know for sure is that I love them and their Dad with all of my heart, and I will do everything I can to set a good example for them, and being healthy is a big part of that. It's easy to say, "you need to eat healthy and exercise so you can grow big and strong!" but actions always speak louder than words. We do set examples by eating vegetables with every meal, but we could always do more! Easier said than done, but I'm really going to work on it!
My nephews continue to be a huge light in my life, and I love watching them grow! I am so lucky to have so many sweet, caring, loving children in my life. They make me laugh so much, and the ease with which they share their love is something I wish everybody did! Kids are so unassuming and sweet.. they just want everyone to get along and for everything to be hunky dory.. me too kids.. me too!
Off my tangent.... I'm ready to find out exactly what's going on with my Lap Band and I will definitely update when I have new information. I hope that I can find that motivation again and get back to where I was and keep going! Rather than getting to my goal.. then saying, Ok! I'm done! Haha. That wasn't the promise I made to myself, and I'm going to get back to the promise that I did! To be the best Becky I can be. After all, I'm living for more than just me these days!
I still love myself, even if I kick myself sometimes!
No matter what. <3 font="">
March 23, 2010 my life changed in an amazing way. This is my Lap-Band (weight loss surgery) experience from start to present...
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Thursday, December 29, 2011
A Year In Review....
With the end of the year approaching quickly, I can't help but think of how many things have changed this year. In such amazing ways.
The physical transformation I've made over the past two years has brought me to an amazing place, and for that I am extremely grateful. The fact that my Lap Band story has, thus far, been successful makes me feel like a weight loss inspiration to people, and that's something that no one could have ever convinced me of when I was 245 pounds. Not even myself. I'm still a work in progress, but the keyword there is progress.
I've made such huge strides in my life this past year and I just can't begin to explain how grateful I am for each of the opportunities I've had, friendships I've made, relationships I've recovered, lessons I've learned and accomplishments I've completed. To say that I am in a good place is an understatement.
Admittedly, some days my job felt like a chore, that's mostly because of waking up early, and being the polar opposite of a morning person. But what keeps me waking up early and trudging through 40 hour week after week, is the client who genuinely thanks me and appreciates what I do. The single father of three whose lights have been cut off. The elderly person who returned the favor of my assistance by praying for me. The one who offered words of strenth when she could tell I was stressed. The ones who laughed with me and let me remind them that even the seemingly worst situations always, always get better. These people keep me grateful for all of my many blessings, and they keep me sane when I'm at my wits end.
The thing that's kept me going this year is the knowledge and wisdom that things always get better. I'm old enough to know that there are crappy times, and there are wonderful times, and to appreciate the latter to remember it will come again. There have been so many mixed blessings, and blessings in disguise this year that I can't imagine playing out any better. Things that I never want to think about again, and things that I cherish that I'll never forget.
One of the biggest mixed blessings was definitely the early arrival of my sweet nephew! The hardest part for the whole family was definitely the separation anxiety of having to leave him everyday at the hospital. Just as an aunt, it was hard, but I have never felt my heart hurt as much for my sister as it has the past month. But you wouldn't know it if you saw her. I have never been more proud to call Jennifer and Jay my family, which also goes for both of our families. Days upon days spent in a hospital takes a toll on everyone, but truly makes you appreciate the life that you have and get to cherish and enjoy, and feel empathy for those less fortunate.
This time of the year always makes me kind of sappy (obvi) but it also makes me giddy to think of how far I've come as an adult and as a woman. I guess, since I'm now approaching 27, I have to face the music and realize that's what I am. I have my parents and sister to thank for molding me into the sensitive, overly caring, bend over backwards, overly emotional at times, strong person that I am. I have faced the demon of depression head-on, and conquered it. I've lived through the deaths of loved ones. I've burned a few bridges, but I've also successfully overcome hurdles that I thought would never recede.
If you had told me two, three years ago that I would be where I am today, I'm not sure I would've believed you. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't see outside of the box of the Becky I had become. I had grown to hate my body and secretly felt bitter towards those who had 'perfect' ones. These days I don't see anyone as perfect. I see them as human, inside and out. I had become so wrapped up in my own body image that I was picking other people apart, and becoming jealous when they weren't doing anything to provoke it.
I knew deep down I deserved someone who was kind and genuniely good hearted. I just didn't think they'd be crazy enough to put up with my antics. The relationship I'm in now, in just a short period of time, has taught me that I have always deserved better, and I had been selling myself short. I didn't know that anyone could be so conscientious and care about me as much as my family and best friends do! But I must say, he does a fantastic job of calming my nerves and making me laugh when I just want to cry.
The Becky I had become would be totally jealous of the Becky I have become.
I'm living the life I've always deserved, surrounded by people who care about me and are not out to hurt me - if you know what I mean. I'm doing a job that I've grown to genuinely love, and I have taken on full responsibility for making it my goal to help each and every person who truly needs assistance, if not from our programs, then from someone in the community. I've laughed and cried and cried from laughing more than I think I ever have, and I've finally started to stop and smell the roses.
2011 has been a big year, and I really hope 2012 brings it's A Game.
NMW,
<3 Aunt Bay loves these boys!
The physical transformation I've made over the past two years has brought me to an amazing place, and for that I am extremely grateful. The fact that my Lap Band story has, thus far, been successful makes me feel like a weight loss inspiration to people, and that's something that no one could have ever convinced me of when I was 245 pounds. Not even myself. I'm still a work in progress, but the keyword there is progress.
I've made such huge strides in my life this past year and I just can't begin to explain how grateful I am for each of the opportunities I've had, friendships I've made, relationships I've recovered, lessons I've learned and accomplishments I've completed. To say that I am in a good place is an understatement.
Admittedly, some days my job felt like a chore, that's mostly because of waking up early, and being the polar opposite of a morning person. But what keeps me waking up early and trudging through 40 hour week after week, is the client who genuinely thanks me and appreciates what I do. The single father of three whose lights have been cut off. The elderly person who returned the favor of my assistance by praying for me. The one who offered words of strenth when she could tell I was stressed. The ones who laughed with me and let me remind them that even the seemingly worst situations always, always get better. These people keep me grateful for all of my many blessings, and they keep me sane when I'm at my wits end.
The thing that's kept me going this year is the knowledge and wisdom that things always get better. I'm old enough to know that there are crappy times, and there are wonderful times, and to appreciate the latter to remember it will come again. There have been so many mixed blessings, and blessings in disguise this year that I can't imagine playing out any better. Things that I never want to think about again, and things that I cherish that I'll never forget.
One of the biggest mixed blessings was definitely the early arrival of my sweet nephew! The hardest part for the whole family was definitely the separation anxiety of having to leave him everyday at the hospital. Just as an aunt, it was hard, but I have never felt my heart hurt as much for my sister as it has the past month. But you wouldn't know it if you saw her. I have never been more proud to call Jennifer and Jay my family, which also goes for both of our families. Days upon days spent in a hospital takes a toll on everyone, but truly makes you appreciate the life that you have and get to cherish and enjoy, and feel empathy for those less fortunate.
This time of the year always makes me kind of sappy (obvi) but it also makes me giddy to think of how far I've come as an adult and as a woman. I guess, since I'm now approaching 27, I have to face the music and realize that's what I am. I have my parents and sister to thank for molding me into the sensitive, overly caring, bend over backwards, overly emotional at times, strong person that I am. I have faced the demon of depression head-on, and conquered it. I've lived through the deaths of loved ones. I've burned a few bridges, but I've also successfully overcome hurdles that I thought would never recede.
If you had told me two, three years ago that I would be where I am today, I'm not sure I would've believed you. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't see outside of the box of the Becky I had become. I had grown to hate my body and secretly felt bitter towards those who had 'perfect' ones. These days I don't see anyone as perfect. I see them as human, inside and out. I had become so wrapped up in my own body image that I was picking other people apart, and becoming jealous when they weren't doing anything to provoke it.
I knew deep down I deserved someone who was kind and genuniely good hearted. I just didn't think they'd be crazy enough to put up with my antics. The relationship I'm in now, in just a short period of time, has taught me that I have always deserved better, and I had been selling myself short. I didn't know that anyone could be so conscientious and care about me as much as my family and best friends do! But I must say, he does a fantastic job of calming my nerves and making me laugh when I just want to cry.
The Becky I had become would be totally jealous of the Becky I have become.
I'm living the life I've always deserved, surrounded by people who care about me and are not out to hurt me - if you know what I mean. I'm doing a job that I've grown to genuinely love, and I have taken on full responsibility for making it my goal to help each and every person who truly needs assistance, if not from our programs, then from someone in the community. I've laughed and cried and cried from laughing more than I think I ever have, and I've finally started to stop and smell the roses.
2011 has been a big year, and I really hope 2012 brings it's A Game.
NMW,
<3 Aunt Bay loves these boys!
Monday, December 5, 2011
William Trott Weaver in da house!
Most of my Tuesdays are pretty typical, and somewhat boring by my standards. Which is generally a good thing!
And then there are Tuesdays like that of November 29, 2011.
After getting to work at 7am, I unassumingly went about my routine of checking my mailbox, my e-mail, sippin my coffee, checkin my Facebook..... and then my day got flipped, turned upside down, and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there....
But really. I saw my brother in law, Jay's Facebook status that simply said, "It's time." When your sister is 8 months pregnant, that can only mean one thing. My mind went berzerk. I couldn't get to my phone fast enough. When I finally did, I found that I had 3 missed calls and a voicemail from my sister. When I looked at Jay's status again, he had commented, "JK. JK." At this point, I knew there was no "JK" about it! He'd been told, 'You can't post on FB yet, then Becky will think it's ok to post!' (yes, Mom told me. ;)
I, of course, called my sister immediately to get the big news that her water had broken and they were on the way to the hospital! All of this before I had even put makeup on. You would've thought there were ants in my pants at this point. I could not sit still. I certainly didn't want to face the fact that I had a 10 hour day ahead of me, and the daunting task of leading a training session that afternoon! I am not a public speaker, but I'll have you know, the addreneline of knowing that I'd meet my sweet nephew soon was more than enough to get me through the day!
I left as soon as I possibly could, and headed straight to my sister's bedside. She and Jay were calm, cool and collected, just like I knew they would be. I, on the other hand, am a spaz when it comes to things such as this. I was beebopping around like a little kid, checking and sending texts, trying to figure out how to put people in mass text groups (HUGE apologies to those that I accidentally left out in my stuper) and helping Mom with her "Contractions App" on her new phone!
Jennifer was being such a trooper. She was breathing like a champ through the pain and went way longer than I could ever imagine without anything for pain. As her sister, it's hard for me to see my sister in any kind of pain, whatsoever. I'm sure Jay feels the same way. When we were little and she would get in trouble (rare.) and she cried, I cried. When my Granna died, I cried, but she went upstairs to deal with her pain because she knew she would upset me more. She's an amazing sister. Needless to say, seeing her in pain was hard, but seeing her smile between contractions was more than comforting.
If you read my post about Graham's birth, you would also be proud of the way I handled myself this go round. Once again, it was not in the "birth plan" for me (specifically) to be in the room upon Will's arrival. However, history repeats itself. And when you have a sister who progresses very quickly after a certain point in the labor process.. the chips will fall where they may. When push came to shove, I found myself standing/hiding behind my favorite brother in law. And I may or may not have a new appreciation for him. I could see my sister's head if I looked to the right, and luckily I know where babies come from, so that would just take a glance to the left.
When the Doctor came in, the baby was crowning. Jay's "It's time" status was very foreshadowing. One push later....
William 'Will' Trott Weaver entered the world. At 5:43am on November 30, 2011. Weighing 6lbs 6oz and 18 in long. 100% precious, just like his brother.
When Graham was born, as soon as they got him to the table, I gave him my pinky finger to wrap his little hand around. He's been wrapped around it ever since. I did the same with Will, just to let him know that I was there, and that for the rest of his life, should he need me, I will always be by his side, an arm's length away. These are two of the sweetest moments I've ever experienced and that I will treasure for the rest of my life.
It was so incredibly considerate of Will to come at the time of morning he did, as his Aunt Becky had to be at work at 7am.. and work yet another 10 hour day. This day was full of excitement and doting and showing off his picture. I was on Auntie Cloud 9 all over again. Such a great feeling.
That feeling was soon jeopardized when I learned that they were taking Will to the NICU, but soothed when it was "just to keep an eye on him since he's a little early." That was fine with me. We wanted him to be in tip top shape before coming home! And of course, in my euphoria, nothing could be wrong with him, so it was simply a precaution. He'd be there for a little bit, and by the time I got off work, I'd get to hold him for the first time!
Fast forward (which is literally what it has felt like) two weeks today. It has taken me this long to finish writing this post! I have started and stopped and edited and saved more times than I can count, but I'm determined to finish today.
In the first couple of days of Will's stay in NICU, which kind of seem like a blur now, he was observed and monitored while laying with just a diaper on a bed that had kind of a heater at the top. He was put on a C-PAP to help with his breathing and they said he would have to stay til at lesat the following Wednesday. I think that was kind of the "ok this is for real" breaking point for us as a family and of course Jennifer & Jay as his parents.
At this point, Jen was about to be discharged, and able to go home and be with Graham, which I think has helped more than anything. Her maternal instinct was going crazy and she just needed to be with and be able to hold her boys as much as possible. Being able to be home with Graham at least soothed this in part. She has handled the juggling of two boys in two domiciles incredibly well. I have always looked up to my sister, but seeing her and Jay work through this has been awe inspiring. She's able to be with Will during the day and tuck Graham into bed at night. They've got juggling down pat.
I got off subject, but.... After those first couple of days we learned that Will had a tiny hole in his lung resulting in a sac of air between his lung and the protective casing aka pneumonia. He has also had premature apnea, resulting in "episodes" of him seemingly holding his breath and causing his stats to drop. This is something the doctors said he would grow out of, which he (knock on wood) seems to have done! It's been kind of a roller coaster, but luckily Will's entire family is a very patient crew and of course we're not going to be ready for him to come home til he is! I know Graham can't wait to meet his little brother :)
Speaking of sweet little G-Unit! He's been awesome through all of this himself. As far as Graham is concerned, if you have a baw (ball), a book or feet to march with him with, he's content. It also helps if you are Mommy, Daddy, Grammy, Nana, Grandpa, Teve or one of his awesome aunts (that'd be me or Cameron, who flew in from St. Croix for a couple of days to meet Will!!!). But he takes to pretty much anyone - strangers in the waiting room? Not strangers anymore. Babys in pictures on the wall? High five to your face. He might be on of the youngest big brothers on the block, but he's quite mighty and full of life and giggles, and I just love him to bits! When he first saw Will's pictures he would blow kisses or kiss the phone screen. My attempt at showing him Will's picture resulted on my phone on the ground. Let's hope Will gets the first greeting when he comes home!
As of this morning (12/14) Will is a whole 2 WEEKS old. Omg. Where does the time go? Mind you, I said this the day I got to work and told someone he was already two hours old. He's doing very well, better everyday! Today is definitely the best so far. Jennifer sent us a message this morning that he was 'let off the cords' for a bit and she was able to take him to see the, oh so familiar, Christmas tree in the NICU, and to look out the windows and see the real world! So exciting. This morning felt like the first day he was born, all over again, I was running around (thru tears) telling the coworkers who have been intently following his progress, and we were hugging and high-fiving!
It's amazing to me, the love and support that has been pouring out for baby Will. Besides the fact that people who don't even know my family have been praying for him, the ones that do have just gone above and beyond! NICU nurses are amazing. I just can't give them enough praise! The fact that we've known several people who work at the hospital - namely in the NICU (!!!) has been such a blessing. Not that we ever wanted to see them there and under those circumstances, but it's always so nice to see a comforting, familiar face.
During those first couple of days when I really just had no clue what was going on, I cried at the drop of a dime. I realize in retrospec that I may have been overreacting, but I don't wish it on my worst enemy to see someone they love in any type of intensive care. Crying was the only thing I knew to do, and seeing a nurse I've known since I was a child just brought that out, but made me feel so much better. And I honestly don't think I've cried anything but happy tears since then. I could be wrong. I cry a lot. It's cathartic.
All of that said, we're hoping and praying and crossing our fingers and wishing on stars that Will is giong to be able to come on home this Saturday. We've had a couple of setbacks, so we really won't b elieve it til we see it, but the way he's breathing so well and keeping his stats up on his own right now, he's almost there.
Jay took an infant CPR class last week (gosh, he seriously gets mad brownie points from me, even if he gives me a hard time - all the time.) Jennifer, Carol, myself and my parents will be taking it this week. Not because we think we'll ever have to use it, but because we never want to be unprepared! And as many babies as we're around on a frequent basis, I think it's a good idea regardless! It's been years since I was CPR certified, so I just hope I can pass. If not, I'm never going to babysit Will. Ever. No pressure, CPR instructor, but I really must get this down pat.
I know I'm just going to be a big ball of tears with Graham and Will meet for the first time, but I simply cannot wait for that moment. That's going to be a picture worth a million words. And it's been such a long time coming! I know it's going to be very hectic and exciting and anxiety inducing, and every emotion under the sun when Will comes home, but I just look forward to him being at home where he's supposed to be. He just had to make sure he got a lot of extra care and attention, because that's just what we second born children do. He was just like, hey, yall better pay attention, because I'm comin in with a storm and I'm going to be your best. Christmas present. Ever.
Mad props to all of my best friends, the boyfriend, Jennifer's amazing friends, and our extended family for being awesome through all of this! I know some of my friends may be tired of hearing about it, but, if you know me at all, you know my world revolves around these babies, and you like me anyway.
Thus concludes my William Trott Weaver post.
NMW,
<3
Brand new!
Heating bed & C-PAP!
Making a C-PAP look precious.
Glow worm with oxygen hood - upgrade!
Daddy feeding :) Upgraded to only a nasal canula - which has since been removed. Woo!
And then there are Tuesdays like that of November 29, 2011.
After getting to work at 7am, I unassumingly went about my routine of checking my mailbox, my e-mail, sippin my coffee, checkin my Facebook..... and then my day got flipped, turned upside down, and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there....
But really. I saw my brother in law, Jay's Facebook status that simply said, "It's time." When your sister is 8 months pregnant, that can only mean one thing. My mind went berzerk. I couldn't get to my phone fast enough. When I finally did, I found that I had 3 missed calls and a voicemail from my sister. When I looked at Jay's status again, he had commented, "JK. JK." At this point, I knew there was no "JK" about it! He'd been told, 'You can't post on FB yet, then Becky will think it's ok to post!' (yes, Mom told me. ;)
I, of course, called my sister immediately to get the big news that her water had broken and they were on the way to the hospital! All of this before I had even put makeup on. You would've thought there were ants in my pants at this point. I could not sit still. I certainly didn't want to face the fact that I had a 10 hour day ahead of me, and the daunting task of leading a training session that afternoon! I am not a public speaker, but I'll have you know, the addreneline of knowing that I'd meet my sweet nephew soon was more than enough to get me through the day!
I left as soon as I possibly could, and headed straight to my sister's bedside. She and Jay were calm, cool and collected, just like I knew they would be. I, on the other hand, am a spaz when it comes to things such as this. I was beebopping around like a little kid, checking and sending texts, trying to figure out how to put people in mass text groups (HUGE apologies to those that I accidentally left out in my stuper) and helping Mom with her "Contractions App" on her new phone!
Jennifer was being such a trooper. She was breathing like a champ through the pain and went way longer than I could ever imagine without anything for pain. As her sister, it's hard for me to see my sister in any kind of pain, whatsoever. I'm sure Jay feels the same way. When we were little and she would get in trouble (rare.) and she cried, I cried. When my Granna died, I cried, but she went upstairs to deal with her pain because she knew she would upset me more. She's an amazing sister. Needless to say, seeing her in pain was hard, but seeing her smile between contractions was more than comforting.
If you read my post about Graham's birth, you would also be proud of the way I handled myself this go round. Once again, it was not in the "birth plan" for me (specifically) to be in the room upon Will's arrival. However, history repeats itself. And when you have a sister who progresses very quickly after a certain point in the labor process.. the chips will fall where they may. When push came to shove, I found myself standing/hiding behind my favorite brother in law. And I may or may not have a new appreciation for him. I could see my sister's head if I looked to the right, and luckily I know where babies come from, so that would just take a glance to the left.
When the Doctor came in, the baby was crowning. Jay's "It's time" status was very foreshadowing. One push later....
William 'Will' Trott Weaver entered the world. At 5:43am on November 30, 2011. Weighing 6lbs 6oz and 18 in long. 100% precious, just like his brother.
When Graham was born, as soon as they got him to the table, I gave him my pinky finger to wrap his little hand around. He's been wrapped around it ever since. I did the same with Will, just to let him know that I was there, and that for the rest of his life, should he need me, I will always be by his side, an arm's length away. These are two of the sweetest moments I've ever experienced and that I will treasure for the rest of my life.
It was so incredibly considerate of Will to come at the time of morning he did, as his Aunt Becky had to be at work at 7am.. and work yet another 10 hour day. This day was full of excitement and doting and showing off his picture. I was on Auntie Cloud 9 all over again. Such a great feeling.
That feeling was soon jeopardized when I learned that they were taking Will to the NICU, but soothed when it was "just to keep an eye on him since he's a little early." That was fine with me. We wanted him to be in tip top shape before coming home! And of course, in my euphoria, nothing could be wrong with him, so it was simply a precaution. He'd be there for a little bit, and by the time I got off work, I'd get to hold him for the first time!
Fast forward (which is literally what it has felt like) two weeks today. It has taken me this long to finish writing this post! I have started and stopped and edited and saved more times than I can count, but I'm determined to finish today.
In the first couple of days of Will's stay in NICU, which kind of seem like a blur now, he was observed and monitored while laying with just a diaper on a bed that had kind of a heater at the top. He was put on a C-PAP to help with his breathing and they said he would have to stay til at lesat the following Wednesday. I think that was kind of the "ok this is for real" breaking point for us as a family and of course Jennifer & Jay as his parents.
At this point, Jen was about to be discharged, and able to go home and be with Graham, which I think has helped more than anything. Her maternal instinct was going crazy and she just needed to be with and be able to hold her boys as much as possible. Being able to be home with Graham at least soothed this in part. She has handled the juggling of two boys in two domiciles incredibly well. I have always looked up to my sister, but seeing her and Jay work through this has been awe inspiring. She's able to be with Will during the day and tuck Graham into bed at night. They've got juggling down pat.
I got off subject, but.... After those first couple of days we learned that Will had a tiny hole in his lung resulting in a sac of air between his lung and the protective casing aka pneumonia. He has also had premature apnea, resulting in "episodes" of him seemingly holding his breath and causing his stats to drop. This is something the doctors said he would grow out of, which he (knock on wood) seems to have done! It's been kind of a roller coaster, but luckily Will's entire family is a very patient crew and of course we're not going to be ready for him to come home til he is! I know Graham can't wait to meet his little brother :)
Speaking of sweet little G-Unit! He's been awesome through all of this himself. As far as Graham is concerned, if you have a baw (ball), a book or feet to march with him with, he's content. It also helps if you are Mommy, Daddy, Grammy, Nana, Grandpa, Teve or one of his awesome aunts (that'd be me or Cameron, who flew in from St. Croix for a couple of days to meet Will!!!). But he takes to pretty much anyone - strangers in the waiting room? Not strangers anymore. Babys in pictures on the wall? High five to your face. He might be on of the youngest big brothers on the block, but he's quite mighty and full of life and giggles, and I just love him to bits! When he first saw Will's pictures he would blow kisses or kiss the phone screen. My attempt at showing him Will's picture resulted on my phone on the ground. Let's hope Will gets the first greeting when he comes home!
As of this morning (12/14) Will is a whole 2 WEEKS old. Omg. Where does the time go? Mind you, I said this the day I got to work and told someone he was already two hours old. He's doing very well, better everyday! Today is definitely the best so far. Jennifer sent us a message this morning that he was 'let off the cords' for a bit and she was able to take him to see the, oh so familiar, Christmas tree in the NICU, and to look out the windows and see the real world! So exciting. This morning felt like the first day he was born, all over again, I was running around (thru tears) telling the coworkers who have been intently following his progress, and we were hugging and high-fiving!
It's amazing to me, the love and support that has been pouring out for baby Will. Besides the fact that people who don't even know my family have been praying for him, the ones that do have just gone above and beyond! NICU nurses are amazing. I just can't give them enough praise! The fact that we've known several people who work at the hospital - namely in the NICU (!!!) has been such a blessing. Not that we ever wanted to see them there and under those circumstances, but it's always so nice to see a comforting, familiar face.
During those first couple of days when I really just had no clue what was going on, I cried at the drop of a dime. I realize in retrospec that I may have been overreacting, but I don't wish it on my worst enemy to see someone they love in any type of intensive care. Crying was the only thing I knew to do, and seeing a nurse I've known since I was a child just brought that out, but made me feel so much better. And I honestly don't think I've cried anything but happy tears since then. I could be wrong. I cry a lot. It's cathartic.
All of that said, we're hoping and praying and crossing our fingers and wishing on stars that Will is giong to be able to come on home this Saturday. We've had a couple of setbacks, so we really won't b elieve it til we see it, but the way he's breathing so well and keeping his stats up on his own right now, he's almost there.
Jay took an infant CPR class last week (gosh, he seriously gets mad brownie points from me, even if he gives me a hard time - all the time.) Jennifer, Carol, myself and my parents will be taking it this week. Not because we think we'll ever have to use it, but because we never want to be unprepared! And as many babies as we're around on a frequent basis, I think it's a good idea regardless! It's been years since I was CPR certified, so I just hope I can pass. If not, I'm never going to babysit Will. Ever. No pressure, CPR instructor, but I really must get this down pat.
I know I'm just going to be a big ball of tears with Graham and Will meet for the first time, but I simply cannot wait for that moment. That's going to be a picture worth a million words. And it's been such a long time coming! I know it's going to be very hectic and exciting and anxiety inducing, and every emotion under the sun when Will comes home, but I just look forward to him being at home where he's supposed to be. He just had to make sure he got a lot of extra care and attention, because that's just what we second born children do. He was just like, hey, yall better pay attention, because I'm comin in with a storm and I'm going to be your best. Christmas present. Ever.
Mad props to all of my best friends, the boyfriend, Jennifer's amazing friends, and our extended family for being awesome through all of this! I know some of my friends may be tired of hearing about it, but, if you know me at all, you know my world revolves around these babies, and you like me anyway.
Thus concludes my William Trott Weaver post.
NMW,
<3
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
I love you this big, Kaylee Bear!
I weighed! I swear, I did! And, in completely anticlimactic news... I am still at 165! I have got to get my butt back to the Y, for realz. Body pump is calling my name.
I am devoting this post entirely to my sweet God daughter, who is turning 5 tomorrow. She's the first to make me "Aunt Becky," as her mom (my cousin Mary Beth) is more like a sister - who, ehhem... I don't see enough these days! Warning: It's gonna be sappy.
Dear sweet Kaylee Bear,
I love you more than words! I can't even begin to describe to you the joy that you've brought to me. The day that I found out your Mommy was pregnant, I think I squealed, cried and maybe even did a little dance. It feels like it was just yesterday that I saw your sweet face in an ultrasound picture, helped put your cute little clothes up in your nursery, and anticipated the day that I would get to meet you!
Five years ago today, as I was working like crazy to finish up all the last minute details of my senior project, I got a very exciting phone call from your Gigi. Everyone was heading to the hospital (so not scary) to prepare for your arrival! This call came late that evening, and guess what? I did not sleep a wink! I lived far away in the mountains, and had a big presentation the next day, so much to my dismay I could not come home just yet! Instead, I finished my assignment, and re-read it about a hundred times. I cleaned my room.. and anything else I could think of to clean... I watched hours of pointless TV... and I called incessantly to check on you and your Mommy!
I can tell you right now that I have no idea how I made an A on that project the day you were born, because all I remember is literally running to my car on King St (in my totes approp pink sweater) to get back to Winston-Salem, in hopes of arriving before you did! You had other plans. You just wanted to make sure I'd get to meet you as sooon as I got there, didn't you? I got a "SHE'S HERE!!!" phone call at around 10:15am just as I made it down the curvy part of the mountain. I couldn't believe it, and I couldn't wait to get there - although I did not speed, and I wore my seatbelt, and I did not text and drive, so you shouldn't either.
Meeting you and holding you for the first time was one of the hi-lights of my life. And everyday since then, just thinking about you brings a smile to my face. It just amazes me how smart you are! Every time I see you, you have an awesome new song, dance or toy to show me. Your hugs make my heart melt and it goes without saying that hearing you tell me, "I love you," makes me happier than I could ever express.
In the past five years you've taught me so much about myself, without even meaning to or knowing that you have. You've taught me that being silly is a part of life. That dancing, making faces, and playing with chalk, stickers, dolls and puzzles can be endlessly entertaining. That seeing a picture immediately after it's taken is vital. That cuddling is the bestttt. That being a sister is one of our most important roles in life. That listening to Mom is always the best idea. That I am capable of cleaning up unmentionable things, of all varieties, while either laughing hysterically or soothing you to feel better. That there's no such thing as sacrificing when it comes to trading a night of my own to spend a night with you. You've taught me to love someone I didn't already know and love when I, myself, was born. Basically, you've taught me that although I'm not a mother, I'm capable of being a pretty awesome substitute when needed.
I look forward to watching you grow up even more, little miss! I hope you continue to be just as brilliant and sassy as you already are. I can't wait to spend more days with you, playing in the leaves, telling secrets, painting finger nails, building sand castles and playing with my phone camera.
You're the best God daughter any "Aunt" could ask for and I hope that you will someday have the same opportunity. We have a very special bond, Bear, and I know that will never change. So, when you're my age, I hope that you can feel free to send me telepathic messages or zip over to my house in your flying car, or whatever new form of communication and transportation there is. I will always be here for you and I will always love you to the moon!
Love, Aunt Beck
NMW,
<3 Just a small representation of all the fun we have together: See? She loves me. Maybe I bought it...
Promise she's not crying... afterall, "I'm with my BFF"... Maybe I bought that too...
I think Kaylee saw a real bear...
Picsay fun!
I am devoting this post entirely to my sweet God daughter, who is turning 5 tomorrow. She's the first to make me "Aunt Becky," as her mom (my cousin Mary Beth) is more like a sister - who, ehhem... I don't see enough these days! Warning: It's gonna be sappy.
Dear sweet Kaylee Bear,
I love you more than words! I can't even begin to describe to you the joy that you've brought to me. The day that I found out your Mommy was pregnant, I think I squealed, cried and maybe even did a little dance. It feels like it was just yesterday that I saw your sweet face in an ultrasound picture, helped put your cute little clothes up in your nursery, and anticipated the day that I would get to meet you!
Five years ago today, as I was working like crazy to finish up all the last minute details of my senior project, I got a very exciting phone call from your Gigi. Everyone was heading to the hospital (so not scary) to prepare for your arrival! This call came late that evening, and guess what? I did not sleep a wink! I lived far away in the mountains, and had a big presentation the next day, so much to my dismay I could not come home just yet! Instead, I finished my assignment, and re-read it about a hundred times. I cleaned my room.. and anything else I could think of to clean... I watched hours of pointless TV... and I called incessantly to check on you and your Mommy!
I can tell you right now that I have no idea how I made an A on that project the day you were born, because all I remember is literally running to my car on King St (in my totes approp pink sweater) to get back to Winston-Salem, in hopes of arriving before you did! You had other plans. You just wanted to make sure I'd get to meet you as sooon as I got there, didn't you? I got a "SHE'S HERE!!!" phone call at around 10:15am just as I made it down the curvy part of the mountain. I couldn't believe it, and I couldn't wait to get there - although I did not speed, and I wore my seatbelt, and I did not text and drive, so you shouldn't either.
Meeting you and holding you for the first time was one of the hi-lights of my life. And everyday since then, just thinking about you brings a smile to my face. It just amazes me how smart you are! Every time I see you, you have an awesome new song, dance or toy to show me. Your hugs make my heart melt and it goes without saying that hearing you tell me, "I love you," makes me happier than I could ever express.
In the past five years you've taught me so much about myself, without even meaning to or knowing that you have. You've taught me that being silly is a part of life. That dancing, making faces, and playing with chalk, stickers, dolls and puzzles can be endlessly entertaining. That seeing a picture immediately after it's taken is vital. That cuddling is the bestttt. That being a sister is one of our most important roles in life. That listening to Mom is always the best idea. That I am capable of cleaning up unmentionable things, of all varieties, while either laughing hysterically or soothing you to feel better. That there's no such thing as sacrificing when it comes to trading a night of my own to spend a night with you. You've taught me to love someone I didn't already know and love when I, myself, was born. Basically, you've taught me that although I'm not a mother, I'm capable of being a pretty awesome substitute when needed.
I look forward to watching you grow up even more, little miss! I hope you continue to be just as brilliant and sassy as you already are. I can't wait to spend more days with you, playing in the leaves, telling secrets, painting finger nails, building sand castles and playing with my phone camera.
You're the best God daughter any "Aunt" could ask for and I hope that you will someday have the same opportunity. We have a very special bond, Bear, and I know that will never change. So, when you're my age, I hope that you can feel free to send me telepathic messages or zip over to my house in your flying car, or whatever new form of communication and transportation there is. I will always be here for you and I will always love you to the moon!
Love, Aunt Beck
NMW,
<3 Just a small representation of all the fun we have together: See? She loves me. Maybe I bought it...
Promise she's not crying... afterall, "I'm with my BFF"... Maybe I bought that too...
I think Kaylee saw a real bear...
Picsay fun!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Truer than true.
Disclaimer: I haven't weighed in I don't know how long. So, there's that.
How many different ways can I say "It's been so long, I've been so busy, I've been lazy," or any other variation of a multitude of excuses I have for not updating my blog?? Umm, I could think of about 3 right now! But the fact that several people have asked me when I'm going to update again, inspired me to do just that! Honestly? I kinda thought people would just forget about it. Not the case! And that makes me feel pretty dang loved!
So, like I disclaimed, I haven't weighed. Not for any particular reason, other than, it's just not as much of a priority anymore. Some days I don't feel any different. Some days I feel super skinny and want to kick myself for not weighing that morning, and other days I just feel like a big blob of mush and I want to send my scale to a cold dark landfill. Basically, I feel like a normal woman, who doesn't feel like a big blob of mush everyday of her life, like I used to. But above all that? I'm still content. I know I've said that a few times, but I really, truly am. And the fact that I've been Beckskablog MIA is just proof of that, I suppose.
All excuses aside, I really have been super busy! Three friend/family weddings and a baby in the past two months, not to mention bachelorette parties, showers, and birthdays, all of which I love! This is my life. I dread the day that it all slows down.
First of all, my dear friend Holly was married to Alex on 9/10/11 and made an utmost gorgeous bride! Their wedding was absolutely beautiful, and I'm not just saying that because she reads this. But seriously, just the church was ridic! I could stay in there all day and just look around. They had an awesome reception at the Millenium Center and let's just say that sitting at a table with Caleb is never full of anything but ridiculousness and laughter. I am so grateful to have been a part of that special day, and everything that led up to it. I am so happy for them and I am glad to have a friend in the 'cop' community... just sayin.
Just a couple of weeks later, my favorite brunette McGehee cousin, Melissa was married to Kirk at a super fancy, super fantastic bowling boutique in Raleigh! Defnitely the most interactive fun reception I've ever been to! Melissa was beautiful as were all my cousins, of course! And it was so nice to get to see a few of my family members from Bermuda, especially Frances who I talk to all the time but hadn't seen since we were little! And it's always nice to spend time with my parents and AP & UL! I love you all!
This past weekend was the last wedding of my wedding season, and it went out with a bang, that's for sure! Stephanie, Laura and I traveled to Clarksville, TN to see one of our bff's, Morgan for her and Jonathan's big day. What a trip! We were able to make it in time to join her at her bachelorette party Thursday night, we had soo much fun. The entire weekend was a blast, and Morgan was totes gorgeous! They have a fun group of friends, so we boogied down quite a bit, even with the children. What a great way to spend a "girls weekend" with some of my bests! Can't wait to do it again, just because :)
There's all my wedding shoutouts, thank you all for letting me be a part of your special days, they will definitely go down in my memory book - oh, wait, they just did!
October 9th, 2011 was another very special day. Ashley & Brody welcomed Charlotte Lucille Jones into the world, and if you know me at all you know I am baby-crazy. That may even be an understatement. But when it's someone close to me that has the baby, it's a whole new level. I consider their son Aiden to be a nephew and Charlotte is just like a niece to me! I am absolutely amazed at how adorable she is. I'm not even kidding. She's absolutely ridiculously precious. I'm in love with her, head to toe! She looks just like her big brother, but I think she's going to be a spitting image of her Dear Mother! Graham and his little bro are totally going to fight over her.
Speaking of girls that I just love! I have a new roommate! She aight. No, I really do love her to death though, she and I are very similar in that we're both awesome, fabulous and ridiculously sarcastic. We have a great time together, and I think she may stick around for a while? I hope so because I really like her furniture. And when she does my hair & makeup. Aaand when she helps me babysit. She's probably got a lot of other good qualities too. We shall see. But for realz, she's legit, and you'd probably like her, too. Also, she's a kitchen designer at Kitchen Vision in Winston if you need an upgrade. You're welcome.
So I know everyone's (everyone Jay Weaver) wondering what's going on in the world of 'Becky's Love Life.' Well, as I've so heart-on-sleeve-ly documented in the past, I've been through hell and back when it comes to guys. I've definitely been on the broken road, kissed a toad or two, been on top of the world and knocked on my ass - all of it. Sometimes simultaneously. And that sucked, but it had to in order for me to appreciate a good thing. I guess I've kind of avoided blogging about it because I don't wanna jinx it! Oh well - there's a great guy in my life now, and he defnitely treats me the way I deserve to be treated. Just the fact that he's concerned about my well being in a way that no other guy ever has been, sets him apart. He made arrangements and helped to get the brakes on my car fixed, just so that I'd be safe on the road, since I'm already a moving hazzard just being on it. We'll be doing some skeet shooting and going to Martinsville for the Nascar race this weekend. I can't wait! And not to mention, we were 'fixed up' just when I had written off all Davie County guys! ;)
What's also awesome is that through this, I've rekindled old friendships, and that's an amazing gift. There are some people that come in and out of your life, and it's like you just pick up where you left off. Sadly you never realize when they're drifting away, but when they come back, it just makes you miss all the time you lost. One of my friends, Crystal and I have become a lot closer in the past couple of months, and I'm so grateful!
Soo, now that we're all caught up on the people in my life...
What about ol Beckskabob? I'm doing really well, overall. Like I said, I'm less concerned with the number on the scale these days. I get my kicks from little victories. For example: I bought a pair of jeans at Old Navy that were size 14's... mind you, I was in a size 24 at my highest weight. I got home and tried them on (I still hate trying things on at the store, because even though you're in that private changing room, there's something about it that makes me feel embarassed if jeans are too tight - silly, I know.) only to find that they were almost too big! They fit though, and I was happy with that. It took wearing them approximately twice before washing them, for me to be able to slide them off without unbuttoning them. Wooooo! I don't even care if it's just the denim they're made out of, they're too big! A size 14 too big for me? That is a win.
A couple of weeks ago I went to my sister's house to help her clean out her closets and separate clothes. Given that she's 7 months pregnant now, she made a pile of "post pregnancy" clothes that she let me pick through and borrow until baby boy #2 comes. One of these items included a pair of 7 For All Mankind jeans - SIZE 10. I have one pair of 7 jeans that are capris, and stretchy - the first pair I've ever owned bc I could never fit into their sizes before. So these are definitely my new favs, even though I rarely wear them because they cut off my circulation.
These are the little things that help me get by when people ask me annoying questions like, "oh, how much more do you want to lose?" That question makes me want to lose it on them. You wouldn't ask someone who had plastic surgery how much more they intend to get done. Or would you? I wouldn't. So I don't like to be asked how much more I'm going to improve my body. So, don't be that person. I don't think any of you have, or if you did, it didn't offend me.. which is why I feel free to say this! Soapbox over.
I'm still really happy with my band, but I'll be honest, there are days that I just want to EAT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. There. I said it. It wouldn't surprise me if I've supressed dreams about going to a buffet and eating until I can eat no more, and that not being a kid's plate worth of food. I don't recall any, but I'm sure they have happened. A lot of people who aren't familiar with the Lap Band have asked me when I will get it taken out, etc. and I have explained to them it just doesn't work like that. I'd balloon back up if I didn't have it! And again, don't get me wrong, I love it, I do! But this blog is all about me being real. And that's the real deal, y'all.
Shoutouts:
Erin Michelle, I miss your face. Like, woah.
Kelly, same goes for you, and you live here now, so pencil me in STAT.
I'm all tapped out for today, I'm gonna try reallllly hard to weigh before next week, and have a real WIW update! Promise.
NMW,
<3
How many different ways can I say "It's been so long, I've been so busy, I've been lazy," or any other variation of a multitude of excuses I have for not updating my blog?? Umm, I could think of about 3 right now! But the fact that several people have asked me when I'm going to update again, inspired me to do just that! Honestly? I kinda thought people would just forget about it. Not the case! And that makes me feel pretty dang loved!
So, like I disclaimed, I haven't weighed. Not for any particular reason, other than, it's just not as much of a priority anymore. Some days I don't feel any different. Some days I feel super skinny and want to kick myself for not weighing that morning, and other days I just feel like a big blob of mush and I want to send my scale to a cold dark landfill. Basically, I feel like a normal woman, who doesn't feel like a big blob of mush everyday of her life, like I used to. But above all that? I'm still content. I know I've said that a few times, but I really, truly am. And the fact that I've been Beckskablog MIA is just proof of that, I suppose.
All excuses aside, I really have been super busy! Three friend/family weddings and a baby in the past two months, not to mention bachelorette parties, showers, and birthdays, all of which I love! This is my life. I dread the day that it all slows down.
First of all, my dear friend Holly was married to Alex on 9/10/11 and made an utmost gorgeous bride! Their wedding was absolutely beautiful, and I'm not just saying that because she reads this. But seriously, just the church was ridic! I could stay in there all day and just look around. They had an awesome reception at the Millenium Center and let's just say that sitting at a table with Caleb is never full of anything but ridiculousness and laughter. I am so grateful to have been a part of that special day, and everything that led up to it. I am so happy for them and I am glad to have a friend in the 'cop' community... just sayin.
Just a couple of weeks later, my favorite brunette McGehee cousin, Melissa was married to Kirk at a super fancy, super fantastic bowling boutique in Raleigh! Defnitely the most interactive fun reception I've ever been to! Melissa was beautiful as were all my cousins, of course! And it was so nice to get to see a few of my family members from Bermuda, especially Frances who I talk to all the time but hadn't seen since we were little! And it's always nice to spend time with my parents and AP & UL! I love you all!
This past weekend was the last wedding of my wedding season, and it went out with a bang, that's for sure! Stephanie, Laura and I traveled to Clarksville, TN to see one of our bff's, Morgan for her and Jonathan's big day. What a trip! We were able to make it in time to join her at her bachelorette party Thursday night, we had soo much fun. The entire weekend was a blast, and Morgan was totes gorgeous! They have a fun group of friends, so we boogied down quite a bit, even with the children. What a great way to spend a "girls weekend" with some of my bests! Can't wait to do it again, just because :)
There's all my wedding shoutouts, thank you all for letting me be a part of your special days, they will definitely go down in my memory book - oh, wait, they just did!
October 9th, 2011 was another very special day. Ashley & Brody welcomed Charlotte Lucille Jones into the world, and if you know me at all you know I am baby-crazy. That may even be an understatement. But when it's someone close to me that has the baby, it's a whole new level. I consider their son Aiden to be a nephew and Charlotte is just like a niece to me! I am absolutely amazed at how adorable she is. I'm not even kidding. She's absolutely ridiculously precious. I'm in love with her, head to toe! She looks just like her big brother, but I think she's going to be a spitting image of her Dear Mother! Graham and his little bro are totally going to fight over her.
Speaking of girls that I just love! I have a new roommate! She aight. No, I really do love her to death though, she and I are very similar in that we're both awesome, fabulous and ridiculously sarcastic. We have a great time together, and I think she may stick around for a while? I hope so because I really like her furniture. And when she does my hair & makeup. Aaand when she helps me babysit. She's probably got a lot of other good qualities too. We shall see. But for realz, she's legit, and you'd probably like her, too. Also, she's a kitchen designer at Kitchen Vision in Winston if you need an upgrade. You're welcome.
So I know everyone's (
What's also awesome is that through this, I've rekindled old friendships, and that's an amazing gift. There are some people that come in and out of your life, and it's like you just pick up where you left off. Sadly you never realize when they're drifting away, but when they come back, it just makes you miss all the time you lost. One of my friends, Crystal and I have become a lot closer in the past couple of months, and I'm so grateful!
Soo, now that we're all caught up on the people in my life...
What about ol Beckskabob? I'm doing really well, overall. Like I said, I'm less concerned with the number on the scale these days. I get my kicks from little victories. For example: I bought a pair of jeans at Old Navy that were size 14's... mind you, I was in a size 24 at my highest weight. I got home and tried them on (I still hate trying things on at the store, because even though you're in that private changing room, there's something about it that makes me feel embarassed if jeans are too tight - silly, I know.) only to find that they were almost too big! They fit though, and I was happy with that. It took wearing them approximately twice before washing them, for me to be able to slide them off without unbuttoning them. Wooooo! I don't even care if it's just the denim they're made out of, they're too big! A size 14 too big for me? That is a win.
A couple of weeks ago I went to my sister's house to help her clean out her closets and separate clothes. Given that she's 7 months pregnant now, she made a pile of "post pregnancy" clothes that she let me pick through and borrow until baby boy #2 comes. One of these items included a pair of 7 For All Mankind jeans - SIZE 10. I have one pair of 7 jeans that are capris, and stretchy - the first pair I've ever owned bc I could never fit into their sizes before. So these are definitely my new favs, even though I rarely wear them because they cut off my circulation.
These are the little things that help me get by when people ask me annoying questions like, "oh, how much more do you want to lose?" That question makes me want to lose it on them. You wouldn't ask someone who had plastic surgery how much more they intend to get done. Or would you? I wouldn't. So I don't like to be asked how much more I'm going to improve my body. So, don't be that person. I don't think any of you have, or if you did, it didn't offend me.. which is why I feel free to say this! Soapbox over.
I'm still really happy with my band, but I'll be honest, there are days that I just want to EAT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. There. I said it. It wouldn't surprise me if I've supressed dreams about going to a buffet and eating until I can eat no more, and that not being a kid's plate worth of food. I don't recall any, but I'm sure they have happened. A lot of people who aren't familiar with the Lap Band have asked me when I will get it taken out, etc. and I have explained to them it just doesn't work like that. I'd balloon back up if I didn't have it! And again, don't get me wrong, I love it, I do! But this blog is all about me being real. And that's the real deal, y'all.
Shoutouts:
Erin Michelle, I miss your face. Like, woah.
Kelly, same goes for you, and you live here now, so pencil me in STAT.
I'm all tapped out for today, I'm gonna try reallllly hard to weigh before next week, and have a real WIW update! Promise.
NMW,
<3
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Losing!
According to my scale this morning: 165. My Doctor's goal. Bam.
I'm not done losing yet, but sometimes pictures speak louder than words.
NMW,
<3
October 2009 VS August 2011
NMW,
<3
October 2009 VS August 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
No regrets.
I feel the need to blog about something that happened, because, I have freedom of speech and this is something that needs to be said.
Bullying, in any way, shape or form, is uncalled for. I'm a 26 year old grown woman and it has happened to me. It can happen to anyone. Let me start by saying, I'm not going to call anyone out personally, because I'm above that. No names will be spoken, and you can assume what you want.
Being a malicious person is beyond my realm of thought. I'm not sure I'm capable of being a truly "mean girl." But for probably the first time in my life I've been victimized. Why? Because my sense of humor and a harmless comment on a friend's facebook was perceived as flirting. So be it. But deal with it on your own. Not by commenting after me saying "I hate it when fat girls flirt with you." Really? I feel like I could just end this here.
But, being the bigger (ha.) person that I am, I simply deleted my comment and dealt with the difficult person in a private manor. A simple, "I'm sorry," would have sufficed, rather than resulting in me having to block this person to end the nonsense messages and assist in protecting whatever shred of dignity she had left.
What really struck me was that in the midst of it, she made herself completely vulnerable and admitted that she was bitter towards me (and God knows who else). That's understandable, and if I were a threat or constant nuisance, I could understand even more. It wasn't understandable at all, and that's why it came as such a shock. What made it worse was that she mentioned that my lap band didn't make me any better (hence I wanted to blog about the incident even more!) so she clearly, without knowing me, knew where my Achilles tendon lay. Well played.
My mind went from shocked to pissed to disgusted to humored within about a 5 minute span. I didn't expect to laugh instead of cry. But it was at that point, I realized something. The lap band has made me "better." Not necessarily in any kind of physical or societal sense, but in a human being sense. It's made me realize so many things. Granted I was a Sociology major, so I constantly think about the way that we interact as a human race. I have become so much more aware of how people treated me before, versus how they treat me now when I'm losing weight and am on the smaller side of larger, closer to 'normal.'
I basically realized that other people's opionions are manifestations of their own insecurities. Duh, I knew that already. But I never realized that they would use those to lash out at me. This girl is not fat by any means, she's a pretty girl by any dude's standard. I have no idea where her insecurities lie, but there's therapy for that. I've been in relationships where I felt insecure, but I've gotten to the point now that I realize that whoever I am with is going to like me more than anyone else and that's the kind of person I'm going to like more than anyone else. Bottom line. It won't be a competition and I'll never feel the need to belittle someone just to make myself feel superior. And for the record, he apologized to me for her actions.
I feel like everyone has a voice and not everyone uses theirs for the betterment of others. If this had happened 2 years ago when I was at my highest weight, I would've chalked it up, cried, and forced it out of my memory. But that never got me anywhere but heavier, in every way. The day this happened, Monday, when I got home from work, I wanted to cry and get it over with because I knew it was coming. The best part was, it never happened. All of this hardwork I've put into making myself a better person? It finally came to fruition and let me deal with it like the 26 year old strong, independent woman that I am. Instead of taking up the offer to "meet at Mossy's to talk face to face," (bar fight? Ha.) I did my laundry and got ready for work the next day. Boom.
You know what else is awesome? Having an army. Nothing, even deleted comments, gets past my best friends. And without my even mentioning it to them, they took it upon themselves to stand up for me. I never thought I'd need them to do such a thing, but I was literally shaking from (too much coffee) the overwhelming sense of love that I felt when they went to bat for me. It was such a small thing that was done, but it's positive impact was much more than I expected. The hateful nature of the comment made me realize that although I'm still not completely bulletproof, I have come a longgg way.
Anywayyy, I've been very busy lately, which is always a good thing. Lots of showers, weddings, bachelorette parties, birthdays and imminent babies on their way! These are definitely the days of "everyone's getting married and having babies" and I just love it. And obviously we're just saving the best for last ;)
I really just have nothing witty or insightful to say today, because that soapbox took a lot out of me. Sooo, here are some fun pins for you:
yep.
"I found a man, but I'll always need my girls."
<3,
NMW
Bullying, in any way, shape or form, is uncalled for. I'm a 26 year old grown woman and it has happened to me. It can happen to anyone. Let me start by saying, I'm not going to call anyone out personally, because I'm above that. No names will be spoken, and you can assume what you want.
Being a malicious person is beyond my realm of thought. I'm not sure I'm capable of being a truly "mean girl." But for probably the first time in my life I've been victimized. Why? Because my sense of humor and a harmless comment on a friend's facebook was perceived as flirting. So be it. But deal with it on your own. Not by commenting after me saying "I hate it when fat girls flirt with you." Really? I feel like I could just end this here.
But, being the bigger (ha.) person that I am, I simply deleted my comment and dealt with the difficult person in a private manor. A simple, "I'm sorry," would have sufficed, rather than resulting in me having to block this person to end the nonsense messages and assist in protecting whatever shred of dignity she had left.
What really struck me was that in the midst of it, she made herself completely vulnerable and admitted that she was bitter towards me (and God knows who else). That's understandable, and if I were a threat or constant nuisance, I could understand even more. It wasn't understandable at all, and that's why it came as such a shock. What made it worse was that she mentioned that my lap band didn't make me any better (hence I wanted to blog about the incident even more!) so she clearly, without knowing me, knew where my Achilles tendon lay. Well played.
My mind went from shocked to pissed to disgusted to humored within about a 5 minute span. I didn't expect to laugh instead of cry. But it was at that point, I realized something. The lap band has made me "better." Not necessarily in any kind of physical or societal sense, but in a human being sense. It's made me realize so many things. Granted I was a Sociology major, so I constantly think about the way that we interact as a human race. I have become so much more aware of how people treated me before, versus how they treat me now when I'm losing weight and am on the smaller side of larger, closer to 'normal.'
I basically realized that other people's opionions are manifestations of their own insecurities. Duh, I knew that already. But I never realized that they would use those to lash out at me. This girl is not fat by any means, she's a pretty girl by any dude's standard. I have no idea where her insecurities lie, but there's therapy for that. I've been in relationships where I felt insecure, but I've gotten to the point now that I realize that whoever I am with is going to like me more than anyone else and that's the kind of person I'm going to like more than anyone else. Bottom line. It won't be a competition and I'll never feel the need to belittle someone just to make myself feel superior. And for the record, he apologized to me for her actions.
I feel like everyone has a voice and not everyone uses theirs for the betterment of others. If this had happened 2 years ago when I was at my highest weight, I would've chalked it up, cried, and forced it out of my memory. But that never got me anywhere but heavier, in every way. The day this happened, Monday, when I got home from work, I wanted to cry and get it over with because I knew it was coming. The best part was, it never happened. All of this hardwork I've put into making myself a better person? It finally came to fruition and let me deal with it like the 26 year old strong, independent woman that I am. Instead of taking up the offer to "meet at Mossy's to talk face to face," (bar fight? Ha.) I did my laundry and got ready for work the next day. Boom.
You know what else is awesome? Having an army. Nothing, even deleted comments, gets past my best friends. And without my even mentioning it to them, they took it upon themselves to stand up for me. I never thought I'd need them to do such a thing, but I was literally shaking from (too much coffee) the overwhelming sense of love that I felt when they went to bat for me. It was such a small thing that was done, but it's positive impact was much more than I expected. The hateful nature of the comment made me realize that although I'm still not completely bulletproof, I have come a longgg way.
Anywayyy, I've been very busy lately, which is always a good thing. Lots of showers, weddings, bachelorette parties, birthdays and imminent babies on their way! These are definitely the days of "everyone's getting married and having babies" and I just love it. And obviously we're just saving the best for last ;)
I really just have nothing witty or insightful to say today, because that soapbox took a lot out of me. Sooo, here are some fun pins for you:
yep.
"I found a man, but I'll always need my girls."
<3,
NMW
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