The physical transformation I've made over the past two years has brought me to an amazing place, and for that I am extremely grateful. The fact that my Lap Band story has, thus far, been successful makes me feel like a weight loss inspiration to people, and that's something that no one could have ever convinced me of when I was 245 pounds. Not even myself. I'm still a work in progress, but the keyword there is progress.
I've made such huge strides in my life this past year and I just can't begin to explain how grateful I am for each of the opportunities I've had, friendships I've made, relationships I've recovered, lessons I've learned and accomplishments I've completed. To say that I am in a good place is an understatement.
Admittedly, some days my job felt like a chore, that's mostly because of waking up early, and being the polar opposite of a morning person. But what keeps me waking up early and trudging through 40 hour week after week, is the client who genuinely thanks me and appreciates what I do. The single father of three whose lights have been cut off. The elderly person who returned the favor of my assistance by praying for me. The one who offered words of strenth when she could tell I was stressed. The ones who laughed with me and let me remind them that even the seemingly worst situations always, always get better. These people keep me grateful for all of my many blessings, and they keep me sane when I'm at my wits end.
The thing that's kept me going this year is the knowledge and wisdom that things always get better. I'm old enough to know that there are crappy times, and there are wonderful times, and to appreciate the latter to remember it will come again. There have been so many mixed blessings, and blessings in disguise this year that I can't imagine playing out any better. Things that I never want to think about again, and things that I cherish that I'll never forget.
One of the biggest mixed blessings was definitely the early arrival of my sweet nephew! The hardest part for the whole family was definitely the separation anxiety of having to leave him everyday at the hospital. Just as an aunt, it was hard, but I have never felt my heart hurt as much for my sister as it has the past month. But you wouldn't know it if you saw her. I have never been more proud to call Jennifer and Jay my family, which also goes for both of our families. Days upon days spent in a hospital takes a toll on everyone, but truly makes you appreciate the life that you have and get to cherish and enjoy, and feel empathy for those less fortunate.
This time of the year always makes me kind of sappy (obvi) but it also makes me giddy to think of how far I've come as an adult and as a woman. I guess, since I'm now approaching 27, I have to face the music and realize that's what I am. I have my parents and sister to thank for molding me into the sensitive, overly caring, bend over backwards, overly emotional at times, strong person that I am. I have faced the demon of depression head-on, and conquered it. I've lived through the deaths of loved ones. I've burned a few bridges, but I've also successfully overcome hurdles that I thought would never recede.
If you had told me two, three years ago that I would be where I am today, I'm not sure I would've believed you. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't see outside of the box of the Becky I had become. I had grown to hate my body and secretly felt bitter towards those who had 'perfect' ones. These days I don't see anyone as perfect. I see them as human, inside and out. I had become so wrapped up in my own body image that I was picking other people apart, and becoming jealous when they weren't doing anything to provoke it.
I knew deep down I deserved someone who was kind and genuniely good hearted. I just didn't think they'd be crazy enough to put up with my antics. The relationship I'm in now, in just a short period of time, has taught me that I have always deserved better, and I had been selling myself short. I didn't know that anyone could be so conscientious and care about me as much as my family and best friends do! But I must say, he does a fantastic job of calming my nerves and making me laugh when I just want to cry.
The Becky I had become would be totally jealous of the Becky I have become.
I'm living the life I've always deserved, surrounded by people who care about me and are not out to hurt me - if you know what I mean. I'm doing a job that I've grown to genuinely love, and I have taken on full responsibility for making it my goal to help each and every person who truly needs assistance, if not from our programs, then from someone in the community. I've laughed and cried and cried from laughing more than I think I ever have, and I've finally started to stop and smell the roses.
2011 has been a big year, and I really hope 2012 brings it's A Game.
NMW,
<3 Aunt Bay loves these boys!
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