Thursday, December 29, 2011

A Year In Review....

With the end of the year approaching quickly, I can't help but think of how many things have changed this year. In such amazing ways.

The physical transformation I've made over the past two years has brought me to an amazing place, and for that I am extremely grateful. The fact that my Lap Band story has, thus far, been successful makes me feel like a weight loss inspiration to people, and that's something that no one could have ever convinced me of when I was 245 pounds. Not even myself. I'm still a work in progress, but the keyword there is progress.

I've made such huge strides in my life this past year and I just can't begin to explain how grateful I am for each of the opportunities I've had, friendships I've made, relationships I've recovered, lessons I've learned and accomplishments I've completed. To say that I am in a good place is an understatement.

Admittedly, some days my job felt like a chore, that's mostly because of waking up early, and being the polar opposite of a morning person. But what keeps me waking up early and trudging through 40 hour week after week, is the client who genuinely thanks me and appreciates what I do. The single father of three whose lights have been cut off. The elderly person who returned the favor of my assistance by praying for me. The one who offered words of strenth when she could tell I was stressed. The ones who laughed with me and let me remind them that even the seemingly worst situations always, always get better. These people keep me grateful for all of my many blessings, and they keep me sane when I'm at my wits end.

The thing that's kept me going this year is the knowledge and wisdom that things always get better. I'm old enough to know that there are crappy times, and there are wonderful times, and to appreciate the latter to remember it will come again. There have been so many mixed blessings, and blessings in disguise this year that I can't imagine playing out any better. Things that I never want to think about again, and things that I cherish that I'll never forget.

One of the biggest mixed blessings was definitely the early arrival of my sweet nephew! The hardest part for the whole family was definitely the separation anxiety of having to leave him everyday at the hospital. Just as an aunt, it was hard, but I have never felt my heart hurt as much for my sister as it has the past month. But you wouldn't know it if you saw her. I have never been more proud to call Jennifer and Jay my family, which also goes for both of our families. Days upon days spent in a hospital takes a toll on everyone, but truly makes you appreciate the life that you have and get to cherish and enjoy, and feel empathy for those less fortunate.

This time of the year always makes me kind of sappy (obvi) but it also makes me giddy to think of how far I've come as an adult and as a woman. I guess, since I'm now approaching 27, I have to face the music and realize that's what I am. I have my parents and sister to thank for molding me into the sensitive, overly caring, bend over backwards, overly emotional at times, strong person that I am. I have faced the demon of depression head-on, and conquered it. I've lived through the deaths of loved ones. I've burned a few bridges, but I've also successfully overcome hurdles that I thought would never recede.

If you had told me two, three years ago that I would be where I am today, I'm not sure I would've believed you. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't see outside of the box of the Becky I had become. I had grown to hate my body and secretly felt bitter towards those who had 'perfect' ones. These days I don't see anyone as perfect. I see them as human, inside and out. I had become so wrapped up in my own body image that I was picking other people apart, and becoming jealous when they weren't doing anything to provoke it.

I knew deep down I deserved someone who was kind and genuniely good hearted. I just didn't think they'd be crazy enough to put up with my antics. The relationship I'm in now, in just a short period of time, has taught me that I have always deserved better, and I had been selling myself short. I didn't know that anyone could be so conscientious and care about me as much as my family and best friends do! But I must say, he does a fantastic job of calming my nerves and making me laugh when I just want to cry.

The Becky I had become would be totally jealous of the Becky I have become.

I'm living the life I've always deserved, surrounded by people who care about me and are not out to hurt me - if you know what I mean. I'm doing a job that I've grown to genuinely love, and I have taken on full responsibility for making it my goal to help each and every person who truly needs assistance, if not from our programs, then from someone in the community. I've laughed and cried and cried from laughing more than I think I ever have, and I've finally started to stop and smell the roses.

2011 has been a big year, and I really hope 2012 brings it's A Game.

NMW,

<3 Aunt Bay loves these boys!


Monday, December 5, 2011

William Trott Weaver in da house!

Most of my Tuesdays are pretty typical, and somewhat boring by my standards. Which is generally a good thing!

And then there are Tuesdays like that of November 29, 2011.

After getting to work at 7am, I unassumingly went about my routine of checking my mailbox, my e-mail, sippin my coffee, checkin my Facebook..... and then my day got flipped, turned upside down, and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there....

But really. I saw my brother in law, Jay's Facebook status that simply said, "It's time." When your sister is 8 months pregnant, that can only mean one thing. My mind went berzerk. I couldn't get to my phone fast enough. When I finally did, I found that I had 3 missed calls and a voicemail from my sister. When I looked at Jay's status again, he had commented, "JK. JK." At this point, I knew there was no "JK" about it! He'd been told, 'You can't post on FB yet, then Becky will think it's ok to post!' (yes, Mom told me. ;)

I, of course, called my sister immediately to get the big news that her water had broken and they were on the way to the hospital! All of this before I had even put makeup on. You would've thought there were ants in my pants at this point. I could not sit still. I certainly didn't want to face the fact that I had a 10 hour day ahead of me, and the daunting task of leading a training session that afternoon! I am not a public speaker, but I'll have you know, the addreneline of knowing that I'd meet my sweet nephew soon was more than enough to get me through the day!

I left as soon as I possibly could, and headed straight to my sister's bedside. She and Jay were calm, cool and collected, just like I knew they would be. I, on the other hand, am a spaz when it comes to things such as this. I was beebopping around like a little kid, checking and sending texts, trying to figure out how to put people in mass text groups (HUGE apologies to those that I accidentally left out in my stuper) and helping Mom with her "Contractions App" on her new phone!

Jennifer was being such a trooper. She was breathing like a champ through the pain and went way longer than I could ever imagine without anything for pain. As her sister, it's hard for me to see my sister in any kind of pain, whatsoever. I'm sure Jay feels the same way. When we were little and she would get in trouble (rare.) and she cried, I cried. When my Granna died, I cried, but she went upstairs to deal with her pain because she knew she would upset me more. She's an amazing sister. Needless to say, seeing her in pain was hard, but seeing her smile between contractions was more than comforting.

If you read my post about Graham's birth, you would also be proud of the way I handled myself this go round. Once again, it was not in the "birth plan" for me (specifically) to be in the room upon Will's arrival. However, history repeats itself. And when you have a sister who progresses very quickly after a certain point in the labor process.. the chips will fall where they may. When push came to shove, I found myself standing/hiding behind my favorite brother in law. And I may or may not have a new appreciation for him. I could see my sister's head if I looked to the right, and luckily I know where babies come from, so that would just take a glance to the left.

When the Doctor came in, the baby was crowning. Jay's "It's time" status was very foreshadowing. One push later....

William 'Will' Trott Weaver entered the world. At 5:43am on November 30, 2011. Weighing 6lbs 6oz and 18 in long. 100% precious, just like his brother.

When Graham was born, as soon as they got him to the table, I gave him my pinky finger to wrap his little hand around. He's been wrapped around it ever since. I did the same with Will, just to let him know that I was there, and that for the rest of his life, should he need me, I will always be by his side, an arm's length away. These are two of the sweetest moments I've ever experienced and that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

It was so incredibly considerate of Will to come at the time of morning he did, as his Aunt Becky had to be at work at 7am.. and work yet another 10 hour day. This day was full of excitement and doting and showing off his picture. I was on Auntie Cloud 9 all over again. Such a great feeling.

That feeling was soon jeopardized when I learned that they were taking Will to the NICU, but soothed when it was "just to keep an eye on him since he's a little early." That was fine with me. We wanted him to be in tip top shape before coming home! And of course, in my euphoria, nothing could be wrong with him, so it was simply a precaution. He'd be there for a little bit, and by the time I got off work, I'd get to hold him for the first time!

Fast forward (which is literally what it has felt like) two weeks today. It has taken me this long to finish writing this post! I have started and stopped and edited and saved more times than I can count, but I'm determined to finish today.

In the first couple of days of Will's stay in NICU, which kind of seem like a blur now, he was observed and monitored while laying with just a diaper on a bed that had kind of a heater at the top. He was put on a C-PAP to help with his breathing and they said he would have to stay til at lesat the following Wednesday. I think that was kind of the "ok this is for real" breaking point for us as a family and of course Jennifer & Jay as his parents.

At this point, Jen was about to be discharged, and able to go home and be with Graham, which I think has helped more than anything. Her maternal instinct was going crazy and she just needed to be with and be able to hold her boys as much as possible. Being able to be home with Graham at least soothed this in part. She has handled the juggling of two boys in two domiciles incredibly well. I have always looked up to my sister, but seeing her and Jay work through this has been awe inspiring. She's able to be with Will during the day and tuck Graham into bed at night. They've got juggling down pat.

I got off subject, but.... After those first couple of days we learned that Will had a tiny hole in his lung resulting in a sac of air between his lung and the protective casing aka pneumonia. He has also had premature apnea, resulting in "episodes" of him seemingly holding his breath and causing his stats to drop. This is something the doctors said he would grow out of, which he (knock on wood) seems to have done! It's been kind of a roller coaster, but luckily Will's entire family is a very patient crew and of course we're not going to be ready for him to come home til he is! I know Graham can't wait to meet his little brother :)

Speaking of sweet little G-Unit! He's been awesome through all of this himself. As far as Graham is concerned, if you have a baw (ball), a book or feet to march with him with, he's content. It also helps if you are Mommy, Daddy, Grammy, Nana, Grandpa, Teve or one of his awesome aunts (that'd be me or Cameron, who flew in from St. Croix for a couple of days to meet Will!!!). But he takes to pretty much anyone - strangers in the waiting room? Not strangers anymore. Babys in pictures on the wall? High five to your face. He might be on of the youngest big brothers on the block, but he's quite mighty and full of life and giggles, and I just love him to bits! When he first saw Will's pictures he would blow kisses or kiss the phone screen. My attempt at showing him Will's picture resulted on my phone on the ground. Let's hope Will gets the first greeting when he comes home!

As of this morning (12/14) Will is a whole 2 WEEKS old. Omg. Where does the time go? Mind you, I said this the day I got to work and told someone he was already two hours old. He's doing very well, better everyday! Today is definitely the best so far. Jennifer sent us a message this morning that he was 'let off the cords' for a bit and she was able to take him to see the, oh so familiar, Christmas tree in the NICU, and to look out the windows and see the real world! So exciting. This morning felt like the first day he was born, all over again, I was running around (thru tears) telling the coworkers who have been intently following his progress, and we were hugging and high-fiving!

It's amazing to me, the love and support that has been pouring out for baby Will. Besides the fact that people who don't even know my family have been praying for him, the ones that do have just gone above and beyond! NICU nurses are amazing. I just can't give them enough praise! The fact that we've known several people who work at the hospital - namely in the NICU (!!!) has been such a blessing. Not that we ever wanted to see them there and under those circumstances, but it's always so nice to see a comforting, familiar face.

During those first couple of days when I really just had no clue what was going on, I cried at the drop of a dime. I realize in retrospec that I may have been overreacting, but I don't wish it on my worst enemy to see someone they love in any type of intensive care. Crying was the only thing I knew to do, and seeing a nurse I've known since I was a child just brought that out, but made me feel so much better. And I honestly don't think I've cried anything but happy tears since then. I could be wrong. I cry a lot. It's cathartic.

All of that said, we're hoping and praying and crossing our fingers and wishing on stars that Will is giong to be able to come on home this Saturday. We've had a couple of setbacks, so we really won't b elieve it til we see it, but the way he's breathing so well and keeping his stats up on his own right now, he's almost there.

Jay took an infant CPR class last week (gosh, he seriously gets mad brownie points from me, even if he gives me a hard time - all the time.) Jennifer, Carol, myself and my parents will be taking it this week. Not because we think we'll ever have to use it, but because we never want to be unprepared! And as many babies as we're around on a frequent basis, I think it's a good idea regardless! It's been years since I was CPR certified, so I just hope I can pass. If not, I'm never going to babysit Will. Ever. No pressure, CPR instructor, but I really must get this down pat.

I know I'm just going to be a big ball of tears with Graham and Will meet for the first time, but I simply cannot wait for that moment. That's going to be a picture worth a million words. And it's been such a long time coming! I know it's going to be very hectic and exciting and anxiety inducing, and every emotion under the sun when Will comes home, but I just look forward to him being at home where he's supposed to be. He just had to make sure he got a lot of extra care and attention, because that's just what we second born children do. He was just like, hey, yall better pay attention, because I'm comin in with a storm and I'm going to be your best. Christmas present. Ever.

Mad props to all of my best friends, the boyfriend, Jennifer's amazing friends, and our extended family for being awesome through all of this! I know some of my friends may be tired of hearing about it, but, if you know me at all, you know my world revolves around these babies, and you like me anyway.

Thus concludes my William Trott Weaver post.

NMW,
<3










Brand new!
Heating bed & C-PAP!
Making a C-PAP look precious.
Glow worm with oxygen hood - upgrade!
Daddy feeding :) Upgraded to only a nasal canula - which has since been removed. Woo!