Seriously.. I can't believe it's been almost two years since I last made an entry. For shame! I make absolutely no promises that I will be able to keep this up weekly like I used to, but I will say that I promise to try harder!
I'm not even going to go back to my last post to see what I said or where I left off.. what's the point? It's been so long. So much has happened, so much has changed, and well, so much is better, worse, or just the same!
I've been in denial for a while (that rhymes) about my weight gain over the past few months. Ughhhh. Alas, my body was like, hey girl... go see your doctor, stat. If you don't, I'm going to make your chest burn in a way you've never felt before until you do. And so, I had an appointment this morning and saw Elizabeth at Dr. Fernandez's office this morning.
I told her my symptoms and apologized a million times for not having been back to see them. She made me feel so much better about it, and told me that they're here for me, they won't make me come, but that I did the right thing in realizing that there's something going on, and coming in. So that made me feel a lot better. No reprimanding, no judging, just straight up help!
I've had some heartburn the past few months and just managed it with tums and milk and whatnot. I knew better, but I just wasn't ready to deal with it. My mind and body were not in sync. I'm working on that. The heartburn led her to believe that my band may be too tight. She checked my saline and there was still the same amount in there as before, so she took out .5 cc's to try to help reduce and get rid of the heartburn. I told her that I've felt like I could eat more than I used to, and that was worrisome to me. It was odd to her that I could eat more but had symptoms of a tight band, but less restriction.
They are sending me for an Esophagram, and will be calling within 3 days to schedule it. Basically I'll have to drink the nasty Barium Swallow and have x-rays done, same thing I had before and just after the surgery. Not too bad, I'm glad it's not an endoscopy like I originally thought when she said that. Yuck!
She said they wanted to check to make sure the band hasn't slipped.. which would be bad - requiring surgery and whatnot. But knowing my body, I feel like I've maybe been overeating and stretched out my little stomach. :( A coworker of mine had that problem and they let out her saline completely for 3 months, and everything returned to normal. That would be a good scenario, and I'm optimistic that that's what's going on with me. I like minimally invasive scenarios! So.. I'll just wait and see what they say..
She also asked about any new stress in my life, and without going into detail.. there has definitely been that! Hopefully things will calm down in the coming months, but right now things are crazy, and that's ok. Everything that comes will be dealt with, I just have to figure out ways not to internalize it and to get it out - hello, exercise!! I've GOT to get back to exercising like I was. I loved it, but sometimes it's so much easier to go home and take care of stuff there than it is to go to the gym and take care of myself there! Excuses, excuses. I know. Believe me, I've beaten myself up a lot!!
In the past two years I've gone from having lost 80 pounds to about 60. That just makes me want to cry, but that'll only get rid of like... an ounce. So what's the point? I've got to get back on track, and I'm glad that I have the support of my doctors and nutritionists to help me do just that! And I also have to hold myself accountable - not let myself keep making excuses.. and not slack on telling all of y'all about it. I got bored.. I got complacent.. just like with exercising, I quit blogging because I fell off the slippery slope of forgetting.. and then just not doing it.. and making excuses. Full disclosure, y'all!
Life-wise, things are great! Kevin (Linsey & Latham) and I have been together for two years now, and they've been an amazing adventure to say the least! I've done so many things that I never thought I'd do, and experienced so many firsts with Kevin, and some with the kids! From riding motorcycles, to flying cross country to Lake Tahoe. The three of them have brought me a sense of joy and fulfillment that I never knew I was missing. I knew something was missing, I just couldn't pinpoint it. We've already been through a lot in just two years, but every day we are together is better than the last. Kevin has taught me to take things one day at a time, and it's really helped me to quit living in the past. It's over and gone, and today is a new day. And patience, I've learned a lot about patience ;)
For a long time I thought I'd never meet my soul mate. I also never thought my soul mate would come with twins every other weekend, but life is full of wonderful surprises! I don't consider myself a step-mom at this point, but something that's weighed heavy on my heart since L&L came into my life is the stereotype of evil step-moms. I'm glad to be able to banish that in my own situation, but still, I'm sure there will always be haters. The only thing I know for sure is that I love them and their Dad with all of my heart, and I will do everything I can to set a good example for them, and being healthy is a big part of that. It's easy to say, "you need to eat healthy and exercise so you can grow big and strong!" but actions always speak louder than words. We do set examples by eating vegetables with every meal, but we could always do more! Easier said than done, but I'm really going to work on it!
My nephews continue to be a huge light in my life, and I love watching them grow! I am so lucky to have so many sweet, caring, loving children in my life. They make me laugh so much, and the ease with which they share their love is something I wish everybody did! Kids are so unassuming and sweet.. they just want everyone to get along and for everything to be hunky dory.. me too kids.. me too!
Off my tangent.... I'm ready to find out exactly what's going on with my Lap Band and I will definitely update when I have new information. I hope that I can find that motivation again and get back to where I was and keep going! Rather than getting to my goal.. then saying, Ok! I'm done! Haha. That wasn't the promise I made to myself, and I'm going to get back to the promise that I did! To be the best Becky I can be. After all, I'm living for more than just me these days!
I still love myself, even if I kick myself sometimes!
No matter what. <3 font="">3>