No regrets.

I feel the need to blog about something that happened, because, I have freedom of speech and this is something that needs to be said.

Bullying, in any way, shape or form, is uncalled for. I'm a 26 year old grown woman and it has happened to me. It can happen to anyone. Let me start by saying, I'm not going to call anyone out personally, because I'm above that. No names will be spoken, and you can assume what you want.

Being a malicious person is beyond my realm of thought. I'm not sure I'm capable of being a truly "mean girl." But for probably the first time in my life I've been victimized. Why? Because my sense of humor and a harmless comment on a friend's facebook was perceived as flirting. So be it. But deal with it on your own. Not by commenting after me saying "I hate it when fat girls flirt with you." Really? I feel like I could just end this here.

But, being the bigger (ha.) person that I am, I simply deleted my comment and dealt with the difficult person in a private manor. A simple, "I'm sorry," would have sufficed, rather than resulting in me having to block this person to end the nonsense messages and assist in protecting whatever shred of dignity she had left.

What really struck me was that in the midst of it, she made herself completely vulnerable and admitted that she was bitter towards me (and God knows who else). That's understandable, and if I were a threat or constant nuisance, I could understand even more. It wasn't understandable at all, and that's why it came as such a shock. What made it worse was that she mentioned that my lap band didn't make me any better (hence I wanted to blog about the incident even more!) so she clearly, without knowing me, knew where my Achilles tendon lay. Well played.

My mind went from shocked to pissed to disgusted to humored within about a 5 minute span. I didn't expect to laugh instead of cry. But it was at that point, I realized something. The lap band has made me "better." Not necessarily in any kind of physical or societal sense, but in a human being sense. It's made me realize so many things. Granted I was a Sociology major, so I constantly think about the way that we interact as a human race. I have become so much more aware of how people treated me before, versus how they treat me now when I'm losing weight and am on the smaller side of larger, closer to 'normal.'

I basically realized that other people's opionions are manifestations of their own insecurities. Duh, I knew that already. But I never realized that they would use those to lash out at me. This girl is not fat by any means, she's a pretty girl by any dude's standard. I have no idea where her insecurities lie, but there's therapy for that. I've been in relationships where I felt insecure, but I've gotten to the point now that I realize that whoever I am with is going to like me more than anyone else and that's the kind of person I'm going to like more than anyone else. Bottom line. It won't be a competition and I'll never feel the need to belittle someone just to make myself feel superior. And for the record, he apologized to me for her actions.

I feel like everyone has a voice and not everyone uses theirs for the betterment of others. If this had happened 2 years ago when I was at my highest weight, I would've chalked it up, cried, and forced it out of my memory. But that never got me anywhere but heavier, in every way. The day this happened, Monday, when I got home from work, I wanted to cry and get it over with because I knew it was coming. The best part was, it never happened. All of this hardwork I've put into making myself a better person? It finally came to fruition and let me deal with it like the 26 year old strong, independent woman that I am. Instead of taking up the offer to "meet at Mossy's to talk face to face," (bar fight? Ha.) I did my laundry and got ready for work the next day. Boom.

You know what else is awesome? Having an army. Nothing, even deleted comments, gets past my best friends. And without my even mentioning it to them, they took it upon themselves to stand up for me. I never thought I'd need them to do such a thing, but I was literally shaking from (too much coffee) the overwhelming sense of love that I felt when they went to bat for me. It was such a small thing that was done, but it's positive impact was much more than I expected. The hateful nature of the comment made me realize that although I'm still not completely bulletproof, I have come a longgg way.

Anywayyy, I've been very busy lately, which is always a good thing. Lots of showers, weddings, bachelorette parties, birthdays and imminent babies on their way! These are definitely the days of "everyone's getting married and having babies" and I just love it. And obviously we're just saving the best for last ;)

I really just have nothing witty or insightful to say today, because that soapbox took a lot out of me. Sooo, here are some fun pins for you:



yep.



"I found a man, but I'll always need my girls."



<3,

NMW

Tied Together With a Smile

Taking Care of Becky - that's the name of the game these days, friends.

I've been "independent" for 3 & 1/2 years now. Yep. But I use the term loosely, as my parents have been there for support every step of the way. For example: how would I know that my car was leaking fluid if not for my Dad? I wouldn't. How would I know that the 100 calorie Milano cookies I thought were a figment of my imagination were on sale at Harris Teeter without my Mom? Wouldn't. You know what else I wouldn't know? How to pay bills. How to convince myself that when I don't feel good at work, to set small goals - "if I can just make it through lunch... well, I've made it through lunch, might as well stay til 5:30." I wouldn't drive a car that's paid for til the wheels fall off. I wouldn't be a world traveler. I'd stay in my comfort zone forever. And I'd have 8938141 dogs.

Something tells me that if I hadn't been raised so well, I'd be spineless. I'd never stand my ground. I'd put up with people treating me poorly, even those closest to me. I wouldn't tell them that the words that they say or things that they do, hurt my feelings. And I wouldn't have the guts to call them out on it when this happens. I'd be living a life that I couldn't possibly be proud of.

I am proud of myself in so many ways. I'm proud that I gained control of my weight, but I'm more proud that I gained control of my life. I finally started putting myself, my needs, my wants and my goals first. I'm doing things that will help me in the long run and I'm living the kind of life that I can be proud of, and more importantly, one that makes my parents proud.

That said, I also cried to my parents a couple of weeks ago, because I felt like a terrible person. I've grown a lot just in the past year, and I've definitely raised my standards when it comes to guys. I've kissed my fair share of toads and at some point, recently, I guess it just clicked that "I have to sit on my pedestal and let the prince find me." It didn't feel right to just straight up ignore the advances from parties I was not interested in, but at the same time, I've been led on and I would never treat someone in such a way.

"Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen." Is one of the most inspiring quotes I've ever read. And of course I found it on Pinterest, which is my new obsession. Not that I'll ever do half of the crafts or cook the things I find on there, but it's always fun to window shop and get ideas for gifts and "maybe someday" things. My favorite pins, though, are always the inspriational quotes. They are mostly cliche and things I've read a 100 times, but sometimes it's like the sun hits it a different way and it's just what you need to see at that moment.

Ever since I read that quote, and have started living in such a way, wonderful things have actually started happening. I've started living my life so that I'm prepared for wonderful things, not just trudging along and leaving a mess in my wake. I've started cleaning up my act in other aspects of my life completely unrelated to my weightloss. I think I got so caught up in that aspect that I forgot that the rest of my life was still going on.

Right now I'm going through the exciting but exhausting process of a refinance, with rates as low as they are right now, so that I can have lower payments and hopefully just "go it alone" and not have to find a new roommate. Although it's so dang lonely, I really need to enjoy this 'me' time and just be grateful! I've been turning over a new leaf lately, that's for dang sure. I feel like I'm kind of molding into the grown up version of me, and out of the awkward post-grad phase. It feels great to have things in order, even if my apartment is only immaculate because the appraiser is coming today. Whatever. I'm going to try my darndest to keep it up this time. It's like anything else... you make the giant leap into it, and then you just maintain. I got this.

There are some physical appearance changes in the works as well, nothing drastic like plastic surgery or anything (that's way down the road, like, post kids ;) but just little things that make me feel awesome. And who doesn't want to feel awesome? Between ridiculously good Groupon deals and an amazing hairstylist, I may or may not be pampering and spoiling myself just a little bit. Don't judge me. It's all about putting myself first and being the best Becky I can be. I'd totally put a ring on it if that wasn't weird.

I don't know what's come over me lately but I have been in the business of GETTIN ISH DONE. Like, lazy Becky got a pink slip or something. Maybe it's the awesome weather? Maybe this isn't real life and I'm just dreaming it? Most likely this is just another layer of the new Becky emerging and it's welcome to stick around for the long haul.

My mind keeps taking me back to 3 years ago... there's some significance there, but I'm not sure why. I guess that's when I started this job and started really feeling like I was preparing myself for the future, although I still felt like a fish out of water trying to fake it til I could make it. There are so many things I would have changed, but so many things I wouldn't trade for the world. I wish I could tell my 23 year old self what to beware of, and not to be so trust worthy, and to get that damn car door fixed by someone else!

I know I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for all of the trials and tribulations I've faced, and sometimes when I feel like "something's gotta give," I realize, I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and when I'm taking care of #1, everything around me starts falling into place.

Oh, and I'm still wogging! Sometimes even BY MYSELF. That, loves, is what I call progress.

NMW,

<3

Wogging & Blogging

I am SUCH a slacker. But, whatevs, it's my blog and I'll blog if/when I want to!

There really just hasn't been much to say lately - I seem to always think or say that right before opening the flood gates...

First and foremost, the most exciting news (to me anyway) that I have is that I'm going to have another precious NEPHEW!!! It's a boy! I couldn't be more excited. I imagine this one will be the complete opposite of Graham, and by that I mean - wide open! If he's just like G I will be beyonddd excited, but it will be so interesting to see what his sibling is like. My sister and I are so alike and so different in so many ways - not to mention we look the exact same but with opposite hair/eye colors! :) All I know for sure is that he will be absolutely precious just like his big brother and I will love him to pieces!

I think one of the reasons I haven't blogged in quite some time is because I kind of fell of the wagon, if you will, for a while. I have the attention span of a gnat when it comes to certain things, exercising being one of them. When I get hooked on something else, like reading, which is of course not a bad thing, I tend to forget all about working out. This summer I've been hooked on reading. I've read everything from blogs to The Help to romantic comedies to satirical self help books. I love getting lost in them even for just an hour or so sitting on the porch or laying on the couch and just forgetting about everything else - but you see, what happens when I do that..... I get lazy!!! However, in one of my books, after a traumatic experience (thankfully this wasn't my case, although I could write a book about them), the overweight heroin found herself lost. She was lost because she began walking, and couldn't seem to stop. She walked everywhere, all the time, until she literally wore her shoes out. She took it to the extreme, but she inspired me.

Hence, as I was laying on the couch reading yet another book, and waiting on the next cycle of laundry, I remembered: I want to start WOGGING again! So instead of just thinking it, I did it. I whipped out my "sassy" (as Mom calls them!) walking capris and unburried my sports bra from the heap of laundry, laced up my tennis shoes, and left - taking the trash with me - another thing I tend to put off. I walked to Tanglewood and then started my brisk jogging. I set small goals for myself because obvi, I'm still in the beginning stages. But something just clicked and told me I needed to start again. Something's been missing for the past few weeks, and that's what it was. I am the queen of making excuses, "It's wayy too hot. No one's free to go with me. I'll melt. I'll get Becky-napped. I'm so comfy right now. I'll go tomorrow, I swear. It's way too hot (or cold, or muggy, or mild, or rainy, or dry.)" I ran out of excuses, made like a Nike commericial, and just did it.

I'm jealous of people who LOVE to run. Who love to exercise for that matter. I was not a born athlete. I am soo not competitive. I don't understand the term "runner's high" but I intend to one of these days. Baby steps... baby wogs... one day at a time! My legs are currently throbbing when I walk, but it's a "good pain.. this too shall pass." In my opinion, I'd much prefer the pain and soreness from running, jogging, wogging, etc to emotional pain, so if there's anything I can do to find a release for the things I keep jumbled up inside, then I intend to use that to my advantage. That may be a little deep for all intents and purposes of this post, but that's just kind of how my head works! I like the thought of "running away" from things that I keep inside, and just don't feel like talking about. It's therapeutic, and a heck of a lot cheaper than a co-pay ;)

I really hope I can keep this up, for no one other than myself. I deserve to be in the best physical and mental shape of my life - who doesn't? Sure I've lost a lot of weight, but there's always room for improvement! Therefore, I'm just going to start kicking my own "ask" - just like this little girl who bears a striking resemblance to yours truly at her age... from the haircut to the big brown eyes to the gapped teeth - she sure is cute! Haha. It's old, but some of you may not have seen it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFN1-uqt2WA

Maybe I should pretend there's a monster coming out of the movie chasing me? There's a plan. If that doesn't work I could find someone with a ferocious dog (with a leash) to run after me - I work best under pressure.

That's about all I've been up to, folks, reading books, blogs, and trying to kick my own ask into gear again.

<3,
NMW