Tied Together With a Smile

Taking Care of Becky - that's the name of the game these days, friends.

I've been "independent" for 3 & 1/2 years now. Yep. But I use the term loosely, as my parents have been there for support every step of the way. For example: how would I know that my car was leaking fluid if not for my Dad? I wouldn't. How would I know that the 100 calorie Milano cookies I thought were a figment of my imagination were on sale at Harris Teeter without my Mom? Wouldn't. You know what else I wouldn't know? How to pay bills. How to convince myself that when I don't feel good at work, to set small goals - "if I can just make it through lunch... well, I've made it through lunch, might as well stay til 5:30." I wouldn't drive a car that's paid for til the wheels fall off. I wouldn't be a world traveler. I'd stay in my comfort zone forever. And I'd have 8938141 dogs.

Something tells me that if I hadn't been raised so well, I'd be spineless. I'd never stand my ground. I'd put up with people treating me poorly, even those closest to me. I wouldn't tell them that the words that they say or things that they do, hurt my feelings. And I wouldn't have the guts to call them out on it when this happens. I'd be living a life that I couldn't possibly be proud of.

I am proud of myself in so many ways. I'm proud that I gained control of my weight, but I'm more proud that I gained control of my life. I finally started putting myself, my needs, my wants and my goals first. I'm doing things that will help me in the long run and I'm living the kind of life that I can be proud of, and more importantly, one that makes my parents proud.

That said, I also cried to my parents a couple of weeks ago, because I felt like a terrible person. I've grown a lot just in the past year, and I've definitely raised my standards when it comes to guys. I've kissed my fair share of toads and at some point, recently, I guess it just clicked that "I have to sit on my pedestal and let the prince find me." It didn't feel right to just straight up ignore the advances from parties I was not interested in, but at the same time, I've been led on and I would never treat someone in such a way.

"Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen." Is one of the most inspiring quotes I've ever read. And of course I found it on Pinterest, which is my new obsession. Not that I'll ever do half of the crafts or cook the things I find on there, but it's always fun to window shop and get ideas for gifts and "maybe someday" things. My favorite pins, though, are always the inspriational quotes. They are mostly cliche and things I've read a 100 times, but sometimes it's like the sun hits it a different way and it's just what you need to see at that moment.

Ever since I read that quote, and have started living in such a way, wonderful things have actually started happening. I've started living my life so that I'm prepared for wonderful things, not just trudging along and leaving a mess in my wake. I've started cleaning up my act in other aspects of my life completely unrelated to my weightloss. I think I got so caught up in that aspect that I forgot that the rest of my life was still going on.

Right now I'm going through the exciting but exhausting process of a refinance, with rates as low as they are right now, so that I can have lower payments and hopefully just "go it alone" and not have to find a new roommate. Although it's so dang lonely, I really need to enjoy this 'me' time and just be grateful! I've been turning over a new leaf lately, that's for dang sure. I feel like I'm kind of molding into the grown up version of me, and out of the awkward post-grad phase. It feels great to have things in order, even if my apartment is only immaculate because the appraiser is coming today. Whatever. I'm going to try my darndest to keep it up this time. It's like anything else... you make the giant leap into it, and then you just maintain. I got this.

There are some physical appearance changes in the works as well, nothing drastic like plastic surgery or anything (that's way down the road, like, post kids ;) but just little things that make me feel awesome. And who doesn't want to feel awesome? Between ridiculously good Groupon deals and an amazing hairstylist, I may or may not be pampering and spoiling myself just a little bit. Don't judge me. It's all about putting myself first and being the best Becky I can be. I'd totally put a ring on it if that wasn't weird.

I don't know what's come over me lately but I have been in the business of GETTIN ISH DONE. Like, lazy Becky got a pink slip or something. Maybe it's the awesome weather? Maybe this isn't real life and I'm just dreaming it? Most likely this is just another layer of the new Becky emerging and it's welcome to stick around for the long haul.

My mind keeps taking me back to 3 years ago... there's some significance there, but I'm not sure why. I guess that's when I started this job and started really feeling like I was preparing myself for the future, although I still felt like a fish out of water trying to fake it til I could make it. There are so many things I would have changed, but so many things I wouldn't trade for the world. I wish I could tell my 23 year old self what to beware of, and not to be so trust worthy, and to get that damn car door fixed by someone else!

I know I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for all of the trials and tribulations I've faced, and sometimes when I feel like "something's gotta give," I realize, I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and when I'm taking care of #1, everything around me starts falling into place.

Oh, and I'm still wogging! Sometimes even BY MYSELF. That, loves, is what I call progress.

NMW,

<3