Bullying, in any way, shape or form, is uncalled for. I'm a 26 year old grown woman and it has happened to me. It can happen to anyone. Let me start by saying, I'm not going to call anyone out personally, because I'm above that. No names will be spoken, and you can assume what you want.
Being a malicious person is beyond my realm of thought. I'm not sure I'm capable of being a truly "mean girl." But for probably the first time in my life I've been victimized. Why? Because my sense of humor and a harmless comment on a friend's facebook was perceived as flirting. So be it. But deal with it on your own. Not by commenting after me saying "I hate it when fat girls flirt with you." Really? I feel like I could just end this here.
But, being the bigger (ha.) person that I am, I simply deleted my comment and dealt with the difficult person in a private manor. A simple, "I'm sorry," would have sufficed, rather than resulting in me having to block this person to end the nonsense messages and assist in protecting whatever shred of dignity she had left.
What really struck me was that in the midst of it, she made herself completely vulnerable and admitted that she was bitter towards me (and God knows who else). That's understandable, and if I were a threat or constant nuisance, I could understand even more. It wasn't understandable at all, and that's why it came as such a shock. What made it worse was that she mentioned that my lap band didn't make me any better (hence I wanted to blog about the incident even more!) so she clearly, without knowing me, knew where my Achilles tendon lay. Well played.
My mind went from shocked to pissed to disgusted to humored within about a 5 minute span. I didn't expect to laugh instead of cry. But it was at that point, I realized something. The lap band has made me "better." Not necessarily in any kind of physical or societal sense, but in a human being sense. It's made me realize so many things. Granted I was a Sociology major, so I constantly think about the way that we interact as a human race. I have become so much more aware of how people treated me before, versus how they treat me now when I'm losing weight and am on the smaller side of larger, closer to 'normal.'
I basically realized that other people's opionions are manifestations of their own insecurities. Duh, I knew that already. But I never realized that they would use those to lash out at me. This girl is not fat by any means, she's a pretty girl by any dude's standard. I have no idea where her insecurities lie, but there's therapy for that. I've been in relationships where I felt insecure, but I've gotten to the point now that I realize that whoever I am with is going to like me more than anyone else and that's the kind of person I'm going to like more than anyone else. Bottom line. It won't be a competition and I'll never feel the need to belittle someone just to make myself feel superior. And for the record, he apologized to me for her actions.
I feel like everyone has a voice and not everyone uses theirs for the betterment of others. If this had happened 2 years ago when I was at my highest weight, I would've chalked it up, cried, and forced it out of my memory. But that never got me anywhere but heavier, in every way. The day this happened, Monday, when I got home from work, I wanted to cry and get it over with because I knew it was coming. The best part was, it never happened. All of this hardwork I've put into making myself a better person? It finally came to fruition and let me deal with it like the 26 year old strong, independent woman that I am. Instead of taking up the offer to "meet at Mossy's to talk face to face," (bar fight? Ha.) I did my laundry and got ready for work the next day. Boom.
You know what else is awesome? Having an army. Nothing, even deleted comments, gets past my best friends. And without my even mentioning it to them, they took it upon themselves to stand up for me. I never thought I'd need them to do such a thing, but I was literally shaking from (too much coffee) the overwhelming sense of love that I felt when they went to bat for me. It was such a small thing that was done, but it's positive impact was much more than I expected. The hateful nature of the comment made me realize that although I'm still not completely bulletproof, I have come a longgg way.
Anywayyy, I've been very busy lately, which is always a good thing. Lots of showers, weddings, bachelorette parties, birthdays and imminent babies on their way! These are definitely the days of "everyone's getting married and having babies" and I just love it. And obviously we're just saving the best for last ;)
I really just have nothing witty or insightful to say today, because that soapbox took a lot out of me. Sooo, here are some fun pins for you:
yep.
"I found a man, but I'll always need my girls."
<3,
NMW
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