Overall, things are great! I had a rough patch of my body being out of whack, and crept back up to the 170s which was devastating in and of itself. I really beat myself up about it, just like I promised myself I wouldn't. But I'm happy to report that I am back in the 160s :) 169 to be exact! I'm happy with that - I'm so close to my goal that it's like I'm almost teasing myself, or maybe my body is playing tricks on me!
The one thing I've noticed is that, aside from people telling me that I look great, etc. I actually, legitimately feel it these days. I feel like a different person, I guess I am a different person to an extent. I can't remember ever having consecutive days where I just felt pretty (aside from bad hair days.. ehhem.. today.) My confidence astounds me. Things that used to shattered my world roll of my back. I'm even more laid back than I used to be, if that's at all possible.
Granted, there are things that haunt me everyday, but these are the things that I accept and can live with. Everything I've done has gotten me to where I am today and I couldn't be more excited about the progress I've made and everything that is to come my way. My world, for once, revolves fully around me and what makes me happy, be it spending time with my family, hanging out with friends or doing absolutely nothing but sitting by the pool, on the porch or on the couch with a good book.
I've been at the pool a lot this summer already, I think the vitamin d rays are kicking in ;) A coworker this morning said I looked, "tan and rested." Not quite how I would describe myself but it's a nice way to come across! For the first time in a long time, I feel great about myself, inside and out. I thought it would take settling down, getting married, and starting my own family to be completely content - but it turns out I'm doing just fine being an aunt and being picky (rightly so) when it comes to finding the right guy. Dating is fun, so, why not make the most of it?
One year ago today I was anxiously awaiting one of the best moments of my life - the birth of my nephew, baby Graham! The faint feeling, the almost passing out, and the wanting to cry because my sister was in so much pain, are now a distant memory (okay.. kinda..) and are replaced by the wonderful memories of the past year. When I wrote the blog entry about baby G's arrival (http://beckskablog.blogspot.com/2010/06/my-dream.html) I still had no idea how incredibly blessed I was.
From day 1 to day 364 I've felt more love for him than I knew possible. I've graciously changed diapers, given baths, fed and changed clothes at every opportunity. We've giggled uncontrollably together, we've played together, we've cried together, and we've just sat around together - doing absolutely nothing, perfectly. He is the most docile, funny, serious, loving, sweet baby! I know I dote a lot, but whatever, he's my nephew, he's adorable when he's crying.
He has no idea how much he brightens my life. The fact that he lights up and smiles that big toothy grin when I walk in a room melts my heart. Him craning over the side of his car seat when I'm walking towards Jen's car to go somewhere, with that huge smile - again, makes my heart melt. When I've had a bad enough day, the only cure is to go to my sister's and play with that baby boy. Without even knowing it, he makes me laugh when all I want to do is cry.
Speaking of crying, reading my blog entry from last year today made me cry. Happy tears :) I was almost 30 pounds heavier, but still overwhelmed with joy. It's incredible how far I've come since then - in so many ways!
A year ago I would've never thought I could complete a 5K. But by golly, I did! The whole fan-damily and I did the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure. I even wogged (walk/jog) quite a bit. Did I mention I beat my personal record? That's because I didn't have one to begin with, but, whatevs. Toot toot! I am so incredibly proud of myself for accomplishing that goal, and I'm not nearly as scared of them as I used to be! Bring it, Dad!!!
I look forward to the next year, and every one after that - I have no doubt that I will have kicked my goal's butt by then, and who knows? Maybe I will have lost another 30 pounds... a girl's gotta dream big!
NMW,
<3
Just a couple days old <3
Big boy just a few days shy of 1!
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