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Statistics:

121 days ago I had Lap Band surgery.
121 days ago I weighed approximately 233 pounds.
121 days ago my BMI was 45.

Today I weigh 192 pounds.
Today I have a BMI of 35.
Today I am 66% of the way to the standard goal of a Lap Band patient - 165 pounds (for my body); although, my ultimate goal is still 140.

1 pound weightloss this week is a victory. I am shocked I didn't maintain or gain today seeing as though this particular day is one that I am very umm.. bloated? Next week is when I can about guarantee to see a big drop - atleast I hope so anyway! :)

I feel good today. I feel like I'm finally getting back on my feet again. I've been crazy emotional lately, and I've cried a lottt more than usual, but I feel like that's just the name of this game. That's a part of who I've always been and who I'll always be - tears are cleansing for the soul, and when words can't describe how you feel, sometimes tears just.. can. Whether they're happy, sad, mixed emotion tears, or what have you... they make me feel weak at first, but they always.. always make me feel better.

I've been admittedly living a bit on the wild side lately. Something about summertime just puts a spell on me where I feel somewhat invincible and I feel like that patio at Mossy's is just beggingggg me to come sit and drink a glass on Wednesday 1/2 price wine nights (no. more. rather, quiet girls nights and movies, thanks.).. it's kinda like the past 2 summers we spent at J Butler's on that patio. It's just something about "gettin loud all summer long." It's what I enjoy doing, and at this point, that's what I should do.. things that I enjoy.

And getting back mentally to who I was a year and a half ago.. when I had no one to explain myself to.. and no one to hold me back. I had gotten really down on myself, and really truly started to build myself back up again. I had just started this career and I knew my life was going somewhere. Now, I need to rebuild again. I need a fresh start. I made a fresh start when I underwent this procedure, and I need to continue to grow.

Traveling has always been a huge part of who I am and what makes me happy. While I don't have the means to go places as regularly as I want to, I do have the ability to save up money so that I CAN go on special trips every once in a while. I kicked myself in the ass for not planning accordingly to go to Nashville with Kylie last weekend, and I don't want to have to pass up an opportunity like that again. Ashley T, Magan and I have been discussing going on a cruise for Labor Day weekend, which I think will be long enough for me to save up, get excited, and bust my ass to get in shape, and ready for - monetarily and physically :) Sometime in Sept/Oct as well, I'm going to make a trip to Savannah to see one of my all time favorites, Brian Durham. I am super excited about that because, well, I just love that guy, and I just loveee Savannah. I may never come back!

I'm making an effort to spend more time with my girlfriends and my guy friends who have been there for me throughout the years, no matter what. They have truly shown me that they don't judge me for anything I say, do or feel or what I look like. They just genuinely enjoy my company. That's an amazing revalation. I love my company too, and I need to keep in mind that while I joke about how "awesome" I am, the more I say it, the more I start to believe it. :)

There are about 8238942 things going through my brain right now, and most of it has to do with change. Why do people change? Why do peoples opinions of us change? Why can't people accept change? Why am I so scared of change? How do I crave yet fear change at the same time? Why is it so easy to let go of some people and so hard to let go of others? Why is it so easy for some people to let me go? Why can't I see that they really do still care? I guess these are just life's lessons that I'll figure out in retrospect... right now they're digging at me and making it hard to move on... but I am!!!

Ah, my amazing mother just e-mailed me this which made me cry... I must share... I hope she doesn't mind!:

What I love is that you are evolving into a capable and bright young lady who is realizing that she deserves lots of happiness and is willing to work hard to get where she wants to be (ok well life will never be all roses, but you know what I mean, lol). You are inspiring people and that must feel great!!!


It does feel great and she makes me feel so so great! As does my brilliant, wonderful sister and her mother in law who has been soo incredibly supportive not only to her w/G but to me through this whole process! Sometimes I just want to tell Graham over and over how lucky he is to have such amazing women surrounding him, but I know he'll figure it out on his own! How could I not feel like an amazing woman who can conquer any goal, big or small, with such awesome role models??

<3,
NMW