When I stepped on the scaled this morning I was tickled pink to see 186!!! Oh em gee. That's 47 pounds less than I was at surgery merely 4 months ago! And a whopping 59 pounds since last summer! Wow! Only 26/46 pounds to go til I get to their/my goals!!! And that is what keeps me motivated!
It gets hard sometimes... remembering and keeping in check, the end result and what exactly that means to me. Who do I want to be when I get to my goal? What do I want to stand for? How do I want to be perceived? I've done a lot of soul searching just to keep myself the "same." But the same isn't always the best! I think personality-wise I want to be the same, because my sense of humor has gotten me through life itself.
Mentally and self-worth wise, however, I want to be different. I want to exude confidence, not arrogance/cockiness and so many people get the two confused. I feel like my confidence is bursting at the seems and every once in a while I feel great, amazing, undefeatable, but other times I remember I'm still human and I still get sad sometimes and that's okay! I don't know what part of me thought that the more I lost, the less I'd EVER feel blue, but those waves still come and go.
Last week, for example, I started getting into some kind of funk where something was just off and my whole mentality was affected. Maybe it's just changes in hormones, but the "normal" side of me was questioning how I could not be bouncing off the walls excited about my weight loss! Don't get me wrong, I was and AM super proud of me everyday, but I guess I just wanted it to be some magical cure for every little thing that sets off my "blah" spells. Oh well, that was then and today is a new, great day!
I finally feel like I'm out of that stage and like I've got myself back. I guess anxiety about change, etc. kinda caught me off guard. Who knows? What I do know is that I got my ass back to the Y Monday night after a few days of not going once again, and could truly tell a difference. Last night I didn't have anyone to go with so I went and walked with Mom & Dad instead, which was great! We had fun and even ran a little bit! Something my giggly bits would've never allowed 59 pounds ago! So I can only imagine how easy it will be in another 50 pounds! :)
Life keeps throwing me unexpected curve balls and I must say, the good outweighs the bad. Thank goodness! I've always been a "glass half full" kinda gal, so, I choose to let the good outweigh everything.
My grandmother, say or believe what you will about guardian angels and whether or not they exist, has really been looking out for me lately. I see it in so many ways and it's really kind of hard to explain. I see it in the butterflies that she seems to send me and I see it in the words of wisdom from my family & friends. I see the way she guides me towards certain situations and away from others. I've always loved hearing stories and little sayings of hers, as Granna died when I was very young.
What I do remember is her optimism and her bright, colorful wardrobe and personality to match! I feel like a part of her lives on within me and that makes me heart smile. I know that she would be so proud of me right now and I know that seeing my parents so happy with my results makes her glow with happiness, because it does me!
On a less sappy note, I'm really not sure how this weigh is coming off so easily. I hate to say it but really I think, against my doctor's/nutritionist's will, it's because I've been skipping lunch - eek! At most I'll grab a non-fat coffee at Starbucks on my lunch break, sometimes a low-fat treat, but I'm just not really that hungry, so why eat a big meal like I used to at lunch? Whatever works is my opinion!
I've been sure to eat a good, protein rich dinner after working out, so that helps as well. I'm just not trying to be anorexic just to get to my goal - haha! Never a fear, I <3 food!
This is just a lifetime journey that I keep trying to rush to - I know I'm racing to the finish line but I just want so badly to get there, I can't even stand it sometimes. Looking at how much of a difference there is so far, it makes me that much more strong-willed and determined to see the end result!
Always rushing to get to the next stage - that's me for ya!
I'm enjoying the ride and everything it's brought with it, of course, but I'm even more optimistic about the next few months as I get closer and closer to my goal, smaller and more toned!!
I still love myself, past, present and future, above all!
NMW <3
Time for pictures!!!
The first one is from the Britney Spears concert w/the girls last September and the second is from Erin's bday party in Charlotte July 30!
Sept 5 2009:
July 30 2010:
Oh, Becky, good for you!! And I also believe in guardian angels and feel the presence of my parents watching over me often!! You are a delight, and I'm so happy to be part of your extended family---and, of course, to share the cutest baby ever!!!!
ReplyDeleteCarol you are just the sweetest!!! Yes, I feel that she plays a huge role in everyday life, and she always believed in signs, so I watch for them daily :) With so many family events, I got used to see you so often, now I miss you!! Hope all is well!
ReplyDeleteI have an idea! You know Cameron is moving to London next week, and you know how much I'll miss her, so...could I partially adopt you?? Seriously, Steve and I would love to have you come for some dinners or meet us when we do something w/ Jay, Jen, and BG! I'm going to need a sweet girl your age to play with!!
ReplyDeleteMost definitely!! That sounds like a good plan to me! :) I'm going to miss Cameron too, I'm so excited for them, what a great opportunity!
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