"If you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got!"

Weigh In Wednesdayyyy...
was a moot point! I am happy to report that I have maintained 83 for a week, however, as I expected, I did not drop another 3 pounds. That was really crazy and I think it was actually borderline unhealthy! I know I'm going to lose weight more quickly than I ever could in the past, but dude.. I can't always expect irrational results! And that's something that I've accepted time and time again. However, this time, I'm proud of myself instead of using the "fake it til you make it" approach that I've mastered, I'm genuinely excited that I've kept off those 9 pounds in a month! Win.

I'm also becoming (sorry to disappoint, faithful weight watchers, no pun intended!) less concerned with the number on the scale! I'll continue to monitor and of course post my progress, but mentally I'm becoming more aware of the changes taking place phsyically. It's crazy. Every morning I wake up and, admittedly sucking in a bit, I check myself out in the mirror. Who needs a tape measure when you can see the little changes? The incessant, ever present back fat slowwwwwly going away and slowwwwly smoothing into my hips. The less prominent belly fat. The ridiculous thigh muscles that the leg press has provided (and that I make people poke while I flex, thanks for playing along guys). And not to mention, the reduction of chins.. Is enough for me to throw caution to the tape measure and base my confidence on my appearance to myself alone.

My confidence is something that has longg been lacking, but those days are numbered. I am genuinely confident in myself and my abilities as a person and I don't feel the need to beg for compliments anymore! They come freely, unprovoked, and mostly unexpected. I, admittedly, (and probably blog for this reason) have always loved attention, and when you receive it constantly, it's something to be missed when it's gone. I received attention, be it positive or negative, for a longg time from someone I had to constantly prod for compliments, approval and acceptance. Those. Days. Are. Gone. When I realized something had to change, so did said person. A break was taken from communication and my thoughts centered solely on me, myself and I. I started a great book, I spent a week night helping my sister with the baby, I worked out, and I spent an evening on La's porch with her and Steph catching up on life, love and lessons learned. I realized then, in those couple of hours, that old Becky was back.

This is something that took a couple of people "putting me in my place" and helping me to recognize the fact that I had changed. I had been long replaced by someone weaker than myself, succumbing to the powers that be. Being told that your friends haven't wanted to hang out with you because "you're always depressed about _____." is a hard pill to swallow. But, through tears, I did. It took a while for me to digest that horse pill, blame the Lap-Band, but finally, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I could imagine myself, being the person I am, the person I was, and the person I want to be. I could see myself happy and just as cheerful and carefree as ever. And I like that life. A lot better. Rather than trying to please everyone (k, just someone.) I realized that I have to take life as it comes, in my own perceived way, by the horns. I can't just keep expecting things to go my way and be handed to me.

"Be the change you want to see in other people." Is a quote that I have strived to live by. I haven't always done this, and I can't say that I always will. But I will always try to be a good role model. For myself, for my family, for my friends and for my nephew. I will show that anything is possible if you want it bad enough. If you try and fail, try again. If you keep failing, keep trying. I failed many a time at losing weight, but when I finally tried a new approach, I got a new outcome. I'm succeeding and I'm proving that things are possible when you make up your mind and commit, whole heartedly, to the outcome. For so long I quit trying, I gave up, and, much to my dismay and astonishment, I got the same results. As my Mother has always said, "if you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got."

When aforementioned person contacted me to wish me luck on my first day of work, even he was astonished by the change that had overcome me in just a week's time. No longer was I beaten down and frail. No longer am I beaten down and frail. I am reminded of this daily and I constantly praise myself in my head.. not outloud, because people might think me to be weird if I literally hi-fived myself. But, each passing day I grow.. as I shrink ;)

My new job, so far, is amazing. Everyone up here on the 3rd floor is soo nice and so genuinely welcoming! It's a nice change of pace not constantly watching my back/watching what I say to anyone other than trusted confidants! Not to mention the fact that I've already read all of the policy and have a great understanding of what is expected of me. I can't even begin to explain how tickled I was when Bobbi was training me yesterday and teaching me how to basically audit CIP (Crisis Intervention Program) applications taken/processed by the Salvation Army, and sign off on them. "Ok, this one is done! You sign here."... "Where it says Supervisor Signature?"... "Yep!" At this point I resisted the urge to blurt out by favorite catchphrase "SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!" I simply signed and dated, and moved on to the next stack of 50 or so apps. Talk about confidence boost. Whether I'm doing things correctly is to be determined...

Did I mention I have my own office? With a door that closes? And a desk made of wood (I think? It may be faux but it closely resembles wood.)? And a window? And a filing cabinet (which may or may not only contain my pink Snuggie at the present time)? And TWO hooks for art? And.. yeah.. that's exciting enough. I am astounded that anyone would bestow upon me such responsibility, such status and such possessions, but then I remember that I've worked hard to get here, I applied and I was chosen. There's a reason I'm here and I have to embrace every wonderful day as it comes. I am genuinely happy to be here and the change of pace is something I have craved for so long! I look forward to the "busy season" and mastering these programs, which Matt stated he feels are probably the easiest of any of our programs to learn. Whew! I got this!

Okay okay, enough rambling! I'm just so dang happy and proud of myself and my accomplishments, be they numerical, physical, or career related. I'm making something of myself and mentally hi-fiving myself regularly.

NMW!

<3