Before & Before pictures :)

I've been trying to take post-op pictures on the reg, but most of the time I forget. None the less, I've been comparing these two pictures and they make me feel soo good! :) One is just after sugery, we'll say March 29? and the other was Sunday April 25. Both before walking in Tanglewood, and before I put my shirt on! Ha!
P.S. My bedroom has been cleaned since Sunday ;)

1st Follow-Up/Fill update!

So I had my first post-op follow up appointments last Thursday, April 22, with Dr. Fuzz, Dr. Smith and Amber! They were all so great and so proud of me which gave my confidence a magnificent boost! I had been beating myself up for somewhat plateuing already.. and they informed me that with a weightloss of 18 lbs since I had last weighed, I'd lost more than they would expect from a gastric bypass patient (they typically lose faster) and 1/3 of what they expect me to lose overall. WOW! Talk about exciting news!

Of course I know that this won't be the case everytime, but it was not a bad way to start at all! However, this didn't calm my anxiety when it came time to fill the band! They discussed not filling it, since I had such good weight loss but I told them that I'm hungry a LOT so they decided to go ahead and put in 1.5 CC's. Just as everyone said, it wasn't bad at all! It stung a little when Elizabeth put the needle in, and again when she pulled it out, but really.. not that bad! And a little pain is totally worth the gain (okay, loss..)!

I got full clearance to start working out, so in addition to walking a couple of times a week I'm going to start working out with one of my best friends, Laura, and her husband, Jason who is going to be our "trainer!" I'm so excited about that! He'll kick my ass into gear and into shape! And we're going to start out on the farm so I won't have to pay for a gym membership quite yet - even better!

So now that I've shared my numbers (which took a longgg time) with Brian, who I was most scared to share them with, I'll tell everyone, as I said I eventually would!

Sooo...

Highest Weight (6/09, age 24.5):
245 lbs. eeeek!

Weight at first appt with Fuzz/Amber (12/09 or 1/10?):
233

Weight at surgery:
225

Weight at first post-op appt:
207

So technically I've lost 38lbs total. Holy crap! Amazinggg :)
Still can't tell in my hips/butt but by gosh my pants can sure tell! I need belts, or as Dad and Jay say, I need suspenders... bahah. Love them!

So, I'm making progress, and today is the first day in.... 6 weeks?.... that I'm not on a restricted diet! Yayyy! I'm on a true lap-bander diet now! How exciting!

However, when we fly up to NY (!!!!!!) on Friday I'll be on liquids for 2 days following, since my band will expand a little, making it tighter... same goes when we come back.. soo... a couple extra days! Oh well.. the trip will be so much fun, plus I'll probably lose a couple extra pounds if I'm on liquids right? Ha! I need my airplane fix anyway! <3

Life is good. I'm truly happyyyy and I still don't hate Old Becky. I think she's still cute as pie!

NMW. <3

I'm Walkin on Sunshine...

One of the sweetest things anyone has said to me recently was "my song for you is officially: you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray." ~ Erin Lederer. Now I know I rave about how awesome my friends and family are, but when they say things like, that, who wouldn't want to boast about their amazing-ness? I, for one, eat it up! :)

Things on the homefront are good! I'm 22 days out and 15 pounds down.. plus bloated this week (tmi) so I'm not fretting about the scale not moving (woo!) That's a total weight loss of 35 pounds, so I'm not complaining. I'm extremely proud of myself and how far I've come just thus far. I can't say it's been all roses and daisies and no bumps or curves. But I can say that every emotional breakdown, every outburst, every tear has been worth every pound I have and will lose. Even if I lose my mind in the process, I'll always have my heart.

Speaking of hearts.. Mine is full of happiness. My cousin, Mary Beth, my Goddaughter's Mother had her second baby on Monday April 12! Mason Everett Brandon. He is soo precious and I love him to pieces already! I've been over to the hospital twice to bring dinner, hang out with Mama MB and just snuggle him! Yesterday he gave me a bit of a fit as I changed his tiny little diaper but Mommy assured me he needed to cry some, and he definitely cleared those lungs! Kaylee is taking to him well and already very protective of her baby brother, as I knew she would be! :) I love that sweet girl, she'll always be my bff!

My sister is definitely my other bff, she's the only person I know who can completely solve all my problems in less than 10 minutes. ;) She's amazing and of course, oh so wise. I've always taken for granted the fact that she's a psychologist, but these days I'm realizing just how convenient that can be! Haha. We had such an amazing time in D.C. visiting friends and the sites and celebrating life! It was so good to see Rachel and Ashley who I haven't seen in forever! Such sweet girls and wonderful hostesses! Hanging out with my sister reminds me why I've always been in a hurry to grow up... because I see how well she's turned out and I can't wait to get there!

I'm finally on pureed foods now, so I've been incorporating them slowly, or just chewing things up til they feel pureed to me! Last night we had scrambled eggs and grits at Mom & Dad's. Yum! Everything went down fine, but I feel like I ate a lot more than I thought I could... not sure if that's a good thing or not? But I guess so! I guess I won't be as hungry once I get a fill next week! I'm so excited about that! My first post-op appointment with Dr. Fernandez! Yay :)

I find myself smiling a lot these days. Some days less than others, but always a lot. When I recently hit a rough patch - mainly just mentally breaking down from the stress of all these changes - I took it out on one of the people I care about the most. My friends were there for me, whether they knew or understood what the hell was going on or not.. and in the end, everything was just about me blowing minor things out of proportion. Ah yes, that insecurity I so frequently speak of, struck again! I'm learning how to cope with it by acting more like an adult and less infantile, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me. Baby steps are the key to my heart.

Change is not something I deal with very well. At all. But I realize that every single change that I've gone through in my life has led me to the amazing place that I am now. Every single change was a huge obstacle at the time, but a small mole hill in retrospect. 25 years of making mountains from mole hills is not a habit that is easily changed.. but I'm working on it as I work on myself not only on the outside, but the inside too. I have every knowledge that my mind and soul need to keep up with the changes my body is making, but I refuse to let my heart change.. I can't tell you how many people have asked if I think my personality, etc. will change, and I can tell you with every ounce of confidence that I have (not much, but when mustered up, a lot!) that my personality didn't change into what it is now in the course of a year, and it won't change for the worst in the course of the next year. :)

I'm walkin on sunshine and it does feel good!

NMW. <3

Patience is a virtue...

I feel like God has been testing me a lot lately.. like, a lot, a lot.
I'm not complaining, by any means, because my life is wonderful... but I just get so frustrated sometimes. I know I'm losing weight really quickly, and that's awesome... but I just wish I could fast forward to this time next year, and see the results of all my hard work. I know that sounds crazy and it's crazy to think that way, but that's just me for ya. I feel like even though everyone knows that this will be a long process, there are still high expectations of quick weightloss - maybe those expectations are coming mostly from myself, because no one in their right mind would blatantly say that... but it's hard to remember that it could years for me to get to my goal weight.

I wish I could just get a glimpse of life a year from now.. but where's the fun in that? There is none... I just hope that I'm in a good place, and with the friends and family that I have, I know I will be. I just hate that I still get so insecure. And I really need to realize that this needs to stop and SOON. I love love love myself but there are days such as today, when I still feel like I've got a longgg ways to go, and I know I do, but I just wonder if anyone will want to stick it out with me... or will I drive everone I care about away because I've become so self obsessed or scale obsessed?

I've never been one to get on the scale more than oh... a yearly doctor's visit?? But I find myself weighing daily and literally getting down on myself for not losing that 1/2 a pound or what have you. Which is EXACTLY what I said I WOULDN'T DO! It's a hard habit to break, but it has to be broken. And everyone and their brother can tell me to just stop, but that's not going to matter when I'm in my bathroom in the morning and there's no one around but me. If this keeps up, which I don't think it will, I'm going to become my own worst enemy.

All I can do is set realistic, minimum goals, and be extremely proud of myself when I reach them! I need to stop seeking approval from others. Maybe I'll just stop updating anyone until I've hit a certain mark, like, when I've hit another 10 pound mark, or so. That sounds like a good plan....

I'm really excited about going to Washington, DC this weekend with my sister. It will be nice just to get away, although there's a certain someone I'd spend every waking moment with if that were possible. I'm happy that things are progressing the way they are and I hope things don't change just because I get down on myself every once in a while. I need to stop beating myself up for no reason. I've come a long way and my gosh I'm only 2 weeks out. I'm not even on solid foods yet! Haha.

It's all quite comical when I think about it, but the days that are hard, are really truly hard. I'm so grateful to have people I know I can turn to when I start feeling like I don't want to do this anymore or I just want to eat like a normal person not a bird or what have you. It's hard to watch people eat yummy delicious things that got me to where I am now, but I just have to remind myself that that's the REASON I am where I am now, and in the years to come, I'll be glad I can't eat the crap I used to!!!

I must say I don't know how I'd be able to do this without my family. They're amazing. My parents go to extra lengths to make sure I don't feel left out during meals or on trips. My sister jumps at the opportunity to go for a walk! Even Jay, when gives me hell about my blue light and teases me like a real brother, it takes my mind off of everything else and keeps me on my toes. Haha.

So why, if all of these wonderful things are going on around me, am I crying while I write this? Hell, I don't know. Maybe because the emotional little Becky that's still inside is screaming for attention from herself because she's been so focused on attention from others for the past few months. Maybe because all of this change that's "going to happen" is actually happening and I don't know how to cope with it. Maybe beacause I'm a basketcase?? Maybe because I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude and I don't know how I got so lucky to have such amazing people in my life?? Your guess is as good as mine. But as for now, I'm going to hope they're tears of joy.

NMW. <3.

Quick update! Day 8 post-op!

So, quick update, because life is hectic and I'm leaving for the beach after work/packing/errands!

Life is amazing! Things are going so well in every aspect, and I know that it's not just because I had Lap Band surgery 8 days ago, but it sure as hell helps :)

So far I've lost about 12 pounds since surgery, which I realize sounds insane since I'm only 8 days out. But when you're on a clear/full liquid diet.. anything's possible! I haven't thrown up at all which is great, but in my weakest moment, I did chew up and spit out some chips that I'd been craving for a week, damn those Chinese restaurants and their amazing noodle chip things that come with soup!

I've started walking a LOT! It's awesome! I'm "allowed" to walk as tolerated (the most I've calculated was 2 miles last night with Brooke!) so I've just gone as far as I wanted! And it gets easier everytime, which I know is also in part because I'm losing weight at such a rapid rate... which will taper off soon I'm sure! But I bought some walking/eventually running shoes that I loveee and having Tanglewood across the street, plus this amaing weather lately, is just the perfect combination to use them! In the past week I've walked with Magan, Mom and Brooke, but so many people want to come walk with me and it makes me so excited!!! Next week I have walking dates with Crystal, Brooke, Holly, my sister, Ash W, April, Missy... all kinds of people! It makes me so happy that everyones so supportive but also inspired/encouraged to get outside with/by me!

I have to give mad props to my best friend, Brian. He's always been wonderful, but he's been truly amazing thus far. He makes everything worth the struggle and reminds me why it is I'm doing this... to be the best Becky I can be. Not just for me, but to make him and everyone else (more) proud of me as well. He's spent so much time with me and he's so good about always asking if I'm okay, and just making sure that I'm comfortable, even when he's not there with me. He's an angel, and I hope he reads this! <3

Tonight right after work I'm heading to the beach for our annual Easter vacation with the whole fan damily! Always love spending time with the McGehee side of the fam! Yay! Minus Melissa (Boooo!) And of course the girls are going to kick the boys' butts in Putt Putt! I'll also get to see Brian Durham as well as Mr. & Mrs. Caleb Davis + bun in the oven :) What a fun weekend ahead!

Next weekend is Washington, DC. And three weeks from that, NY! So, life if hectic!

NMW <3