WIW.. Fearfully & Wonderfully

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." ~ Psalm 139:13-16

The above passage has always been one of my very favorites. As many times as I've read it, today it made me cry. It's power and truth strike me to my core. I'm not sure when I realized that my body is a temple. I'm not sure I have realized it yet. Even now when I look at my body in mirror I have unrealistic views of what it should look like, will look like, or would've looked like had I never gained the weight I did. I wonder what it would be like to have been average sized my whole entire life. Easy? I doubt that. Easier? Most definitely.

I'll be the first to admit that I have a distorted body image. I always have. When I was 245 pounds I was in complete denial. I really thought I looked fine, and people would tell me that I carried my weight well, that they wouldn't have guessed I weighed that much. I didn't want to believe I did! It's hard to remember that I have come a long way from that girl. For goodness sakes I've lost 65 pounds since then. (Oh, by the way... I haven't lost this week. My appt is in 8 days.. but who's counting?) But as soon as I start to pat myself on the back, I think.. wait.. I'm still not to my goal yet... and this plateu crap is for the birds.. I've got to keep going so that I can be completely happy with my body when I look in the mirror. Which brings me to my next topic: support.

I have the utmost wonderful support group EVER. Each of you has helped me in ways you don't even realize. Whether it be sacrificing your favorite restaurant or meal so that we can eat somewhere or something "Becky friendly" or dragging my butt to the gym when I whine and say I just don't wanna. Sometimes you drop compliments without even realizing it or without even knowing that I'm having a down day. There are a million ways that you as my family and friends support me, and for that I am eternally grateful (like a broken record... but I don't know how else to put it.)!

That said, there came a point where I realized that I needed peer mediation. Thanks to one of my coworkers who is having LapBand sugery with Fuzz next week (!!!!!.. we'll get to that later!) I decided to go to the Weight Loss Surgery Support Group meeting.. I had never been as a post-op.. only as an inquisitive pre-op patient. The first 45 minutes consist of a small group of those of us who have the Band. I only know like two other people who have ever had the Band, so talking to them and comparing notes was so nice. Not to mention, seeing my favorite psychologist, Dr. Smith! I expressed my frustration with the plateu and he asked the group how many of them had ever had a 3 month plateu.. everyone raised their hands. It made me feel so much better. Like.. I'm not crazy and I'm not doing something wrong!

The second part was a general meeting with everyone who has had weight loss surgery and Dr. Fernandez (Fuzz) came by for a bit! Incase you weren't aware, I caught the nasty stomach bug that was going around. It hit me last Monday night and I was "throwing up" (I won't go into detail, but it's a whole new ballgame) or basically dry heaving from 8pm-5am. UGH. I was able to ask Fuzz about this, because I was scared to death my band was going to slip and the last thing I want is for them to have to go back in and fix it! Yuck! His advice was to take the phenegrine that I still have from after surgery or ask them to call in a prescription asap so as to avoid such a catastrophe! Good to know... I haven't felt any different since then, so I'm guessing there was no slippage! Whew.

Okay, so anyway, speaking of that meeting, my friend Gina from work went with me. She came to me a few months ago, maybe Sept or October-ish? and asked me about my surgery because she was interested in having it. I told her everything I did (just as my lovely mentor, Molly, did for me!) and what steps she should take in order to find out if this was her best option. She did everything and her surgery is scheduled for next Tuesday! I can't tell you how excited I am for her. And to know that my progress and hardwork are what made her decide to have the procedure is just indescribable. I've never in my life been seen as a role model for weight loss. Everrrr. It kind of.. almost.. starts to put things in perspective.

I mean, I know how much I've sacrificed and I know all of the good, bad and ugly things I've gone through in the past 10 months.. but for someone else to say, you make me want to have this surgery so that I can get my weight and my health under control almost makes me in awe of myself. Not in a cocky, look what I can do, way, but in an... I'm worthy of this way.

I can't believe it's been almost a year. It literally shocks me. I passed the 1 year expected weight loss mark a while back, so I can be happy about that, but I have an insatiable urge to make it to my personal goal. I'm not giving myself an unrealistic time line for that, but definitely within the next few months - 1 year max.

I keep trying to keep this less personal, but I'm such an open book that it's hard for me not to delve into my innermost feeilngs and throw it all out here! It makes me feel better most times... other times it just makes me feel completely vulnerable... catch 22!

My sister and I have been trying different classes at the Y! Having been a couch potatoe for most of my life it occurred to me the other day that I have tried 4 different classes in like 6 months! Hip hop, Zumba, Step Up and Body Pump! Hip hop & Zumba were funnn, Step Up was ridiculously hard and I may never step foot in that class again, and Body Pump is probably my very most favorite! We have a love/hate relationship. This class literally hits everythingggg. It's day 3 and I'm still sore, but going to work it out tonight.. just not in that class! I think I have a once a week Body Pump minimum until I can work up to twice! I'm going to be ripped if I keep this up! ;)

Works been great.... if you enjoy having 32 missed calls when you get back from a day off for jury duty.... I'm not sure what part of "first couple of weeks in February" says the 1st or 2nd day of the month, but these people want their checks! I can't blame them... I want their checks!

Now I'm just rambling.... today is Buster's birthday. The dog we got when I was hmm.. 7? 8? and had until I was 22. Granted, it's been almost 3.5 years since he died, but if you know me, you know how sentimental I am. That dog was literally a part of the family. Without even knowing it he could turn my day around with an exuberant jump.. or attempt at a jump in the later days.. Even when he drove me crazy, he still made me laugh! I la la la loved him, and I still do :)

NMW,

<3