WIW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....!!!!!!!!!!

329 days ago I had Lap Band surgery.
329 days ago I weighed approximately 233 pounds.
329 days ago my BMI was 45.

Today I weigh 177 pounds.
Today I have a BMI of 32.
Today I am 85% of the way to the standard goal of a Lap Band patient - 165 pounds (2-3 year goal, mind you!)

From my highest weight I have lost 68 pounds. Since surgery I have lost 56 pounds. My BMI has decreased by 13. I am over the moon excited about this!

When I went to see Fuzz on Thursday, my weight that morning was 181. At my last appointment in October it had been 183. I was really disappointed in only a 2 pound weight loss but they were very encouraging and reminded me of the progress I've made so far and that I'm wayy on track according to what they would hope to see from a patient in 11 months.. so that's good!

I explained to both Fuzz and Jeff that I felt like I've been more hungry than I should be lately, especially in the morning, and that I felt like I "could" eat more than I "should." They both said that I should get "tweaked" so Fuzz put another .5cc's in my band. He also pointed out to me that I haven't had any fluid added since July! Wow, no wonder I was getting hungry! I'm sure over that time period my band loosened up a bit, so although I was at my sweet spot for a while, my sweet spot eventually went back to the red zone! But I do think I'm at my new sweet spot now!

This morning I weighed 177! That may seem like only a 2 pound weightloss WIW-wise, but in reality it's 4 pounds in a week. WOW! I think I was kidding myself when I said "no change" because, somehow a couple of pounds crept up on there and I disregarded them as "bloat" or something.. who knows! It was just easier to keep the status quo mentality that I'd had for the past couple of months. None the less, this show is back on the road!

Since the fill I can definitely tell a difference, and the band is most definitely doing it's job. I was on a liquid diet for two days then soft foods for two days, now I'm back to "regular" foods. Saturday morning I made scrambled eggs.. thinking that would be soft.. right? Wrong. I ate like two bites and was DONE! Haha. I stuck to yogurt after that. So obviously, no wonder I lost 4 pounds so quickly.. but again.. this is the point of the Lap Band! Not to be able to eat the same amount I could before my surgery!

I understand where my frustrations were coming from, but I kinda hate that it took me so long to get back in there to see them. I think I let my pride get in the way, even though I knew I needed a tweak, I was kind of embarassed I guess? It's like getting a progress report when you know you had a bad test grade. But I sucked it up and went in there and got so much positive feedback from them. The nurse who weighed me could tell I was disappointed (maybe because my eyes swelled up with tears in .2 seconds.. bless it.) and quickly said, Well Becky, you LOST 2 pounds. You didn't GAIN 2 pounds, look at it that way! Between her, Jeff and Fuzz, I was on cloud 9 by the time I left the office. I felt a sense of confidence I had long been lacking!

A lot of things happened right before my plateau started, and some of them I'm still dealing with, or just overcoming. This feels like a turning point in my life. I definitely feel like good things are happening and are going to happen in the near future.. I hope my gut instinct is right, because I could sure use a shift of winds and a positive change in luck! I'll always have obstacles, but I'm learning how to deal with them on my own rather than just doll them up or muffle them and sweep them under the rug, hoping they'll just go away.

I found one of my journals that I kept when I was in college. Oh, my life! One thing I can say is that I haven't changed a bit in the past 8-ish years. It was pretty precious reading my heart-spilling diary and looking back on how things ended up or didn't.. and of course, always for the best. One thing that made me feel amazing was reading the things that one guy said about me. One that I was pretty sure I was in love with, but just couldn't bring myself to accept, mainly for fear of others' opinions. He had told me that I was one of the happiest people he had ever met and that when we were in a crowd I always had something positive thing to say, among other things that only my closest friends or my family would know about me and pick up on.

When I was 18 I didn't believe him. At 26 I do. I've done a lot and seen a lot and felt a million different things since then, but one thing I've held onto is my positivity. Yes, I may have made up that word, but it's the only way I can describe it. If I had a motto it would be "positivity is the key." I let that slip away the past few months, and although I kept thinking it was coming back, my life was paused for a few months. In a few different ways. It's been like a CD that's skipping.. you think it's going to work, but, oh.. nope, just kidding! Now, I think I've finally hit play and I'm ready to move on with things from this point forward! I'm on the right track.

This week I've regained confidence. I've found that spark within myself again. The independent one. The one put my own happiness first is NOT dependent on a man to make me feel that way. I realize that someday when I'm married, I'll be dependent on my husband to some extent, and vise versa, but I will never NEED him to make me truly happy. That is evident in the amount of friends I have who make me laugh til I cry on a regular basis. They make me happy, so it's not up to just one guy to do so! That's a balance that I've not been able to make for a while, but I feel so bad for myself for having felt that way! What a shame! That said, I feared the worst, but had a wonderful Valentines Day!

Work has been a bit easier as well. A lot of people have come and gotten their checks, and they love me when I tell them I have it! The others... well... I'll deal with them when I figure out how. But, my kindness-killing has worked, and I've only had to get snippy with one lady who just wouldn't let me speak! The nerve!

Life is, just that... life. I'm dealing with things as they come to fruition and making the most of crappy situations! I am beyondddd blessed to have such an amazing family. I know I've said it a million times, but they are the kind of family who will do anything for you. Any of them will stand on their head for an hour if it means they're helping me. They have gone to great lengths to support me through one of the most difficult battles I've ever, and will ever face, and they have done so in stride, without ever expecting anything in return, other than, of course, my gratitude ;) I don't know how I'll ever repay them, but I hope that my words have some weight to them. I know this is something we'll never fully recover from, but the fact that they haven't changed their opinions speaks volumes to their character. Speaking of which, mine has changed a lot just in the past 6 months.. definitely for the better.

I'm glad that I'm finally growing up, and although I've made mistake after mistake after mistake.. and there are bound to be more minor ones at some point in my future.. I know that I will always, always, come out on top, because that is how I was raised. Not that it justifies my mistakes, but to say that I learn from them isn't enough. I grow from them. I may never make the same mistake twice or I may make the same one 8947 times before I realize that it gets the same result, but either way, when I do learn, I grow. I'm glad I'm growing UP and not growing OUT anymore ;) Although I'll never make it past 5'2"...

I'm so excited that I am only 2 pounds away from the 70 pound overall weightloss mark! How crazy is that? I never lost more than 15 pounds on a diet... and that was when I was in high school.. so I obviously gained it all back.. and then some.. and then some more! I've learned that I've got to work to make the band work. I've got to change things in order to see change. I can't just expect it to happen, I've got to actually be conscious of everything!

I've definitley been working out more, and even though I got frustrated that it wasn't helping me see results, I've still gone to Body Pump, if only once a week, for the past couple of weeks! It's the textbook definition of a love/hate relationship. The sets workout literally EVERY muscle in your body, and by like the 3rd song, my legs are generally trembling. It's SUCH a good workout though and I feel so much better when it's done!.. although I'm sore for a couple of days. I know I don't make it sound that appealing, but if you ever want to go, come with me :)

All that said, I'm really, honestly proud of myself, happy with my progress, and confident in my future. I've got my head in the game again, game face on, and I'm ready to plow through these next (what seems like bajillion) 30-some pounds just like I did the first 67!

Thank you to you, for the difference you've made in my life!

NMW,

<3

Recent pictures:

This may seem silly, but I'm excited that I can definitely feel and you can almost see my collar bones! Ok, maybe you can't tell.. but I can!