So it's day 5 since I've been home and I'm doing awesome!! The pain is minimal and I've been trying to only take pain medicine as needed/at night before bed, so that I'll sleep comfortably. And to date, (since last summer) I've lost 28.5 pounds!! I'm going with that number because I worked hard for those first 20 pounds, dang it!!!
Thursday Kristin and I rode around a little bit just to get out of the house, went to get her dogs from Justin's Mom, tried to find her mom but she was MIA, and then just went back to the condo to relax, by this point I needed a nap! I slept for a bit then we hung out and waited on Ashley W to get here to hang out with us. They made rice krispie treats which was fineee by me b/c I was in no way shape or form hungry or jealous! Haha. I had a few sips of broth a couple of times that day, which was good, I thought! And tried to drink as much juice and water as I could.. I need to work on that. We even ventured out to Wal-Mart b/c I was feeling like doing some walking! - I get a spurt of energy after taking my pain meds... as soon as we got home, I crashed. Haha.
Friday morning Kristin left to go back to VA :( and I went back to sleep for a little bit.. wrote some thank you notes and watched Brothers.. Erin got into town and came right over! We talked for about an hour before my poor little self needed a nap.. I slept for about an hour, then took a shower and got ready to go to our facial appointments at Silk Road, downtown. What a great idea that was! So relaxing and soothing, I'd never had a facial before! We left there and came back here to wait on Steph to come hang out! Pocket Fulla Sunshine - complete! :) I loved hanging out with them and just talking about anything and everything. An old friend, April came by so it was fun to catch up and talk with her as well! We have a crazy history to say the least! Haha. The rest of the evening was calm, Mom & Dad stopped by to check on me and pick up a couple of things, and I spent the rest of the night relaxing on the couch til I went to bed!
Saturday was a totally different story! I was busy all day long, but I loved it! I woke up bright and early to get ready to help Brooke get ready for Addison's birthday party - last minute party preparation is just what we do, even for Brooke and Jon's wedding! First stop: Target. We always intend to spend as little time and money as possible, but somehow that never works out to our advantage.. oh well. We got some good stuff! And then to Lowe's to pick up the cake, balloons, etc. while Addie and Aunt Beck took a nap in the car! Back to Brooke & Jon's to get ready for the par-tay! Then off to Rich Park to enjoy Addison's 3rd birthday with lots of family and adorable little friends! Catching up with Crystal and playing with Barrett was so much fun! I love babies, and it makes me so much more excited for those on their way!
Speaking of which - Ella Rose will make her debut any day now! I'm so excited!!! And little mister Mason is trying to come a couple weeks early so his Mommy (MB) is on bedrest, bless her heart! I'm going to try to go visit today! Banks and Graham are hangin in there as far as I know! No news is good news :)
Saturday afternoon after the party I came home and Magan and I did a little spring cleaning, as the past couple of lazy days have worn off on both of us and things were getting a little out of hand! We couldn't let all of Ashle's hard work go to waste! So we de-cluttered and de-stunk the the apartment!
Last night Brian and I took Anna to see How to Train Your Dragon in 3-D. Soo cute! It was precious to see them together. And her Dad tells me she likes me, so I'm pretty happy about that. We played hide & seek for a good while and I sent her home with candy, roses and a balloon... no, I'm not a spoiler at all :) I'm just glad her Daddy seems to like me as much as she does! Haha. He's my best friend and everything I could ask for in someone to be by my side through this whole process, journey and transformation.
Today I plan on relaxinggg... taking it easy and doing some reading, and trying to decide whether the pain is at bay enough to quit taking my pain medicine so that I can go back to work tomorrow! If nothing else, I hope I can atleast go for a half day to get caught up on things.. I'm sure my clients have left me 283942 voicemails to greet me upon my return. Lovely!
So today I'm supposed to start on "full liquids" which includes yogurt, protein shakes, etc. as tolerated. We'll see how that goes.. I'll try to update more often so that my posts aren't so dang long!
NMW <3
Becky
March 23, 2010 my life changed in an amazing way. This is my Lap-Band (weight loss surgery) experience from start to present...
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Life from the other side! Home - Day 1
Soo I'm home and recovering nicely!!! The past few days have been a blur! I've been meaning and meaning to blog but time just got away from me so quickly!
So I had my pre-op nutrition class last Monday which was fine! Mom went with me and we got all the info from Amber we would need to know about what I can and cannot eat after surgery and what kind of timeline we were looking at, etc. She gave us some samples of chewable vitamins so that was neat. We learned a lot of interesting information.
Friday I had my pre-op appt with anesthesia where they told me I'd be under general anesthesia and that I'd have a breathing tube, etc. Which really freaked me out b/c all I could think was - Grey's Anatomy - shoving a tube down someones throat b/c they're seizing. Haha. But luckily I'm sure it looked nothing like that!
After that I met with Fuzz where he asked me to participate in a longitudinal 5 year study, which I was really excited about! I want to participate in as many studies as I can because I think this is such a great thing and I think it can help a lot more people than just me.
So cutting to the chase.. Monday they called and said that I needed to be at the hospital at 6am on Tuesday.. yikes!! So I stayed at Mom & Dad's and we woke up at the crack of dawn and Mom and I headed to the hospital! We got all checked in and they took me back really quickly!
They gave me a little bit of something to ease my anxiety, etc. and I was feeling good! Mom and I were being silly bc that's just how I deal with my stress! And eventually they took me back, and said it would be really busy in there and that it would be about 10 degrees, they weren't lying! They started putting monitors on me and I could hear people talking all around, but no sooner than I was in there, was I passed out! And when I finally came to I was in recovery! Not bad at all!
Apparently I was in there for about 2 hours and Dr. Fernandez used the single incision technique which is freakin awesomeee! He went through my belly button to do everything! The only other incision I have is one like 3-4cm right by my sternum where they had to hold my liver out of the way!
They took me to my room where Mom met us and Dad came later. I was loopy and doped up on morphine so I was feelin good! I remember asking someone if I snored while I was in surgery and she said no! Haha. That was a relief! I told my mom some funny things... which is awesome.... And we just hung out and I was returning texts and phone calls for the majority of the day. I got some GORGEOUS flowers and balloons!! And started walking around a couple hours after getting back to the room. I decided the point when I had to get up and use the bathroom anyway was a good time to go for a walk, but first had to change into a cuter gown!
The nureses were impressed with my walking and made sure to tell Fuzz's resident and Fuzz himself. They were totally bragging on me and I liked it :) I spent most of the day watching TV with mom and "entertaining" guests! Ashley, my bbmbff, came by after work, before heading to the apartment to clean, she's an amazing best friend! Lindsey came by when she got off work and straightened my hair for me because it was a hot mess! Another amazing best friend :) My beloved sister came by later and brought me some daisies and daphodils - my two favvvorite flowers! She knows me so well! She layed in bed with me and we played like we used to in our Granna's bed that moved the same way. It was nice to act like kids again, one last time before she has her own! Later on Brian came so Mom and Jen got to leave to go get something to eat without leaving me alone. Haha. B and I watched The Office and just chilled.. the perfect end to the perfect day!
I got to come home today after Fuzz and his resident came by, the pharmacist came by, and the nurses gave me apple juice, which I was able to keep down. Molly came by in the midst of all of that and had some great words of advice and encouragement! She's the best! Her progress gives me so much hope for myself!
Mom and I walked (ok, ok, I slowly hobbled) to the car, and let me tell ya... lots of flowers, baloons, and a really uncomfortable Becky was a sight to be seen! We made it though! And even made a couple stops on the way home! Once we arrived home, I put Mom on diva duty overtime and I'm pretty sure she was about to lose her mind. Her favorite part of the day had to be after I took some phenegrine and passed out for an hour & 1/2 nap.. It was the closest she's felt to having a baby in the house again, I'm sure. Haha. When I woke up, my first question of course was, Is Kristin here?? Mom said she and Lindsey were both here and hangin out by the pool waiting for me to wake up!
I was elated and quickly (ha!) got up and went and sat outside with them and even did a couple of walking laps around the pool. We sat and chatted and caught up and had a great time! It was great! Lindsey left and later, Holly came! With more pretty flowers - I'm so spoiled! Not to mention the beautiful ones that were there when we arrived home from Kelly & Clayton and from my Uncle Laurie & Aunt Patti!
We chatted with Holly for a good while and loved hanging out with her, I'm so glad she's moved back home so that we can hang out more often! Yay! Brian came over and got to meet them, so that was nice! We watched most of the Informant, but it was dumb so once everyone left we all went to bed... to gear up for a semi-busy/relaxing day with Kristin tomorrow! We'll see how I hold up...
So I had my pre-op nutrition class last Monday which was fine! Mom went with me and we got all the info from Amber we would need to know about what I can and cannot eat after surgery and what kind of timeline we were looking at, etc. She gave us some samples of chewable vitamins so that was neat. We learned a lot of interesting information.
Friday I had my pre-op appt with anesthesia where they told me I'd be under general anesthesia and that I'd have a breathing tube, etc. Which really freaked me out b/c all I could think was - Grey's Anatomy - shoving a tube down someones throat b/c they're seizing. Haha. But luckily I'm sure it looked nothing like that!
After that I met with Fuzz where he asked me to participate in a longitudinal 5 year study, which I was really excited about! I want to participate in as many studies as I can because I think this is such a great thing and I think it can help a lot more people than just me.
So cutting to the chase.. Monday they called and said that I needed to be at the hospital at 6am on Tuesday.. yikes!! So I stayed at Mom & Dad's and we woke up at the crack of dawn and Mom and I headed to the hospital! We got all checked in and they took me back really quickly!
They gave me a little bit of something to ease my anxiety, etc. and I was feeling good! Mom and I were being silly bc that's just how I deal with my stress! And eventually they took me back, and said it would be really busy in there and that it would be about 10 degrees, they weren't lying! They started putting monitors on me and I could hear people talking all around, but no sooner than I was in there, was I passed out! And when I finally came to I was in recovery! Not bad at all!
Apparently I was in there for about 2 hours and Dr. Fernandez used the single incision technique which is freakin awesomeee! He went through my belly button to do everything! The only other incision I have is one like 3-4cm right by my sternum where they had to hold my liver out of the way!
They took me to my room where Mom met us and Dad came later. I was loopy and doped up on morphine so I was feelin good! I remember asking someone if I snored while I was in surgery and she said no! Haha. That was a relief! I told my mom some funny things... which is awesome.... And we just hung out and I was returning texts and phone calls for the majority of the day. I got some GORGEOUS flowers and balloons!! And started walking around a couple hours after getting back to the room. I decided the point when I had to get up and use the bathroom anyway was a good time to go for a walk, but first had to change into a cuter gown!
The nureses were impressed with my walking and made sure to tell Fuzz's resident and Fuzz himself. They were totally bragging on me and I liked it :) I spent most of the day watching TV with mom and "entertaining" guests! Ashley, my bbmbff, came by after work, before heading to the apartment to clean, she's an amazing best friend! Lindsey came by when she got off work and straightened my hair for me because it was a hot mess! Another amazing best friend :) My beloved sister came by later and brought me some daisies and daphodils - my two favvvorite flowers! She knows me so well! She layed in bed with me and we played like we used to in our Granna's bed that moved the same way. It was nice to act like kids again, one last time before she has her own! Later on Brian came so Mom and Jen got to leave to go get something to eat without leaving me alone. Haha. B and I watched The Office and just chilled.. the perfect end to the perfect day!
I got to come home today after Fuzz and his resident came by, the pharmacist came by, and the nurses gave me apple juice, which I was able to keep down. Molly came by in the midst of all of that and had some great words of advice and encouragement! She's the best! Her progress gives me so much hope for myself!
Mom and I walked (ok, ok, I slowly hobbled) to the car, and let me tell ya... lots of flowers, baloons, and a really uncomfortable Becky was a sight to be seen! We made it though! And even made a couple stops on the way home! Once we arrived home, I put Mom on diva duty overtime and I'm pretty sure she was about to lose her mind. Her favorite part of the day had to be after I took some phenegrine and passed out for an hour & 1/2 nap.. It was the closest she's felt to having a baby in the house again, I'm sure. Haha. When I woke up, my first question of course was, Is Kristin here?? Mom said she and Lindsey were both here and hangin out by the pool waiting for me to wake up!
I was elated and quickly (ha!) got up and went and sat outside with them and even did a couple of walking laps around the pool. We sat and chatted and caught up and had a great time! It was great! Lindsey left and later, Holly came! With more pretty flowers - I'm so spoiled! Not to mention the beautiful ones that were there when we arrived home from Kelly & Clayton and from my Uncle Laurie & Aunt Patti!
We chatted with Holly for a good while and loved hanging out with her, I'm so glad she's moved back home so that we can hang out more often! Yay! Brian came over and got to meet them, so that was nice! We watched most of the Informant, but it was dumb so once everyone left we all went to bed... to gear up for a semi-busy/relaxing day with Kristin tomorrow! We'll see how I hold up...
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
One weeeeek :)
So surgery is only a WEEK away from today!!! Yayayay! Even this point, I thought would take forever to get here, but the past 2 weeks haven't been all that slow, as I've been busy trying to get ALL of my March work done before I'm gone for the rest of the week next week. So far, so good, I've just still got a lot more to do!
So I weighed myself this morning, and I've been really frustrated the last week or so because I haven't been losing any weight! I had lost 10 before I started the pre-op diet, but as Ash W says, I found 5 while I was having my "last fav meals".. I've now lost those again, and even let go of 3 more :) Plus it's uh... that time... so I'm still retaining water/a little bloated, so I'll see where I am like next Monday. I'm pretty sure I'll be as happy as I was this morning!
I'm also happy as a clam because my friends are ahhhh-mazing! Everyone has been soo supportive of me lately and even though everyone is scared out of their minds for me (it's cute!) they're more excited to see how this changes my life. Anddd they're all willing to come "take it easy" with me after surgery. Kristin is even coming down from Richmond Wed afternoon - Fri morning to hang and take care of me so Mom can go back to work! Poor Lala has to have her wisdom teeth out that Friday so she's out of commission!!! Atleast I won't be the only one on clear liquids :)
Mom and I went to the nutrition class yesterday, which I thought would scare the crap out of me... but it didn't! It just made me so much more excited! Amber's enthusiasm about it put me at ease and made me realize that there's absolutely nothing to be scared of, just mentally prepared for change!
B came over last night which helped a ton as well. He's going through so much change himself but it's nice to know that I have a best friend who supports me in such a journey and doesn't judge me whatsoever. His confidence in me makes me realize that I can do anything, and his longg hugs put my soul at ease. That and the fact that he makes me laugh on the reg!
I love having best friends that I can talk to about this because we all know I'm a talker... and if you give me an inch I'll take a mile. But my friends are so understanding. I've never ever ever talked about my weight. It's always been the elephant in the room (or maybe I have.. bahah) but now that I have, they're so open and willing to listen! Ashley B/J is the best at cheering me on. Everytime I lost a pound or 3 she's like the first person I tell, because I know she'll be so excited! It's great to have such a support team behind me.
And not drinking really hasn't been bad at all! Not at all like I thought it would be. And I'm going to try to keep this up for about a year, atleast until I get all my weight off, because I've heard numerous times that drinking stalls weight loss, and I haven't come this far to go back to what I was doing before, which is probably how I gained most of my recent weight to begin with.
I'm going to use this to my full advantage and try my damndest not to take it for granted. I have so much to literally lose :) and so much to gain in the process. My nerves are pretty calm, a lot more so than I thought they would be. Not to say that by this time next week I won't be a nervous wreck, but I will be okay!
All in all, I'm really really ready for this!!!!
No matter what, <3
So I weighed myself this morning, and I've been really frustrated the last week or so because I haven't been losing any weight! I had lost 10 before I started the pre-op diet, but as Ash W says, I found 5 while I was having my "last fav meals".. I've now lost those again, and even let go of 3 more :) Plus it's uh... that time... so I'm still retaining water/a little bloated, so I'll see where I am like next Monday. I'm pretty sure I'll be as happy as I was this morning!
I'm also happy as a clam because my friends are ahhhh-mazing! Everyone has been soo supportive of me lately and even though everyone is scared out of their minds for me (it's cute!) they're more excited to see how this changes my life. Anddd they're all willing to come "take it easy" with me after surgery. Kristin is even coming down from Richmond Wed afternoon - Fri morning to hang and take care of me so Mom can go back to work! Poor Lala has to have her wisdom teeth out that Friday so she's out of commission!!! Atleast I won't be the only one on clear liquids :)
Mom and I went to the nutrition class yesterday, which I thought would scare the crap out of me... but it didn't! It just made me so much more excited! Amber's enthusiasm about it put me at ease and made me realize that there's absolutely nothing to be scared of, just mentally prepared for change!
B came over last night which helped a ton as well. He's going through so much change himself but it's nice to know that I have a best friend who supports me in such a journey and doesn't judge me whatsoever. His confidence in me makes me realize that I can do anything, and his longg hugs put my soul at ease. That and the fact that he makes me laugh on the reg!
I love having best friends that I can talk to about this because we all know I'm a talker... and if you give me an inch I'll take a mile. But my friends are so understanding. I've never ever ever talked about my weight. It's always been the elephant in the room (or maybe I have.. bahah) but now that I have, they're so open and willing to listen! Ashley B/J is the best at cheering me on. Everytime I lost a pound or 3 she's like the first person I tell, because I know she'll be so excited! It's great to have such a support team behind me.
And not drinking really hasn't been bad at all! Not at all like I thought it would be. And I'm going to try to keep this up for about a year, atleast until I get all my weight off, because I've heard numerous times that drinking stalls weight loss, and I haven't come this far to go back to what I was doing before, which is probably how I gained most of my recent weight to begin with.
I'm going to use this to my full advantage and try my damndest not to take it for granted. I have so much to literally lose :) and so much to gain in the process. My nerves are pretty calm, a lot more so than I thought they would be. Not to say that by this time next week I won't be a nervous wreck, but I will be okay!
All in all, I'm really really ready for this!!!!
No matter what, <3
Friday, March 12, 2010
11 days til surgery!!!
So I thought I could try to blog everyday.. but that's crazy talk.
It's hard enough to try to do it once a week!
Last night I found an awesome vlog (video blog) on youtube/livejournal, by a girl named Ashley in Seattle who was my age (2 years ago) when she had Lap Band surgery. It's awesome to watch how she transformed, and she's got basically my same personality and sense of humor which cracks me up, because I think/feel the same things/way she does! I was kinda sad to realize that she stopped vlogging and blogging about a year ago, and it seems no one has heard from her since. I'm going to try to contact her when I have some free time! She's actually inspired me a lot in just an hour or two of reading/watching, which was awesome!
I'm pretty much halfway to my surgery date now!!! Today is day 10 and I have 11 to go! Nutrition class is Monday, which one of my best friends, Laura is going to go to with me since she's such a good Mommy and she's already an awesome cook, and will be taking care of me for the latter couple of days of the week after surgery, when my own Mom goes back to work! :) I'm so blessed/spoiled, whatever you wanna call it! Anddd I have no idea about puree-ing things, but I'm positive she does!
I'm sooo excited about all of the upcoming events!!! Ashley and I are purchasing our plane tickets for our April trip up to NY to see Andrea, and Magan will purchase her's next week (thank you tax refunds!)!!! One weekend in April my sister and I are driving up to Washington, DC to see her friends which will be awesomee... Andddd Bowman Gray racing starts up in April and Ash's husband Brody will be racing, which will be fun for us to go watch (anddd try to get on the History channel show Madhouse... whattt?)
Sooo lap band.. right.. umm I'm kinda getting to the point where I'm having all kinds of different emotions, like, mostly the anxiety kind... but more so the excited kind of anxiety... like, right before you go on a big trip you get all worked up and anxious and can't wait to get to the airport or get on the road.. I can't wait to get to the hospital!! I've never had surgery of any type before, except for my wisdom teeth but I'm prettyy sure that doesn't count. So, I have no idea what to expect, but I do know that I'll be in good hands! And I know that I've already had so many people praying for me, that they will continue to do so and forunately/unfortunately I've got way more Guardian Angels than I can count, so I know I'll be juuust fine!
I've been drinking a lot of coffee w/splenda today b/c I'm supposed to cut out all caffeine on Tuesday. Ahhhh what ever will I do?? I guess I'll just be so hyped up about surgery I'll make it through the workdays on pure addreneline! Or just get a lot done today, tomorrow and Monday so that I can breeze through next week! Yesss, that's a good plan!
Mom & Dad have gone to Mississippi and Jen & Jay are going to Huntersville tomorrow night so that leaves me with a house, a cat and a dog to sit! Which is fun for me because it's nice to have their whole house to myself, and Macy's so cuddly and fun to play with. Daisy's just... Daisy. She's senile, but somewhere deep down inside I love that cat. I'll never have one of my own, but she's okay, at their house.
I plan on kidnapping Kaylee tonight and since Alice in Wonderland would probably scare the crap out of her (and maybe her Aunt Beck) I'm not sure what we're going to do. But something fun and 3 year old friendly :) Tomorrow night is her Mommy's baby shower for little mister Mason! Can't wait til he gets here and I can't wait to see everyone!
I love it when people ask me questions about the surgery from my perspective (nothing technical, please, because I'll only refer you to LapBand.com!) But if you've made it this far reading, clearly you're pretty interested in the journey I'm taking, so if you have any questions about how I'm feeling, why the hell I'm doing this, or anything of the sort, PLEASE feel free to ask!!! And words of encouragement are also welcome because, let's face it, we all love positive attention ;)
It's hard enough to try to do it once a week!
Last night I found an awesome vlog (video blog) on youtube/livejournal, by a girl named Ashley in Seattle who was my age (2 years ago) when she had Lap Band surgery. It's awesome to watch how she transformed, and she's got basically my same personality and sense of humor which cracks me up, because I think/feel the same things/way she does! I was kinda sad to realize that she stopped vlogging and blogging about a year ago, and it seems no one has heard from her since. I'm going to try to contact her when I have some free time! She's actually inspired me a lot in just an hour or two of reading/watching, which was awesome!
I'm pretty much halfway to my surgery date now!!! Today is day 10 and I have 11 to go! Nutrition class is Monday, which one of my best friends, Laura is going to go to with me since she's such a good Mommy and she's already an awesome cook, and will be taking care of me for the latter couple of days of the week after surgery, when my own Mom goes back to work! :) I'm so blessed/spoiled, whatever you wanna call it! Anddd I have no idea about puree-ing things, but I'm positive she does!
I'm sooo excited about all of the upcoming events!!! Ashley and I are purchasing our plane tickets for our April trip up to NY to see Andrea, and Magan will purchase her's next week (thank you tax refunds!)!!! One weekend in April my sister and I are driving up to Washington, DC to see her friends which will be awesomee... Andddd Bowman Gray racing starts up in April and Ash's husband Brody will be racing, which will be fun for us to go watch (anddd try to get on the History channel show Madhouse... whattt?)
Sooo lap band.. right.. umm I'm kinda getting to the point where I'm having all kinds of different emotions, like, mostly the anxiety kind... but more so the excited kind of anxiety... like, right before you go on a big trip you get all worked up and anxious and can't wait to get to the airport or get on the road.. I can't wait to get to the hospital!! I've never had surgery of any type before, except for my wisdom teeth but I'm prettyy sure that doesn't count. So, I have no idea what to expect, but I do know that I'll be in good hands! And I know that I've already had so many people praying for me, that they will continue to do so and forunately/unfortunately I've got way more Guardian Angels than I can count, so I know I'll be juuust fine!
I've been drinking a lot of coffee w/splenda today b/c I'm supposed to cut out all caffeine on Tuesday. Ahhhh what ever will I do?? I guess I'll just be so hyped up about surgery I'll make it through the workdays on pure addreneline! Or just get a lot done today, tomorrow and Monday so that I can breeze through next week! Yesss, that's a good plan!
Mom & Dad have gone to Mississippi and Jen & Jay are going to Huntersville tomorrow night so that leaves me with a house, a cat and a dog to sit! Which is fun for me because it's nice to have their whole house to myself, and Macy's so cuddly and fun to play with. Daisy's just... Daisy. She's senile, but somewhere deep down inside I love that cat. I'll never have one of my own, but she's okay, at their house.
I plan on kidnapping Kaylee tonight and since Alice in Wonderland would probably scare the crap out of her (and maybe her Aunt Beck) I'm not sure what we're going to do. But something fun and 3 year old friendly :) Tomorrow night is her Mommy's baby shower for little mister Mason! Can't wait til he gets here and I can't wait to see everyone!
I love it when people ask me questions about the surgery from my perspective (nothing technical, please, because I'll only refer you to LapBand.com!) But if you've made it this far reading, clearly you're pretty interested in the journey I'm taking, so if you have any questions about how I'm feeling, why the hell I'm doing this, or anything of the sort, PLEASE feel free to ask!!! And words of encouragement are also welcome because, let's face it, we all love positive attention ;)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Dizzy Day 3!
Whew!
Today is day 3 of this 3 week diet. And let me tell you, I am dizzyyyy! When I move too fast I get the spins, and when I got out of bed this morning, I could've sworn I was drunk! Although I haven't had a drop of alcohol since Saturday night!
Mom says I need to start taking the vitamins she got, and Shona says I'm not eating enough. So here I sit, at my desk, avoiding doing casework, and eating Fat Free Key Lime Pie yogurt.. it is YUMMY! For someone who lovess Key Lime Pie, this is the best guilt free, but seemingly sinful, thing I've found since.. well.. ever.
I keep telling myself it will be over soon... but I don't think I'll believe it until I'm atleast 1/2 way done... which will be next.... oh... a week from today I guess? I can do it, I know I can, it's just harddd! I'm definitely glad I had all my "last favorite meals" last week, because that eliminated a few of my cravings! I kinda feel like a pregnant woman, only, they get to cater to their crazy cravings.. You're lucky sister!
I'm starting to get a little emotional though.. like I keep thinking how funny it is that I've never seen myself as "morbidly obese".. and granted, I'm on the cusp, but when I got the letter from BCBS saying they had approved me for surgery for morbid obesity it really set in.
I've never seen myself as huge or anything, but that's the epitomy of body image distortion! I've never been happy with my body, but I've also never had as negative a connotation towards it as the rest of society has. Which only makes me feel sorry for society. As a sociologist, though, I understand the norm. And I also understand that I'm not doing this for them. I'm doing it for me.
I'm doing it so that I can love myself enough to be loved in return. So that once I'm happily married I can have those children that I've dreamt about for so long. I'm doing this so I can shop in the petite section which matches my height much more appropriately. I'm doing this so I can run 5K's with my Dad. I'm doing this so I can raise my standards. I'm doing this for Graham. I'm doing this for my Mom. I'm doing this for my Dad. I'm doing this for my late grandparents. My sister. My friends who care. My future husband. My future children. My future career. My future lifeeee that I can't wait to begin!
I don't feel like, because I'm overweight, I'm a failure by any means. I feel like a champion. I feel like I've fought uphill my whole short life, and now I'm finally at a place where I've admitted that I need help. That I can't do this on my own anymore, and I've had doctors who agree. It's an amazing feeling to feel supported in such a hard decision.
I keep wondering... what will people say when I've lost 20 pounds? Or 40 pounds? 50? When will it be "soo noticable!"? And what will they say about the person that I was "before"? Because that's the person I am now.
Right now, in this moment, and a week ago, and for the past 25 years, I've been above the norm. I can't say, "oh I was so skinny in high school" because I wasn't. I've never known what it was like to be "normal weight." EVER. Will they have a different opinion of the me that I am now, that they are afraid to voice right now? Will they finally feel free to release that opinion? And how will I react if/when they do? Because I'll still be the same Becky. I'll be a lot happier, and more confident, but I really hope that I don't bash the "old" me. I hope that I hold on to the me that I am now. I hope that I remember that this me has feelings too. And that even I can offend myself by talking poorly about this me, that me, the current me or what have you.
I just hope I continue to love me. Past, present and future.
No matter what,
Becky.
Today is day 3 of this 3 week diet. And let me tell you, I am dizzyyyy! When I move too fast I get the spins, and when I got out of bed this morning, I could've sworn I was drunk! Although I haven't had a drop of alcohol since Saturday night!
Mom says I need to start taking the vitamins she got, and Shona says I'm not eating enough. So here I sit, at my desk, avoiding doing casework, and eating Fat Free Key Lime Pie yogurt.. it is YUMMY! For someone who lovess Key Lime Pie, this is the best guilt free, but seemingly sinful, thing I've found since.. well.. ever.
I keep telling myself it will be over soon... but I don't think I'll believe it until I'm atleast 1/2 way done... which will be next.... oh... a week from today I guess? I can do it, I know I can, it's just harddd! I'm definitely glad I had all my "last favorite meals" last week, because that eliminated a few of my cravings! I kinda feel like a pregnant woman, only, they get to cater to their crazy cravings.. You're lucky sister!
I'm starting to get a little emotional though.. like I keep thinking how funny it is that I've never seen myself as "morbidly obese".. and granted, I'm on the cusp, but when I got the letter from BCBS saying they had approved me for surgery for morbid obesity it really set in.
I've never seen myself as huge or anything, but that's the epitomy of body image distortion! I've never been happy with my body, but I've also never had as negative a connotation towards it as the rest of society has. Which only makes me feel sorry for society. As a sociologist, though, I understand the norm. And I also understand that I'm not doing this for them. I'm doing it for me.
I'm doing it so that I can love myself enough to be loved in return. So that once I'm happily married I can have those children that I've dreamt about for so long. I'm doing this so I can shop in the petite section which matches my height much more appropriately. I'm doing this so I can run 5K's with my Dad. I'm doing this so I can raise my standards. I'm doing this for Graham. I'm doing this for my Mom. I'm doing this for my Dad. I'm doing this for my late grandparents. My sister. My friends who care. My future husband. My future children. My future career. My future lifeeee that I can't wait to begin!
I don't feel like, because I'm overweight, I'm a failure by any means. I feel like a champion. I feel like I've fought uphill my whole short life, and now I'm finally at a place where I've admitted that I need help. That I can't do this on my own anymore, and I've had doctors who agree. It's an amazing feeling to feel supported in such a hard decision.
I keep wondering... what will people say when I've lost 20 pounds? Or 40 pounds? 50? When will it be "soo noticable!"? And what will they say about the person that I was "before"? Because that's the person I am now.
Right now, in this moment, and a week ago, and for the past 25 years, I've been above the norm. I can't say, "oh I was so skinny in high school" because I wasn't. I've never known what it was like to be "normal weight." EVER. Will they have a different opinion of the me that I am now, that they are afraid to voice right now? Will they finally feel free to release that opinion? And how will I react if/when they do? Because I'll still be the same Becky. I'll be a lot happier, and more confident, but I really hope that I don't bash the "old" me. I hope that I hold on to the me that I am now. I hope that I remember that this me has feelings too. And that even I can offend myself by talking poorly about this me, that me, the current me or what have you.
I just hope I continue to love me. Past, present and future.
No matter what,
Becky.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Letter to the Editor
Dear New Becky,
Hey miss thang! Let me start of by saying I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! No matter how much you have or haven't lost, you've taken a huge step in the right direction to gain control over your life. The one thing that always weighed you down (no pun intended) has been lifted off your shoulders. I hope you've found that you're free to do many of the things that you didn't feel you were capable of before. I hope your confidence is exuberating and somewhat obnoxious, because, by God, you've worked for it and earned it.
Always remember that you didn't come to this decision on a whim. You called your Mom bawling and told her that something had to change. You couldn't live this life anymore. You were tired of fighting. This was out of your hands now. You were ready to do whatever it takes to be the happiest, healthiest, most satisfied Becky you could possibly be. And you wanted HELP. Always remember that your Mom held you when you went to her house that night, and that you cried to her like a baby, but then did some research and came up with an awesome plan.
Always remember that this was a long process, that flew by.
Remember that you gave up smoking to change your life for the better. And you did it cold turkey! YOU GO GIRL!!!!
Remember that your dad, your mom, your sister, your best friends, loved you to pieces no matter what you looked like. Remember that just because the man you were in love with saw you as needy and insecure, and okay.. you totes were... that didn't mean he loved you any less, just not in the way that you wanted. Remember that you gained a best friend from all of that and that you wouldn't change it for the world.
Never forget that you had amazingly supportive co-workers who gave you the boost you needed to go through with this, one who told you about her personal journey and supported you whole heartedly, and others who also just want to see you happy! And they probably have... everyday! Remember to thank them for the days that they watched you cry and did everything they could to make you laugh. Thank them regularly.
Remember the silly text messages and bbm's your friends would send you when they knew you were going through a rough patch. Thank them regularly.
A year ago, you were a very blessed God Mother with a beautiful little girl who loves you and who you love with all of your heart. Now you're a "real" aunt, although you've been one for 4 years now! Play with Kaylee, Graham and Mason as much as possible. Run circles with Kaylee until you're worn out, because you already did that, and hopefully you can play and run for even longer!
Keep taking lots of pictures!!! Feel awesome in those pictures. Because damn it, you're beautiful. You were before and you are now. And I swear, if at any point you start to feel insecure, kick your own ass.
I hope you've found love. And if not, QUIT STRESSING about it! This is your time to be the best you, you can be. Right? That's what we've been trying to do for some time now. And this is step 25. Okay? So get over yourself and love love love you! Damn it!
Good luck continuing your journey.
I love you Becky.
Hey miss thang! Let me start of by saying I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! No matter how much you have or haven't lost, you've taken a huge step in the right direction to gain control over your life. The one thing that always weighed you down (no pun intended) has been lifted off your shoulders. I hope you've found that you're free to do many of the things that you didn't feel you were capable of before. I hope your confidence is exuberating and somewhat obnoxious, because, by God, you've worked for it and earned it.
Always remember that you didn't come to this decision on a whim. You called your Mom bawling and told her that something had to change. You couldn't live this life anymore. You were tired of fighting. This was out of your hands now. You were ready to do whatever it takes to be the happiest, healthiest, most satisfied Becky you could possibly be. And you wanted HELP. Always remember that your Mom held you when you went to her house that night, and that you cried to her like a baby, but then did some research and came up with an awesome plan.
Always remember that this was a long process, that flew by.
Remember that you gave up smoking to change your life for the better. And you did it cold turkey! YOU GO GIRL!!!!
Remember that your dad, your mom, your sister, your best friends, loved you to pieces no matter what you looked like. Remember that just because the man you were in love with saw you as needy and insecure, and okay.. you totes were... that didn't mean he loved you any less, just not in the way that you wanted. Remember that you gained a best friend from all of that and that you wouldn't change it for the world.
Never forget that you had amazingly supportive co-workers who gave you the boost you needed to go through with this, one who told you about her personal journey and supported you whole heartedly, and others who also just want to see you happy! And they probably have... everyday! Remember to thank them for the days that they watched you cry and did everything they could to make you laugh. Thank them regularly.
Remember the silly text messages and bbm's your friends would send you when they knew you were going through a rough patch. Thank them regularly.
A year ago, you were a very blessed God Mother with a beautiful little girl who loves you and who you love with all of your heart. Now you're a "real" aunt, although you've been one for 4 years now! Play with Kaylee, Graham and Mason as much as possible. Run circles with Kaylee until you're worn out, because you already did that, and hopefully you can play and run for even longer!
Keep taking lots of pictures!!! Feel awesome in those pictures. Because damn it, you're beautiful. You were before and you are now. And I swear, if at any point you start to feel insecure, kick your own ass.
I hope you've found love. And if not, QUIT STRESSING about it! This is your time to be the best you, you can be. Right? That's what we've been trying to do for some time now. And this is step 25. Okay? So get over yourself and love love love you! Damn it!
Good luck continuing your journey.
I love you Becky.
New beginnings!
So I started this a long time ago, but after lots of frustrations, setbacks, dead end roads, and basically giving up all hope of finding a reason for my lifelong weight gain, I also gave up on blogging about my journey to an answer.
A few months later, I'm on a new journey and so far I've had no set backs, only anxiety, which has been mostly relieved!
Yesterday I was approved by BCBS to have Lap-Band surgery on March 23, 2010. Yayayayay! This was not an easy decision for me to make, by any means. I discussed the procedure with many people who have had lap band or gastric bypass surgery done, friends and family members, and once I had enough positive feedback, decided to go to the information session as well as sit in on one of the support group meetings.
This was all I needed! I turned in my packet and began my journey!
Not long after, I started scheduling meetings and nutrition classes, met with Fuzz the surgeon, Amber the nutritionist, and Dr. Jeff Smith, the psychologist. All wonderful, amazing, brilliant, caring, people, as anyone who has worked with them can tell you! Amber and Jeff were crossing their fingers for me as we awaited BCBS's decision last week... talk about pins & needles! In addition to this, I had a TON of people praying for me and supporting me, and let me tell you, it worked!!!
I have never been so elated to find out such news, and I know they say be careful what you wish for, but if all I wish is to be happy, I don't think that's too dangerous! :)
I vowed to a best friend to write myself a letter, from me today, to me a year from now, without bashing myself. And I plan to do such in my next post.
I look so forward to this lifelong journey and to see what life has to offer in the next year or so. And I am oh sooo grateful for those who are being so supportive. And I feel sorry for those who haven't been, but I know when they see how much my life has improved, and that I'm still the same ole Becky, they'll come around.
And I know that those who matter will always love me!
No matter what,
Becky.
A few months later, I'm on a new journey and so far I've had no set backs, only anxiety, which has been mostly relieved!
Yesterday I was approved by BCBS to have Lap-Band surgery on March 23, 2010. Yayayayay! This was not an easy decision for me to make, by any means. I discussed the procedure with many people who have had lap band or gastric bypass surgery done, friends and family members, and once I had enough positive feedback, decided to go to the information session as well as sit in on one of the support group meetings.
This was all I needed! I turned in my packet and began my journey!
Not long after, I started scheduling meetings and nutrition classes, met with Fuzz the surgeon, Amber the nutritionist, and Dr. Jeff Smith, the psychologist. All wonderful, amazing, brilliant, caring, people, as anyone who has worked with them can tell you! Amber and Jeff were crossing their fingers for me as we awaited BCBS's decision last week... talk about pins & needles! In addition to this, I had a TON of people praying for me and supporting me, and let me tell you, it worked!!!
I have never been so elated to find out such news, and I know they say be careful what you wish for, but if all I wish is to be happy, I don't think that's too dangerous! :)
I vowed to a best friend to write myself a letter, from me today, to me a year from now, without bashing myself. And I plan to do such in my next post.
I look so forward to this lifelong journey and to see what life has to offer in the next year or so. And I am oh sooo grateful for those who are being so supportive. And I feel sorry for those who haven't been, but I know when they see how much my life has improved, and that I'm still the same ole Becky, they'll come around.
And I know that those who matter will always love me!
No matter what,
Becky.
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