W.I.W.

Weigh in Wednesday it is!

Sooo... yeah.... the weigh in part isn't the fun part this week, because I have been so absolutely obsessed with the idea of getting under 200, and that hasn't happened! In fact, I've gained a 1/2 a pound since last week - ha!

Today: 201.5

How's that for karma?? When you obsess about things, you don't get results, but when you do what you're supposed to and quit trying so hard, things fall into place and pounds fall off... that's what I keep trying to tell myself, but my mind, body and soul need to communicate better!

Oh well, you win some you lose some!

I've had an absolutely fantastic week! I type that with a smile because I'm so genuinely happy right now. I thought I'd be upset if I hadn't gotten under 200 by now, or if I hadn't lost this morning, etc. But I'm really, genuinely okay with it.. today anyway. Each day is totally different, but the past few have been great, and I hope they stay that way :)

Monday I decided I needed to do something. I'm a very spur of the moment kind of person, so the more I think about something, the more anxious I get about it, and the less I want to go through with whatever it may be... That said, I decided I wanted to start doing a more intense workout. Well, I've been saying for a few weeks now that I wanted to join the Y or a gym in general. I also said I wanted to do some kind of personal training... but all of those things scare the crapppp out of me. Why? Because, helloooo... I weighed 245 pounds almost a year ago. And the more I say that number, the worse it sounds! That's a LOT of weight to carry around. Heck, 201 pounds is - but I feel great already!

I've always felt judged every time I've gone to a big gym like ppl are thinking.. "wow.. why'd it take her so long to get here?" Or what have you.. and that's probably truly what some people have thought because well.. I've thought it myself about some people, who hasn't?

I didn't realize until last night how long it had been since I've actually been to the gym on a consistent basis... literally 9 years. I was 16. I was a baby! And I was 156 pounds! Crap. I'd love to weigh that now, but I hate that I weighed it then! Bless my little heart! I was so fragile then, and not nearly as strong as I am now!

So anyway... I decided Monday (after wavering between not going at all and just doing workout dvds at home with mom) that if my Mom would go with me, I'd atleast go check out the YMCA... She more than gladly obliged. Love her! So we went, and in the back of my mind, I knew that if I went and got info, I'd end up joining... so I went! I was soo relieved to see Holly in the membership signup room, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders! I was so excited!

The lady was soo nice and she set me up for a FitLinxx training session with a girl named Lauren that she knew I'd get along with really well. After that Holly, Magan and I went back to the Y and walked on the treadmill and did a couple of the machines. I wasn't sure I'd feel anything just from that, but I sure did! Haha.

Last night (Tuesday) I went to meet with Lauren, who was superrrr nice! She happens to live right next to my sister & Jay, so we talked about Graham - hello, match made in personal trainer Heaven! And she put together all the information for me and made up a workout plan that is totally do-able. She did the 5 min cardio warm-up with me and then taught me every machine that I'll use - 10 of them! And set my range of motion so that I won't be flopping around like a fish out of water when I "hit the gym." ;) After that Magan and I did a couple of other machines in the big gym! I feel soo comfortable with everything and I am SO ready to go back tonight!!! I never thought I'd say that, but it's true!

And my confidence is so inspring... even to me! I am so happy with everything, and even though I didn't lose this week, I know that I'm gaining muscle and will continue to do so! I'm just ready to build up my strength so I can start toning up and keep shedding weight!
I go for my 2nd follow up appt/fill next week - June 3rd. Soooo excited, and readyy!

I've been getting pretty hungry lately, but trying to curb that by drinking a lot of water and whatnot, getting my only caffeine from cranergy and trying to stay off the coffee... hardddd to do!

Overall, I'm a happy little girl :)

NMW <3