So this week... hmm... it's been kind of a blur! There's been a LOT going on in my life but not necessarily all bad things. A lot of challenges but also a few steps in the right direction of growth and well being!
Last Wednesday my roommate/bestie Magan and I went to First Assembly for their evening service. It wasn't what I expected as it was mostly directed towards the youth, but the message was good, and we felt so much better when we left... I think we left a lot of baggage in that pew! And then we went home and both went to bed rather than going to Mossy's as we usually would on any given Wednesday. A shift in lifestyle is something I've been craving for a while. I'm going to try to find different Wednesday night services to try around the community, and just feel things out until I find something that suits me! Especially with being out of town every weekend (which I love!) I can't exactly attend Sunday services as I'd like, quite yet!
Speaking of being out of town, this past weekend was aaamazing! I know I rave about my nephew a lot, but seriously... he's the bestttt. He has no idea how much power his smile and giggle hold, but he really makes me feel like there is hope for the world. He's going to take it by storm when he grows up! My sister and Jay took me along with them to Hilton Head for a wedding which just happened to be at a gorgeous resort! We stayed with some of their friends who were all so fun and didn't make me and G feel like the 7th & 8th wheels at all :) He and I got to spend lots of quality time together while the "adults" attended functions and the wedding itself. We even made it out to the pool both days - he's so so precious and I wouldn't have wanted to spend my weekend any other way or place!
So I've been going through a lot of "tough stuff" lately and thankfully, God is bringing me through it day by day. It's so nice to have so many friends who are there to listen and to support me everyday, but some things you just have to take to the professionals. I went to meet with my psychologist, Dr. Jeff Smith, who is the same one I have seen throughout the whole surgery process. He's on Fuzz's team and there's a reason for that! He made me realize that a lot of what was going on in my head was completely self imposed. I was beating myself up for things beyond my control, yet controllable by me.
I recently quit drinking alcohol. This was something I intended to do/maintain before and after surgery - for at least a year, I said. But I didn't hold up my end of the bargain. I started losing weight but it wasn't fixing everything, so I fell back on my promise to myself, and got back in the mentality that I needed to drink to deal with my problems... I know my family history on both sides and this was not a wise choice on my part. But, I was doing what I do best, by dealing with things the best way I knew how. Even though I have been reaffirming my faith, I still have some kinks to work out - drinking is/was one of them. I don't think I'm a bad person for drinking, nor do I think anyone who drinks is! What I do think is that I was a binge drinker - have been ever since college, heck, high school. I thought it made me more fun, more sociable, more confident. Really it was just a crutch for me, and half of my friends will tell you I'm really not much fun when I'm drunk. Quite annoying if they're sober!
What I've also come to find is that I'm not wired like everyone else. If I were, what would be the fun in that? But what I mean is that I was born with a gene that would love for me to be a full fledged alcoholic. It's a gene enables me to drink a lot more than others without feeling completely wasted or feeling like "I'm fine." I'm not blaming anything on my lineage, my lap band, or anyone at all. I'm blaming it on the cards I was dealt. It was in the cards for me to find pleasure in drinking. Why wasn't I one of those people who can't stand the taste of alcohol? Who knows... but what I do know is that I have the ability to change my habits and my lifestyle. I haven't drank in a week & 1/2, but I can't say that I haven't missed it every once in a while.
I just need to get things in check and stop trying to numb my pain with things like alcohol. Up until this point I have been very much stuck in the college mentality, as have a lot of my single friends. As Jeff pointed out, there's really not much to do around here if you're single other than... go to the bar! It's quite sad, but busying myself with other activities should help. Andd going out of town every weekend is definitely helping! I don't have to wonder what I might be missing out on because I'm not just sitting at home twiddling my thumbs :) I also realize that alcohol contains empty calories and that I can probably blame a good portion of my "plateau" weeks on that alone. Sad, but true.
But, enough about that! How about some good things?? This morning as I was walking in the building, my boss's boss and a supervisor were standing there talking and just as they thought I was out of earshot one said "She's just so sweet!" and the other said "she really is!" It was just so nice to hear them say that, since I have had so much more interaction with them now than I did before. It just tickled me pink!
I have my appointment with Fuzz this Friday and I'm suuuper excited about that. I may regret it later, but I really think I'm ready for a fill. I just don't feel quite as restricted in my eating as I think I probably should. Maybe I'm just getting used to it? Idk! But I look forward to hearing what he has to say! Jeff was quite impressed with my progress, and once again, shocked at how well I've done in just 6 months. He said in 17 pounds I will have reached their 2-3 year goal for me. He also said that if my results were the norm, there would be no need for advertisement by the Lap Band company ;)
I've posted pictures from March, June and September (last night) and you can see what I mean when I say, the numbers don't matter to me as much anymore. I can really, really, tell a difference now in how I look! Even just in the past 3 months when the pounds have been coming off slower... they're still coming off and the transformation is happening whether I realize it week to week or not! It's insane to me but I am so super proud of myself and my progress, and I just can't help but be determined to get to my goal asap! I want to be there by May for Andrea's wedding. At first I thought that I wouldn't get there for a couple of years... but now I'm thinking I'll be pretty dang close by then!
Holly and I went to the Y last night.... yeah.... I haven't mentioned it in a while because I was pretty embarassed that I haven't been going as regularly! I could blame it on so many things, but really I was just being lazy and superr tired after work and not really feeling like doing anything but reading my book or doing anything but work out! But once again, I'm sucked in! It's just so stress relieving!
I was AMAZED... amazed I tell you! By the fact that I did not break a sweat during my first 10 minutes on the treadmill. All that walking/slight jogging can be credited for that! And then, I was even more shocked that I barely broke a sweat doing all the machines in my usual routine! And that's not all folks... I also didn't sweat profusely after that workout during the second 10 minutes on the treadmill. I kid you not! I used to be a sweaty messss when I got done. Like, a hot mess. But I got back to the condo last night and the first thing I said to Magan was: "Look at me!" She immediately said, "OMG, you're not sweaty!!!" How awesome is that? Maybe I've hit the magic number of sweat-be-gone? We shall see.. that'd be super fabulous, because if you know me, you know how much I hateee it!
Regardless, I love the results that all the massive amounts of sweat, little bit of blood, and superfluous amount of tears have accomplished! I am so glad that I made the decision to have this procedure and I have yet to regret doing so. I just need to tweak some things and focus more on my faith and religion and all those good things, and the rest will fall into place as it should!
NMW,
<3
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